I recently bought a home. Now I have room to entertain. I thought it would be nice to have my soon to be 81 year old mother and my 86 year old father along with my kids and my sister to a nice family dinner.
I just received an email that my mom told my first cousin, whom I'm not close with, about the dinner at my house which happens to be close to where he lives. He wants to see my parents. She more or less invited him to join us. I really wanted to make this just immediate family, and she should have asked me before she invited him. It isn't a big deal to have one more person and it is her birthday. I just think she used poor judgment and I'm a little mad. What should I do?
2007-10-01 04:29:48 · 21 answers · asked by Oh Wise One 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I understand why you are upset about this . . . it is your house, you are the one throwing the party, you wanted it to be immediate family, she didn't ask you first . . . I get it and I think you are entitled to be miffed. That said . . .
Try to keep the big picture in mind. She is 81. She wants your cousin to come and it seems like he wants to see her. You could tell her she shouldn't have invited him to your house without checking with you first, but is it really worth it to say something that might upset your mom and take away from her enjoyment of the party? The party is for HER, right? Just bite your tongue, and enjoy the party. That is what I would do.
2007-10-01 04:51:53 · answer #1 · answered by desi girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother has done the same thing on numerous occasions. I honestly think that she believes that she is my mom and so she can do as she pleases and pretty much she is right. Her bringing a friend has never RUINED the occasion so I think you should just go with it and enjoy yourself and allow them to enjoy themselves too. Maybe next time you decide to entertain you can make a point to tell her that you are only purchasing enough food for so many guests and she may not invite again or she will probably ask you first. I always remind myself that I love my mother and someday she wont be here and these are some of the little things that make her happy. Good Luck!
2007-10-01 04:48:58 · answer #2 · answered by ♥Due with baby#1 06/08/09♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try not to be mad at your Mom. She most likely just blurted out the invitation without thinking. You said it's not a big deal to add another person so let it go at that. Since it's not a big deal, don't make a big deal of it. Tell your Mom that your cousin is welcome to come but in future you would appreciate it if she would check with you first so you can make sure you have enough to feed an extra mouth.
When the feelings come up remind yourself that it is your Mom's birthday and you're throwing the party to celebrate her. Did she use poor judgment? Probably. But who hasn't at one time or another? Try to let it go and enjoy the party.
2007-10-01 04:38:24 · answer #3 · answered by innerradiancecoaching 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand how you're feeling right now. Yes, I agreed about your Mom should have asked you first before inviting him. However, think of the situation in which she by chance told him about the dinner and since your house happen to be close to where he lives, it was very hard for your Mom to not invite him to the dinner (she might not have had that intention until he told her that he happened to live close to your house and that he sooo wanted to see your parents). That put your Mom in a difficult situation to say "no", even though that was what she would want to do, I mean, to say "no".
Check with your Mom about this to see that was how it happened, then you would understand her more and not mad about it anymore. I guess you should get over it, especially when it's your Mom's b-day and you would want her to be happy, wouldn't you?
Happy b-day to her by the way and cheers to you!
2007-10-01 04:52:50 · answer #4 · answered by song bird 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's 81 and wants to spend time with someone who is family. It's too bad YOU aren't close with him, but it's really not about you is it? It's your mom's birthday and sorry, at 81, she's allowed to use "poor judgment". Just be a gracious host, you have the room and it is a special occasion, besides...life is short and your first cousin obviously recognizes that. Don't deny the opportunity for a family member to spend time with her, it's selfish of you.
2007-10-01 04:39:40 · answer #5 · answered by L.A. Angel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, feelings are always understandable although realizing that they don't always have to be acted on helps. It is your moms birthday and if I could throw my mom a birthday party in my new home, I would be happy to welcome anyone she invited to her birthday party into the house. My mom died 7 yrs ago. Now I am not taking care of my father who has terminal lung cancer and I help him in every way I can to enjoy this last part of his life. I have more time to work out any personal issues I might have about other people, this is it for him and this is the last part of your moms life (no time frame just saying.....) I would get over my bad self and get on with helping her have a great birthday....Happy Birthday to your Mom too....
2007-10-01 04:45:34 · answer #6 · answered by scsspace 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that the first reaction would be anger but you really have to consider the circumstances. Your mother is 81 and it is her birthday. I would forgive her. Cherish this time with your mom and dad. Some people are not as lucky to have their parents around for that length of time. This incident really won't matter after she is gone. You can squeeze one more person in for her sake.
Good Luck....and have a good time!
2007-10-01 04:53:44 · answer #7 · answered by saved_by_grace 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The poor woman is 81 years old! She wants to see your cousin. This is her birthday, and how many more of them is she gonna get? Get over it, and let her invite your cousin. So what if you have a grudge? It's not your birthday. If you didn't want her to invite other people, you should've told her specifically not to.
2007-10-01 04:35:45 · answer #8 · answered by gilgamesh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand that you are not close to him but you did throw this party for her and it will not hurt for her to invite someone that is also family to her party. You have to remember that this is her party and that you should not deny her if she wants to invite someone. If you choose to invite him you just have to let him know that he not to bring anyone else because it is just immediate family. And again you have to be considerate that he have not seen his aunt in a long time and that you should not stop them from seeing each other and talk about old times he may know something about your child hood that you do not remember that you would want your kids to here and remember. Be nice this is her day and you should let her enjoy it with her family and her nephew.
2007-10-01 04:40:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's 80+ and it's her birthday. Let it slide this time. But a couple of days after the party, politely ask your mom to consult you next time before she invites people to your house. It's possible she really didn't think you'd mind, or she may have simply brain farted and forgot it wasn't her place to invite more guests.
2007-10-01 04:38:11 · answer #10 · answered by rohak1212 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋