i have a dilemma, i was told that my hubby won't be at my daughters wedding if she didn't want her sibling to be part of it, as in part of the bridal party. she wants her sibling to be in charge of the guest book, but this is not good enough for father. it's her day and his money.
where is the compromise supposed to come into play, when they both feel so strongly. i don't want it to be his way or no way, but he has a way of that being the case, sometimes.
what is a mother to do?
2007-10-01 04:59:16 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
in addition . . yes, dad told me. as for his wedding, i had prom gowns on the girls (not one matched) and he wore a suit. he had no say in the way it was handled, just told when he needed to pay for something. and he had to have one of my brothers as attendants, and one was a ringbearer. no, we didn't like that part, so he's doing everything he can to make sure hers is not one to look back on with regret. and all she is doing is saying 'that's not what i want, i don't care about that' . . . and so forth. the two of them have come to heads about several things already.
2007-10-01 05:44:29 · update #1
They both sound pig-headed. Like father, like daughter. First, what's wrong with putting her sister in the party? I put mine in my party because she's my sis...even if we rarely see each other (two different states). Then again, I think dad shouldn't punish the bride because she's not doing what's expected. It's hard because he's paying for it, thus should have some say, but it's her day. You need to sit down with both of them and have them work out a plan because either way, someone's going to be peeved when it's all over.
2007-10-01 05:04:12 · answer #1 · answered by CC 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How does the sister feel about this? Does she even want to be part of the wedding party? That is an issue that should be between the bride and the sister, not the father. And why is the father pushing the issue so hard other than that it's his money? His money is paying for chairs, food, decorations, etc., not the wedding party.
I'm with the bride on this one. If she doesn't want her sister in the wedding party and has also found another way for her to participate in the day, then nothing else should be said.
As for you, don't pick either one of their sides, just go with your own side. How do you feel about this whole situation? If you think your husband or daughter is in the wrong, then tell them! And if your husband is so stubborn and hard-headed that he refuses to attend his own daughter's wedding and also miss out on all the stuff his money is paying for, then that's his loss and he'll regret it in the end.
2007-10-01 05:19:03 · answer #2 · answered by LSU_Tiger23 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I would try to talk to him rationally about this at first. SIt him down and ask him to remember his wedding; would he have wanted someone telling him how to do it? Also, mention to him that it may not be worth this much of a fuss now, and then have years of dealing with the bride resenting him and holding it against him. This could potentially ruin their relationship! He is blackmailing her emotionally by doing this! To hold the money over her head & say "*I'm paying, so it's my way", is cruel & selfish! Surely this is not the kind of dad he wants to be! Does he really want his daughter miserable on her wedding day? Put it to him like this, he can either pay for it and let her make the choices & be happy, or he can pay for it and have it all be a waste b/c she is miserable!
2007-10-01 05:12:03 · answer #3 · answered by valschmal 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
They talk about women being hormonal and stubborn but men of a certain age are worse. They get to be over 50 and look out. And when they hold the purse strings it tops it off.
He is paying, so he's got you. Daughter had better decide to put her sister in the wedding party.
This is not the time to take a stand and hold firm, even though hubby is. It would be worse if he withdrew finances.
2007-10-01 05:12:51 · answer #4 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Daddy should mind his business when it comes to who is in the wedding party. If he's going to try to control your daughter with paying for the wedding he should be ashamed of himself. As a parent you never hold money over your children's heads. It's time to let go and let her make her own decisions. If sis has a problem with it then she should be the one talking to your daughter. Maybe there is a good reason for not having sis in the wedding party. You need to step in and set hubby straight before he and your daughter are in the no speaking or contact zone.
2007-10-01 05:15:10 · answer #5 · answered by mrsdeli 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree that father and daughter should sit down and talk this out. Dad is trying to be controlling. Dad needs to understand that it is HER wedding and she should have whomever in the wedding (or doesn't) that she wishes...it really is all about the couple...and no one else...
Giving someone a place of "honor" by force is not allowing the person they are fighting over, a chance to say what SHE feels about it....and I for one would never want to "force" someone to do something like that...it's silly, petty and Dad needs to "grow up".....it's ridiculous to bully his own child this way...SHAME on him!
Daughter needs to decide what's important to her...follow her heart and do what SHE wants to do...period. If Dad decides to stay home that important day, then so be it...I for one would not be bullied....Dad will be the one to regret his stubborness later on if he doesn't attend. If he hangs on to the grudge..that's his problem, not yours and not daughter's.
Stay out of it though Mom...if Daughter is old enough to marry, then she is old enough to handle her Dad and his issues on her own (advice from Mom is always good, but I wouldn't be dragged into the middle of it)....
Hard to believe in this day and age, grown-ups can still act like little children....
I hope and pray for a wonderful day for your daughter and her husband-to-be. Too bad Dad can't put his petty wants aside and let his baby girl have the wedding SHE wants.
2007-10-01 05:18:36 · answer #6 · answered by Toots 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
ANYONE who does threats like that will get nowhere with me.
I'd say "So shall I put you down as a NO for attending? I want to make sure, so I can find someone else to walk me down the aisle/walk alone down the aisle. Love you too daddy!".
But this is your hubby you are talking about.
I would sit him down and tell him that though he is paying for the wedding, he should respect your daughters wishes and have her bridal party the way she wants it. It is awfully rude to make threats such as that regarding who does what.
2007-10-01 07:13:01 · answer #7 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
does the sister want into the wedding party? that could be a way out if she is fully happy with being in charge of the guest book and could care less about standing in the wedding itself IF that is the case and brought to light.
2007-10-01 05:07:43 · answer #8 · answered by Ravin 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you can take the situation out of Dads hands
.
Her day/his money. Let the bridal couple pay for the wedding so they can have the day that they want, not theday that the parents want. My son and his girlfriend are paying the entiree bill for their wedding, nothing out of my pocket.
or
You can lnsist that dad show up and be civilized. missing the wedding is his loss, not the brides.
2007-10-01 05:18:40 · answer #9 · answered by ellisd1950 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Sit him down and ask him why he's causing problems. Generally, when something like this occurs, it is just frosting to cover up the real issue. If he's willing to share and you can find a solution, that's great.
If not, get the dad and daughter together, make them agree to abide by whatever solution occurs by chance, then flip a coin and make them call it.
2007-10-01 05:12:32 · answer #10 · answered by OverloadedGirl 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋