i met this girl, her last relationship she was wit this guy for 9 years which he took her for granted and left her. i do not know too much details in this, she has been single for a while like probably 5 years. dated here and there but nothing serious. i like her, she seems very genuine and very nice, but when i go to hug her its like weird cuz she looks at me like if u can read her facial espression " what re u doing" so i back off but the next day she will call me to see me and all. she told me she scare to let loose cuz of the fear of being taken advantage she also told me she thinks too much and when she thinks it stops from doing things like for example she told me the other day she wanted to grab n kiss me but when she thought about it she stop herself, this is very confusing to me i like her and think theres potential but how can i handle this situation
what can i do or say
thanks if any one has been in this please share thanks
2007-10-01 04:06:27 · 16 answers · asked by simple J 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
date her and see where it goes. If she doesn't warm up you might just have to let go and let her get over this. 5 years is a long time and should be long enough for her to get over her last relationship, and she probably hasn't had the support she needed. Just take it slow and follow her lead.
2007-10-01 04:11:21 · answer #1 · answered by Lollipop 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she was with him for 9 years, that's a big part of her life. It very well can affect her future relationships because she has nothing to compare it to and she's scared. I can relate to her about the over thinking, she may be afraid of the concequences that might happen because she may have done it before and the reaction she got back was bad. If you really do like her, give her some time, take it slow. My b/f now, he took it real slow and let me open up when I felt ready. I've been hurt alot in the past by ex b/f's and it took a lot just to open up a little bit for him. But time after time he's proven to me that he won't hurt me. Show her that you're not there to use her and take her for granted. It may take some time, but if you really truly interested, it can turn out for the best.
2007-10-01 04:14:00 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not unusual if you've been hurt deeply to feel and act as this woman does. It is fear of being hurt again and is very difficult to overcome. Spontaneous affection from another person is, believe it or not very frightening. Be patient, it may sound dumb but before you just go to hug her ask her if it okay. I'll bet you get a much better response.
As for her wanting to grab you and kiss you, again she doesn't out of fear. Maybe not so much fear of rejection but fear of letting you know she does have feelings for you. In her mind she probably thinks that makes her vulnerable and you could hurt her. She protects herself by not following through on feelings.
It is a matter of patience and if you feel she is worth your time and effort. If she has already told you something of what she is feeling then I would think that is her way of asking you to please stick it out.
Good luck.
2007-10-01 04:23:19 · answer #3 · answered by Choqs 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It can affect her trust and respect for guys.
Maybe she's been treated badly by guys in the past. She will expect it from every other guy. If you want to help her just to be her friend, then do so. You could help her very slowly. It will take some time, but if you treat her with respect, she should gain more trust.
She's just scared...I'd keep an open mind. Just be careful. Treat her with care. Don't push things to far. Don't go too fast or anything.
2007-10-01 04:13:13 · answer #4 · answered by DragonLady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it can really screw up her perception of herself, as well as her confidence. She just need time to get to know you better and to let herself trust her own judgment again. I know someone who is about 5 years older than me, and she's been married 3 on her way to 4 times. The first one, came with baggage, and she was too young, she lost herself, the second was abusive, so was the 3 and the 4 ended badly with her cheating on the guy with the bf who just got out of jail (which btw they broke up because he was abusive to her) - anyway, you see, your girl is smart in that she doesn't hop from one situation to another without giving herself time to heal, whereas this girl does and its gotten her 3 bad marriages and I think she's only about 40 if that! Just give her a little more time, as in no pressure, talking of coffee dates where you just get to really know each other, because if you are now thinking this has potential clearly you understand the concept that good things come to those who wait. My husband and I both came out of a bad relationships, they were both cheaters - that was almost 20 years ago. We were together almost 10 years before we got married, and just celebrated our 7th anniversary on 9-22. Be patient and understanding, and good luck. Remember - no pressure, let her have time to trust her judgment about you, and giving her a few compliments would go a long way to help her confidence start to rebuild.
PS Next time tell her to just stop thinking and to follow her heart. Do her a favor though and yourself one too, if you don't really think this is going to end up a permanent, or long term, good for both of you, loving and nurturing relationship, where you guys can grow old together, end it now, before you break her heart and come away with burns of your own.
2007-10-01 04:25:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a female and yes if can affect her future relationships. We seem to put up this wall that no one can knock down. I'ts a defense mechanism. We really truly believe no one can knock down our wall. We won't let our self feel of fear of being hurt again. Just let me tell you that when the right person comes around the wall will start coming down, slowly, but surely. It takes time, so if you really like this girl, take it very slow, don't push anything. I know it's hard when you really like someone so much. Just take it day by day, you just might be that right person and it will take her some time to realize that.
2007-10-01 04:22:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well best thing to do is take it slow and go slowly. When you take her out, hold hands with her everywhere you go so that she can see t don't your senciere. Also after a date and you take her home hold her hand and kiss it like a true gentleman. All this time her trust in you will go higher and higher until she will open up and let lose with you. But get in a hurry because she will shut down in a hurry. But if you like her enough you can make a long wonderful relationship with her and have earned her trust
2007-10-01 04:16:31 · answer #7 · answered by Always ready for anything 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's got trust issues, she was hurt and used by this guy. So now she's scared it's going to happen again. Past relationships can effect someone their entire life. It can be very hard to get past those feelings. You just need to be patient with her and demonstrate that you're different, and would never use her or leave her like that.
And try to pick up on those urges she has to kiss you. If you see one, meet her halfway. At least half way. Before she changes her mind.
2007-10-01 04:14:27 · answer #8 · answered by rohak1212 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, it sounds like she likes you but is just scared. My best advice is to be gentle with her and patient and understanding, and have a lot of long talks about what happened in her past. Show her that she can trust you, and in time, she will. I predict that it will not be too long before you are hugging and kissing all the time. =)
2007-10-01 04:11:27 · answer #9 · answered by Chloe 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Both men and women can come out of a relationship, jaded and having issues. Just be patient with her if you love her. It may take some time for her to fully trust you but, I bet when she does give in to loving and trusting you freely and fully, it will be one of the best relationships you've ever had.
2007-10-01 04:12:19 · answer #10 · answered by The Wižard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋