daughter wants a simple wedding, but we want her to have something a little more expected/accepted?

Question

ok, here is an example. she had at one time said she wanted an outdoor wedding at the park, no problem, but she also stated that she'd like the guests to bring covered dish and lawn chairs. i know it's her day, but come on. there has to be a way for her to understand that there are just certain things people expect when coming to a wedding.
how can i give her and her father what they want?

Answer 1

Ok thats a little odd. Are you helping her financially with the wedding? Maybe she thinks he money is better spent on something else (house). However her idea was taking it a bit far. You never ever ask guests to bring their own chair! Pot luck is ok as it is relatively common for a wedding on a budget (not my style though).
Maybe offer her some help financially and she might at least hire the furnishings. Tell her that it is possible to have a weding on a budget that won't cost much more than having pot luck in a park.
If you need ideas or money saving tips let me know I can e-mail some.

Answer 2

This is a tough one. One couple's parents were having about the same problem. Bride was married at a local park near the lake, but.....the parents did have a lavish tent set up. Lovely yet simple decor, and guess what? POTLUCK! However, every dish was requested, Auntie brought her famous shrimp cocktail, other dishes were planed out to serve a wonderous formal meal. It took some planning from the mother, but it surely did come together. All the dishes had their recipe card, mom had a great idea, she took photos of each dish (instant) placed the photos and their cards in a wedding cook book for her daughter.
This was no tacky reception, it was wonderful. Hope this helps, Chaplain Debby

Answer 3

Ok, Mom. Deep breath. It is her wedding. Repeat as necessary.

Now, the specific thing you mention, the chairs. I agree, not really reasonable to expect everyone to drag in a chair, although I suppose it could be done. People do it all the time at church bar-b-ques. Are there tables at the park to use? Covering in case of rain? These are things she needs to consider, not as in giving in to what you want, but as practical considerations for her guests. Take stock of what is available at the venue, then discuss what might be needed Come to a conclusion, then make a generous offer to provide the necessary ingredient, tent, chairs, tables.

I would just butt out of the potluck debate. Here in the south, potluck wedding receptions are not unusual. They do require a bit of planning. Let her tell you ideas for how she thinks it could be worked, then tweak if needed.

Best wishes to the both of you!

Answer 4

Hi. Yes, this is hard....true....it's HER day, but I do (as a mom myself) have to agree with you.

Let her have the park wedding. I think simple is best myself. So, go with the park wedding. But, don't have guests bring their own chairs and have a potluck.

Now, if in your location a potluck is acceptable, then maybe you can go with it. Some people do!! There is no saying you can't have a potluck. It's really up to you and your daughter.

Personally, I don't like the idea and this is why.....it's like any other party. Let's say you are hosting a Christmas Eve party and invite friends and neighbors. You don't say to them, "oh, by the way, please bring a dish." When you host, you host. Maybe you can explain it to your daughter in that way and she will understand where you are coming from. A wedding reception is like any other party that you host.

I think a simple park wedding IS beautiful. But insist on AT LEAST renting chairs. And try to convince your daughter to have the food catered. That way, she AND you will get what you want. Good luck!!

Answer 5

You can't. Because you will never please everyone & that's just a fact. It is magnified 100 times when it comes to weddings, too!

Now, how many people are we talking? Are we talking only very close family & friends for a park ceremony & picnic reception? I really think that would be okay if it's what she really wants. It may not be the way you dreamed it for her, but ya know, life's tough on all of us! Now, if we are talking 100 people, some of which are coming in from out of town, old college friends she hasn't seen in awhile, work associates, etc. that may be a little different. Outside of your closest family & friends, it is considered a little rude to ask people to
spend the day with you, buy you a gift, get a sitter, dress up, etc. without having some consideration for them in return.

What I mean is this-comfortable seating, nearby & clean restrooms, shade, and a nice snack or meal & cake. It's like a thank-you to the guests for going out of their way to join you on this day. It would be rude and tacky to have this kind of guest list with a potluck. Period!

Talk with her about it in a calm, rational manner. Ask her why she wants it this way. Is it because she is a tomboy type of gal? Is it because she fears the stress & details of planning any other kind of wedding? Is it because she doesn't realize that she can have a picnic anytime & might regret not having one special day to dress up & take pictures? Find out some of these answers in a non-judgemental way & you should be able to work this out!

Answer 6

It's called a potluck reception, it isn't unheard of and it's a good way of saving money. I say if your husband is willing to pay for all the chairs and pay for whatever food she wishes a caterer to bring than he can offer to do so, if she is the one paying for her wedding, suck it up.

Ask what she's going for, is she going for a more familial feeling, everyone getting together having fun just like a family reunion or is she worried about cost. Once you know why she wants certain thinks it may help your understanding and your reaching a compromise they both wish. She could just be wanting everyone invited to feel involved in the wedding, so it's about family and friends and not just the bride and groom.

Answer 7

I would say initially that it's her day. However, as you and her father are likely paying for it, you obviously want to create an environment that will reflect your tastes as well.

You may need to sit down and hash it out item by item. The conversation can begin: "This is your wedding day. We want you to be happy. At the same time, we've been waiting for this day too, and we want our guests to be comfortable."

Both parties (you, Dad, and the Bride) should identify the things that are deal breakers and focus your energy negotiating those things. Be mindful of why you might be against something that she wants. Ultimately as it is her day, you don't want her to feel as if she's being bullied into a wedding that she doesn't want. She'll remember that as much as she remembers what she was wearing.

If she has quirks that are not too groundbreaking, allow them--the wedding should look pretty and all, but it should also reflect who she is.

Answer 8

Its hard to see where shes coming from and every parent wants the best for their children, especially on what is considered to be the best day of their life. But if an outdoor wedding is her idea of a perfect day then maybe you should let her have it her way, after all whats better?...Your Perfect Day, Or Hers? The last thing you want to create is tension between you both at the time she needs you most.

Answer 9

She should not expect people bring chairs or food unless they are specifically asked in person or over the phone. It should not be in the invite for each guest to bring their own chair and meal.
Also, if there aren't any tables for guest to sit and eat at, then food shouldn't be served except cake and drinks. Even if guest did bring their own chairs, it's very awkward to try to hold a plate and drink while trying to eat a meal. If there are tall bar tables that people can stand and eat at, then that's a different story. People would be able to set their plates down and still comfortably eat.

Answer 10

Compromise. It is her day. But often it is your friends and family that are invited too and you don't want them to think ill of your daughter (or you - let's face it - people gossip).

But you'll have to decide at what end you are willing to fight.

Keep the simple garden wedding. I think that sounds lovely. But then offer to pay for a caterer to come and provide the food. And yes, rent the chairs. It would make it any "less" simple, but still have a slightly more traditional wedding.

You could use "logistical" reaons - that on her special day she shouldn't have to worry about who has brought what and if there was going to be enought, paper products, etc. etc. etc. Encouage her to let a professional take care of at least that- put put your money where your mouth is.

good Luck