He thinks that he is in charge, he talks back to me, he has had several behavior reports from school, and even bite reports! When i spank him, he laughs at me and says that didn't hurt, when i put him in time-out, he keeps getting up and i keep putting him back and it lasts all evening! He is very energetic and puts up a huge fight, when i put him in his room, i have to stand there to keep the door closed, I feel like i am running out of options. He is not big on hitting me, but when he gets really angry, he tries to, it is mostly his attitude. He called his dad a B**** yesterday, so we put a bar of soap in his mouth. He slams doors when he doesn't get his way and i just do not think that this is normal behavior for a four year old! Anyone with any great discpline ideas that do not involve spanking or time-outs???
2007-10-01 07:33:20 · 6 answers · asked by stacielb06 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
BTW, His dad is in and out of his life and his behavior gets worse when his daddy leaves. I believe in spanking my kids, i was spanked and i am just fine, but the problem is that he is not learning from it. The soap for the potty mouth i will admit i have never heard anything bad about it until some of you mentioned that it is poisonous, so i will remember not to do that again, i am just looking for some different maybe unconventional discipline styles that i could incorporate. And NO, mommy and daddy do not HIT him out of anger, he gets a swat on his rear end, and taken to his room. The time outs are always against the wall in the kitchen, in front of our microwave, where i can set the timer. There are no toys, and nothing for him to play with there! So it is not like i am not doing my best with him, but i have been doing it for so long, and he is not getting it in his head that he needs to respect me. It is like i am running out of patience!
2007-10-01 09:26:03 · update #1
It sounds like you need an all around approach. I believe in spanking etc. but when I saw that his dad isn't in his life- it was a big red flag. I have a two part suggestion to solve your problem:
1. You HAVE to talk to him about how he feels about not having dad around. It's best to do it while you two color or play with play dough at a table- it's easier for kids to open up about their feelings. If something is bothering him and he doesn't talk about it and understand that he is loved very much and will always have a happy home to come to-it will show in his behavior. He has to understand that it isn't his fault and that somepeople are just like that and his dad loves him but doesn't know how to be a dad.
2. You HAVE to establish that you are in charge and if he doesn't play by your rules then he is excluded. I know this seems odd when I'm pushing you to make him feel loved but hear me out.
I use this tactic at home and with my step-daughter's soccer team- If you don't behave then you don't participate.
If your son is at the dinner table and talks back to you tell him once that that isn't ok. If he does it again, tell him to get out of his chair and sit on the floor away from the table (without his food), if he doesn't get up on his own, forcefully pick him up and set him on the floor (nothing that will injure him but forceful enough to get his attention). Let him freak out a bit and tell him that he can finish his meal with you when he has calmed down and won't talk back. This works especially well with a favorite meal of his because he will be even more motivated to sit and eat his food. Tell him that you are happy he chose to come and eat with you and give him a hug and kiss. This will teach him that it's not ok to be a turd and that he recieves love and affection for good behavior.
2007-10-01 10:01:47 · answer #1 · answered by Erin H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, while I don't agree with spanking, it's legal in most states. But a bar of soap is poisonous and is considered ABUSE. Learn better (and legal) ways to discipline your son. Where is a 4 - year - old learning that word? How is he being exposed to such a disgusting word at such a young age? Spanking (again, while I don't spank and don't believe in it) is NOT intended to hurt, and teaches the child to act out physically when he's angry. After all, Mom and Dad do it all the time when they're mad at him; why can't HE do it? Why not try consistency? When he gets out of time - out, the time - out clock starts over again. Put him back without saying anything to him or showing that you're upset; that's what he wants! Also, where is he getting time - out? He should not be getting it in his room, or anywhere his toys or other interesting things are stored. A corner of the house away from you and anything he likes is just fine. for my son, we used the dining room corner.
The key is consistency. Parenting takes time and effort; there is no quick fix, which seems to be what you want. Just keep at it, stop letting him be in situations where he's exposed to violence and foul language, and if he's not on track with his behavior within a few months, consult a child psychologist.
2007-10-01 07:44:50 · answer #2 · answered by SoBox 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My daughter is only two and i'm against spanking so i have never spanked her, what i do is tell her if she doesnt stop she is going to go in her room then count to three and if by three she doesnt do what itell her i put her in her room. As far as what he is doing in school when he gets home put him in his bedroom and only let him out to go to the bathroom and to eat. He will eventually work. It took about a week for the 1...2...3 thing to work with my daughter but 95% of the time she does what i say by the time i hit 3. And if she hits my 7 month old son she goes directly into her bedroom without the 1...2...3
2007-10-01 07:40:04 · answer #3 · answered by Blondie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No spanking and no time outs? Time outs worked great for my son. I would not use soap. If he was to accidentally ingest it he could get diarrhea. I have heard of parents using hot sauce on their tongue. Have you also thought about changing his diet? Children that have behavioral problems often respond well to the Feingold diet, which eliminates wheat, dairy, and cassian. This has shown to improve behavior in as little as a week.
Is it possible for his dad to spend more time with him? Since this seems to be part of the problem talk to your EX and explain your son's behavior and how he can help control it.
2007-10-01 07:40:59 · answer #4 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok i have been there and got the t-shirt for this one. ! my son will be 5 soon and is now in pre-k . he uses bad words on occasion,and thinks he is the boss. ok fine,he's only 4!! yet it's not! what we did was everyting we could and time outs didn't even work!!! you HAVE to remain pacient,and constantly tell your child what's right and wrong. my son snapped out of it abit now that he's in school. i always say: a child only acts the way the parents teach them or from the enviroment they are around. so something is going on somewhere to disrupt everyday activivty.....check it out,and deal with the problem as best you can,while your child is young. they only get older....and it gets harder from there!!! i know....!! good luck :)
2007-10-01 07:54:40 · answer #5 · answered by momin02 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I highly suggest you read, "To Train Up a Child" by Michael and Debi Pearl. You're living w/a little tyrant and you need to put an end to his reign.
2007-10-01 09:35:24 · answer #6 · answered by ElioraImmanuel 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋