Women jokes?

Question

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side.

How is a woman like a condom?

Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick

Why are married women heavier than single women?

Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?

Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Why do they say 'Amen' at the end of a prayer instead of 'Awomen'?

The same reason they sing Hymns instead of Hers!

As the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts etc. Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell and crew take you safely to your destination."

Joe sitting in the 8th row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right - is the captain a woman? I think I better have scotch and soda."

When the attendants came by with drink cart, he said, "Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"

"Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female."

"My God," said Joe, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think of all those women up there in the cockpit."

"That's another thing," said the attendant, "We no longer call it the cockpit."

http://jokes4all.net/jokes/women/jokes_2830.html

Answer 1

Real good buddy, loved it.
Keep up the good sense of humor.
Give you a star.
Take care

Answer 2

A woman marries a man expecting him to change, and he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting her not to change and she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you 'just don't understand'.

Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.

Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.

Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.

Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.

Women think all beer is the same.

If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.

Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, 'It's there in the Bible'. Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?

Women do not know anything about cars. 'Oil-stick, oil doesn't stick?'

The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.

Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.

Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.

Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.

Answer 3

Excelent 10/10

Answer 4

10 reasons why a handgun is better than a woman

#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.

#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for
when you're on the road.

#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he
will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a
backup.

#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of
ammo.

#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.

#3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you
use it.

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN . . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun.

Answer 5

heard it before but that time was a lil different i like that joke XD ☆☆☆☆☆ 5/5 stars XD (im such a woman lol)

Answer 6

Hahahahahahaaaaa, enjoyed them mate, still having a good chuckle to myself here lol.

Answer 7

LOLOL Good ones but I smell dissent LOL

Answer 8

OUCH, find yourself well and truly slapped, pmsl at them hun

have a star

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Answer 9

hi some of those were very funny i love being able to laugh at my self lol

Answer 10

I got a good laugh, nice to start a Monday like this......

Thanks