Best friend has been divorced for over 5 years.
His wife and I were friends (w/ bennies) even before they
dated and eventually married. I even introduced them waaaaay back in the day. Out of respect for him, I have made no attempts at talking to her or anything. This past summer, we ran into each other for the first time in long time, probably over 3 years. We ended up going out to dinner, talking about life and just picked up where we were, like we were still best friends. Since then, we have had a tension and have hinted towards each other, but I still have this best friend protocal I'm living with. He has no idea that we're talking to each other.
Do I say screw it and bang her already or what???
2007-10-01 04:46:19 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The reason I ask this is because I live the guy code...BROS before HOS.
I have reservations, and her and I can and will be great friends with or without a relationship on that scale. THe tension is just there to say screwit and go for it, but I understand the ramifications. Just so you "haters" who are bashing me know. I'm actually the good guy..
2007-10-01 04:54:15 · update #1
Yes, he knew that we "had relations", just didn't know how many times..left that detail out as anyone should
(don't remember the character or movie, but remember the line)
2007-10-01 04:59:00 · update #2
LISA D...as for your response...
When he asked her to marry him and she told her parents, they thought she marrying me, LOL. They were used to seeing me around her all the time (we were great friends) and not so much him. He didn't go to her parents before they got engaged. I don't even think they knew they were dating. It's a great relationship story if I had an hour a week and therapist to share it with!!
2007-10-01 05:02:47 · update #3
2 minor or major details further...
They do have 2 kids together.
He is remarried 2 years ago.
Another thing holding me back is the possibility that her and I could easily fall for each other and suddenly here I am with his kids...that's jacked up IMO>
2007-10-01 05:04:54 · update #4
First of all back in the day was a long time ago, and I'm sure you were both immature and young otherwise you would have been the husband and not the best friend right? Secondly, if you're living with this guy and you're secretly dating his ex-wife you need to come clean. Man up....Thirdly if you're reference to making love or having sex with this woman as "banging her" then you need to man up with her and let her know that you're just looking to get laid, and go back to the friends with 'bennies' stage of your previous relationship so that you're coming to the table with one thing on your mind. This way she can make up her mind before hittin' the sheets. It's only fair.
2007-10-01 04:54:39 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If both of you still have feelings for each other, then I say go for it. I know you have the best friend protocol and stuff, but gee, are you going to jeopardize your happiness with this woman. I think that you and the woman should sit down with your friend and tell him about both of you dating. O r do something that will ease some of the pain your friend may have. He should understand that you and the lady is dating since he may have already moved on. I true friend would stick by your side on whatever may happen between the friendship and other relationships that may arise with other women. If he does not, He was not a true friend at all.
2007-10-01 05:01:21 · answer #2 · answered by babygirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as he's over her then the "hands off" card is off the table and you can do whatever you want. I would do the honest thing and tell your best friend about it. Don't ask for his permission per-say, but give him a head's up. It's easier to let him know now than to try to break it to him 6 months or a year down the line. If he's sensible, then he may be a little upset but understand that you knew her long before they were married, so you and her have a history together.
Or if you really think it's none of his business, then don't tell him...just do what you think is best.
2007-10-01 04:54:26 · answer #3 · answered by LSU_Tiger23 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does your friend know you were banging his bride before him? That would certainly change things.
But really, it's been 5 years, by now she's a free agent and fair game. But realistically, your friend is going to be upset, there's no time limit on jealousy. But by now he'll have to admit that they're not getting back together and let it go.
Of course if you and this woman are just looking for a quick romp and will part company after it's not necessary to announce it to your friend either. Just don't hide a real relationship, he does have a right to learn it from you instead of finding out by accident.
2007-10-01 04:52:41 · answer #4 · answered by rohak1212 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say go to your friend and talk to him honestly. Don't wait to get hints from him. Just tell him. Its been five years and he is probably moved on by now. There is a reason why it didn't work out and your friend knows it. I say if you want her that badly be a man and ask your friend if it is ok. You never know you might actually find out for yourself why it didn't work out because you two may not work out either.
2007-10-01 04:55:06 · answer #5 · answered by christina h 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has he moved on yet? Is he with someone else yet? You might want to tell him you ran into her, then broach the subject of how he still feels about her. It's inevitable that she'll be with someone else, so it may as well be you, as long as you don't rush him too much with the idea, otherwise it will be difficult for you all to socialise together as a group in the future.
2007-10-01 05:01:01 · answer #6 · answered by secretsquirrelssister 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think 5 years is plenty of "wait" time! I mean, if it were my ex-husband I would sure hope that after 5 years of being divorced this would not effect me in the least! I would respect the fact that you waited an appropriate amount of time...Go and have fun with all our blessings!!!!!
2007-10-01 04:52:03 · answer #7 · answered by N0_white_flag 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your friend and see what the vibe is. Guys also don't begrudge their friends getting a good POA .... so he may be fine with it. A lot would depend on how bad the breakup was between them. If they vehemently hate each other, you may not get his "go for it" .... but what is the worst that will happen ... he says "don't do it man , for me" and then no harm no foul.
Good luck!
2007-10-01 04:59:44 · answer #8 · answered by steveheremd 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It expires when you talk to him. You tell him that you ran into her that you have been chatting and that you are going to explore your options with her. Don't ask permission from him, just inform him this is what you are doing. It's been 5 years so he should be ok with it by now. If he's not then he hasn't moved on and that isn't your problem. Ignore the women dude, they are basing their answers on the woman rules of don't ever touch what was once mine.
2007-10-01 04:50:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
your best friend has already move on and married so i'm sure she also wants to move on and get her own life, even if its not you, it would be someone else, i'm sure your best friend would want to see his ex-wife happily married to someone she loves, be it who that guy is, if your best friend mind your relationship with her, what does that mean 'he still love her or he still want to control her life'. if you think things can work out between you and her, why not have a 'chat' with your best friend (not to ask for permission)!!!
good luck and wish you all the best!
2007-10-01 05:18:44 · answer #10 · answered by bec 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋