How to deal with other moms in your child's class?

Question

My son is in Pre K at the local public school. There is one mom of another boy in his class that is so rude to him. Today when her and her son walked in my son told him he wasn't going to play with him today. Ok now I know my son should not of said that and I addressed it right then and there and told him that he could not say that because it could hurt other people's feelings, but before I could even have my son apologize to the little boy, the mom jumped in and told my son that he was mean and rude. First of all he is a little kid and he was just stating how he felt and second of all she saw me handling the situation and still jumped in. Thirdly my son has come home three times in tears because her son was picking on mine and another little boy. He wouldn't let them take turns being the red power ranger (oh the drama of 5 year olds! lol ) and when my son and another llittle boy both said they should take turns he pushed the other little boy off the slide. I told my son he shou

should just play nice and not worry about it. And I guess today he just had enough. Like I said I was handling the situation. So how would you handle this. THis is my first child in school so I have never delt with this.

Answer 1

This could very well be *her* first child in school, too. And, as much as you love her son & hate to see him sad about these power struggles that are happening between that group of boys, I'll bet she feels exactly the same.

As hard as it would have been for you, feeling attacked and judged right then, your best bet at the time when she started talking to your son would have been to introduce yourself & talk to her, adult to adult - assuming that she understood that, right now, the boys are just trying out their social skills, just learning, testing boundaries, seeing what works & what doesn't. Maybe said something like "I'm not sure what's up with our boys in this situation. I think they're both just trying to figure it all out. From what I've heard, the teacher must have her hands full with the three of them, as they all try to be the top dog in their pack. I wonder when they're all going to figure out that their parents are right when we tell them that they'll have more fun if they just get along & be friends"

Something like that - something that teaches your kids, too, as they watch on, how to come to an understanding with others & be friendly.

Answer 2

Next time she jumps in then stand up for you and your son and tell her to please be patient, b/c you are handling the situation and you would appreciate it if she could leave the parenting up to you. But just be sure that you don't point out things to her about her own son, that is never a good idea. And try to stay calm and collected b/c then she might get defensive. But i agree with you, she should not have jumped in and told him that after you already took hold of the situation. And the fact that she told him he was mean and rude, she sounds like a 5 yr. old herself. Just remember to always stay calm and collected so that you will always look like the better person. Good Luck!!

Answer 3

Sounds to me like you are dealing with a woman who maturity level isn't much higher than the two children.

Kids are going to be kids and they are going to say things to each other from time to time, the important thing is that you constantly remind your son how to be a good person.

I know how hard it is to keep your composure when it seems as if someone is verbally attacking your child, but you need to take the mature route. Make sure if you talk to her neither of your children can hear, and be blunt, tell her how you feel and how you expect her (and everyone else) to behave around your child.

If she had a problem with your sons comment, she could have come to you or the teacher.

Just be the bigger person here.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Unfortantly, you need to get used to this. Some parents don't understand that kids sometimes say things that they either don't mean or don't understand. Your son was probably tired of this kids B.S. and finally stuck up for himself. Obviously he didn't do it in the best way possible but he's a little boy! How else will he learn if not through trial and error. The other mother obviously never learned this lesson. Just tell your son that there are things you say aloud and some things you just keep to your self. This boy's mom never learned that lesson.

Answer 5

Hi, yes the drama of 5 year olds is truly funny but to be honest the only ones to remember the drama is the parents. The kids will fight and make up every day if not every other hour. As for the mother if something like this ever happens again say to her politely, I can handle this and if you feel you have anything to add keep it to your self or save it as a lesson for her own child. Good luck!

Answer 6

Sounds like the mom doesnt know how to handle things very well herself so the child has no role model. If parents would stay out of everyday disagreements between children, things tend to get worked out more quickly and with less drama. What goes on in the classroom should be handled by the pre school teacher.

Answer 7

First let me say I'm almost positive "this other little boy" OR some other little boy/girl has said those very words to your son, that's how he knew to say it to the little boy he spoke to that way.

Ok YOU did the right thing and what I would have done will probably SHOCK alot here. I would have stood in FRONT of my child as she was speaking to HIM. She was WRONG! (so was your son...but he's only 5 so he's allowed to make mistakes) I would have stood in front of her and politely say this, "I'm sorry my son spoke to your son that way, however you are not his mother, I am and I will deal with this. You do not need to address my son EVER!" Plus, you were going to have him apologize...(kudos to you for that one). Now in school there's ALWAYS going to be a child that will NOT get along with the others. ALWAYS. It's so hard for a child to IGNORE these behaviors like we adults can, be we can only advise them to do the "right" thing and I feel that you're doing just that. Kudos to you for trying to raise your son the "right" way.

Answer 8

I think it amazing how 3,4,5 yr old learn this behavior.
My lil girl went to pre-school and some of the other
girls hurt her feelings cause someone told her that blue
jackets are for boys. And then made fun of her hair cause it was short. I had to buy her all new clothes that the other girls were wearing all pink and skirts and dresses etc. It was crazy.
Maby your lil boy said that, cause another boy said that to him, and that's how he learned it. Or mabey it was that womens kid who said that to him 1st.

I think in school they should teach kids to be respectful
to their classmates at an early age, just like learning the alphabet, ya know. Meanwhile, I'd let the teacher know
whats going on, and tell her your lil boy is being pushed
or picked on. Hope this helps. :-)

Answer 9

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Answer 10

Sounds like there could be a bully amongst them.

You should have a talk with the teacher and that boy's parents to nip it in the bud right away before worse things start to happen.