Seems that the sober spouse is the one who is hurt the most. Do you know of a book that shows support for the sober spouse and how to handle an addicted loved one?
2007-10-01 05:10:33 · 13 answers · asked by ablessedwife 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I should probably rephrase my question...
I need support for me with how to not enable him. I need support for me when I feel alone and hurt and scared. Is there a book for me in how I can survive this situation. I know I can not be a nagging wife. We have been through this before and prayer is the key. But I know I can not constantly be telling him how I feel about it. He definetly loves me and has told me that he is not "doing" this to hurt me. This is a typical addict. I have to let God help him through this.
2007-10-01 05:47:05 · update #1
Marijuana does have a withdrawal effect. It is alot like when a person quits smoking cigarettes. Just an overall pain in the butt, extremly grumpy, loud, on edge and looking for an argument. I do believe that it is used for a reason. Some people started smoking when they were young children and never developed good coping skills... so now as adults they still have the coping skills of a 12/13/15 year old. It is very hard for someone who lacks these skills to deal in the adult world. This is not an excuse. He needs to buck up like everyone else and deal with his world. He has chosen the easy way... or so he thinks. I often tell my nine year old that what he thinks is the easiest road, is usually the longest and the hardest, so he needs to find the easy way and do the opposite, even if it seems harder at that particular time.
If you are going to still try and make this work, you have to accept how he is right now. You cannot force someone to change, Lord knows I have tried. That does not mean condone it. Don't run interference for him with family members, don't make excuses for him, forbid it in the house...(.just say look, you know how I feel about it, I know how you feel about it, if you choose to do it... please respect me enough to not do it around me or in our home.....) don't make it easy in anyway for him. You don't have to nag... you just do nothing when it comes to that part of him. In little ways the sober partner does enable because you love the person and when you love someone you are just nice to them and that niceness can turn into enabling. Focus on you. Do things that are nice to you, that are for you..take care of yourself, and don't invest everything in him again right now. You have been down this road before...choose to do the things that keep you sane, that make you the person you want to be. If you are lucky he will come to his senses and take on the world with you, together, if not... you will come out better for it. Just an opinion.
2007-10-01 07:17:45 · answer #1 · answered by adrein_1 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I don't know if there is a book as narrow down as marijuana addiction but there are books about dealing with a loved one addicted. Check out barns and nobles, health section.
Have you spoke to him/her about the effect it is having on yourself and relationship?
I know you can feel hurt more because they have there out, and once they go that way it's like you can't have a normal conversation.
I would bring the subject up without it seeming like an attack. Like, "Hey Hun, want to rent a movie and play a game tonight, maybe you could skip smoking so we can enjoy each other and get lost into each others eyes like the old times" Or, be a bold, and explain that you feel alone when there off getting high and it needs to stop, understand that if this has being going on for years the chances of them going cold turkey are slim, so ask them to cut back or you might have to reevaluate your relationship. Reinforce your love, but it's unfair for you to be alone when in a committed relationship.
2007-10-01 05:18:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
I am sure if you google 'how not to be an enabler', you will get a list of sites and books on the subject.
Sweet talk never works. Logic and reason are hard to get through an addict's brain. Trying to divert his behavior doesn't work either.
Very often, giving the addict an ultimatum - get counselling or I'm leaving you - will wake the person up.
2007-10-01 06:59:40 · answer #3 · answered by Marguerite 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Marijuana "addiction" is psychological...
the key is finding and dealing with the issues that cause him to smoke in the first place. I knew someone who was a heavy/constant user, rather than learn coping skills and get professional help, it was his way to escape the mental trauma of childhood sexual abuse and other things he could not cope with.
People smoke for different reasons... not just escape... some for pleasure, some for medical reasons, and some for the way it focuses/enhances the creative process.
2007-10-01 05:30:45 · answer #4 · answered by ADB 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Alcoholics anonymous has the partners group "alanon"
narcotics anonymous has the partners group "naranon"
encourage your spouse to seek help in narcotics anonymous or AA, but definitely get help for yourself in alanon or naranon.
Learn how to not be an enabler or a doormat!
2007-10-01 08:20:34 · answer #5 · answered by parkermbg 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is absolutely no such thing as a marijuana addiction. A rehab isn't going to take him because there is no such thing as marijuana withdrawl. He could quit 'cold turkey' without a problem. He's smoking either because he truly enjoys it or because he's using it to deal with other issues such as everyday stress and a nagging spouse.
2007-10-01 05:25:21 · answer #6 · answered by some female 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Look locally for a chapter of Alanon and Narcanon - both support groups for people in your situation.
2007-10-01 05:18:38 · answer #7 · answered by Marvinator 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There are NA groups in every major city in the US.
Tell him or her to come and join us.
(Narcotics Anonymous)
2007-10-01 05:15:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
call N.A, if there isn't one around get hold of A.A. They have free literature and a lot of support.
http://local.yahoo.com/results?stx=narcotics%20anonymous
2007-10-01 05:15:43 · answer #9 · answered by PROBLEM 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Yes their is it is called "Throw Out The Drugs!"
2007-10-01 05:18:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋