Is my sister-n-law the spawn of satan?

Question

I can't stand her, but as I recently moved to the same city as her, I have to see her sometimes. She is rude and intolerant of other people's opinions. She will flat out tell me I am wrong (for instance, I believe organic food is a good thing and even though i have researched it's benefits extensively, apparently 2 guys who work at her grocery store told her it's the same thing as regular food and even though she has never looked into the facts, she insists that there is no difference. She says things like "I can't believe you're one of those people and rolls her eyes. ) She told me that because I wouldn't leave my sleeping 2 year old alone in the car which was parked out on the street and come inside with her, that, "you are way too overprotective, I had a cousin like that but she's a lot better now." She's friendly as long as you agree with every stupid thing she says and don't voice your own opinions, which i have a hard time not doing. I am open to other people's views, how do

I get her to show me the same respect??

actually I don't think that is a possibility, because she is not open to constructive criticism. so, new question, how do I manage to not create a family rift without feeling like I'm being treated poorly?

my husband and her husband are extremenly close.

Answer 1

Well, your first line of defence is avoidance. As you say, simply don't voice your own opinions -- it takes 2 to argue. Even if you best her in argument, what have you gained when you've bested a fool?

If you keep your opinions to yourself and she broadsides you out of the blue, switch over to "therapeutic speech" -- say the sorts of things psychiatric nurses have learned to say to difficult or disagreeable patients. Here are some examples.

"You seem to care very deeply about my choice of organic foods. Why do concern yourself?"
"I respect your belief. I believe something else and ask for the same respect."
"Sounds like you're angry. Do you want to talk about your anger?"
"Your views are certainly different from my own. How did you come to hold these views?"

The idea is to get the patient OFF the subject of YOU and onto their favorite subject, themselves. Yes, it's insincere and manipulative but it's also better than bickering with the nuts.

Answer 2

We mock what we don't understand, so she is treating you with that kind of arm's length disdain. You are married to her brother? There is a jealousy/acceptance thing at work here, too. She may not feel you are what she thinks is an ideal fit for her brother, because you are not her.

With her, it will just take time. You will have to kill her with kindness, because you love your husband, and want to make relationships with his family work.

It sounds like she is someone alot more used to confrontation, and always ready for it. She is now ultimately putting you in that position, too, so you are going to probably at some point put the gloves on, so to speak, and parry her attitude with a bit of "dig your heels in" gignity, and let her know that just because she feels or acts a certain way, doesn't mean that you have to, and that you actually are pretty thoughtful about the decisions you make. You are not saying you are perfect, but she should respect your position, just as you give consideration to hers.

If she still has issues, then just take it as it is, but sometimes you have to give resistence or even get in someone's face to make them respect you - it's just the way some people respond.

By the way, many kids die in cars or get stolen when left alone, so don't ever let some idiot tell you otherwise. my $.02

Answer 3

NEVER back down to anyone when it comes to your principles on raising your child, especially an intolerant in-law!! Even if she never respects you, you should still never agree with everything she says. There is a fine line between "keeping the peace" in the family, and when your personal space has been rudely invaded. Just tell her to take a chill pill, and kudos to you for NOT leaving your child in the car! It's a cliche, but you still NEVER KNOW when something might happen to you, and quite frankly, I am sure you and your husband are not willing to risk your child's safety just to teach the nasty little spawn a lesson. I would just make sure you spoke to your husband about it, so that at least when the fireworks eventually hit you have someone in your corner! Good luck with Aunt Satan!

Answer 4

Whenever she starts to argue with you about a certain point that your trying to make, simply say, "we just different opinions on how that should be done/ if that food is healthy or not/ parenting/ etc...In NO way, shape, or form, should you leave your child in the car by themselves. You arent "overprotective", just smart. And I hope and pray that she doesnt have kids of her own. Thats a CPS call waiting to happen. But one thing I have learned, is that you cant please everyone, just yourself. All you have to worry about is pleasing your husband, and if his sister bugs you that much, I would talk to him about it, and tell him how your feeling. If he cares for you, he will say something to his sister. And even though you live in the same town as her, doesnt mean you have to visit with her. If your husband wants to make a pitstop at her house, let him go alone. If she calls, let your hubby answer it. Good luck! Family issues are always hard to go through.

Answer 5

You can't get someone like that to listen and be open to opinions and interpretations. It doesn't even sound like she would agree to disagree.

Just don't have debates with her. Don't argue with her. Change the subject. Speak to her as little as possible, and when you do, keep it short.

As far as your child in the car... YOU DID THE RIGHT THING!!!

Never, NEVER leave a child alone. Not in your own home, and especially not in a car.

You know in your own heart what is right, what is not, and what is open to interpretation.

She is either the wife of your brother or the sister of your husband, so you will have to deal with her from time to time...

Answer 6

Stand on your beliefs, and don't take down for her, you do have your thoughts on things as well as your opinions everyone has them opinions that is. You need to let her know how you feel, and there is nothing wrong with expressing it to her. Don't let her think that you are a push over, and you are afraid to speak your mind, you do have a mind, so let her have it. She will think twice before telling you what she thinks again, and it is against the law to leave your child in a car alone, you could be in serious trouble for that, so that gos to show you that she does not know everything. Stick it to her, and, she will soon see you won't be taking her crap anymore.

Answer 7

all you gotta do is laugh at her and feel sorry for her. To some people, it's more important to be "right" than it is to seek the truth.
Laughing when she gets bent or says something like what you wrote, will grate on her to no end. She won't like being around you much, and voila', problem solved. Either that, or just say "no" on getting together.

You're taking it too personally, she's like that with everyone. Treat her as someone who is not in the family, and just walk away - let it go.

Answer 8

Your sister in- law is just probably poorly educated and has some self-confidence problems. It seems that she feels that she got all the power over you ....you need to act in the way that you can be open about your opinioNS AND DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU AND YOU CHILD, FAMILY !
dont try to please her, because it will be never good enough just because you simple her sister in law...
Be polite with her and listen but do the way you think is right for you.
Main thing be always yourself with ur man and family. Good luck!

Answer 9

you wont. her kind of people thrive and we will never get respect from them. Try this: agree with everything she says and you leave her with nowhere to go. and I mean agree with everything. Then you need to sit down and plan something moderately evil to do to her. I dont mean choking the life out of her but some sort of nasty prank OR try this, next time you have to visit say absolutely nothing more than one syllable words. when she asks whats wrong say "Oh I am sorry but you havent given me my opinion yet." or you could risk family repercussions and consequences (and maybe a night in jail) by knocking her on her ***. But you will have to weigh all the factors involved in that. If it was me I would just say AMF (adios mother******) and I would refuse to see her again.

Answer 10

Ha, my sister used to call me that-for other reasons of course! But in your case, just try to ignore her, there are some people who need to have an experience to change, and until then, just deal. Don't cause yourself any more unnecessary stress. You can't change anyone, they need to do it for themselves. You're only going to drive yourself crazy trying to accomplish something that is not in your hands. As soon as you accept this fact of life, the better for you. Don't keep on working on something that might never work, you can only do so much, you can only go so far, the rest is up to them.
Take care, be safe.