I have a 4 year old child with my ex. He has no rights to her anymore- he willingly terminated his own parental rights years ago so that my husband could adopt. She knows she is adopted, but she doesn't know him.
We went years without contact from him because that's how we all agreed to do it. Lately, though, I have been receiving email messages and phone calls from his new wife. Apparently, he has a terminal illness and now wants contact with the child. He is expected to survive less than 6 months.
I can't trust him. He's been abusive and lied to me in the past. I don't know her, so I have no way of knowing if he's really sick or if this is just their way of weaseling back into our lives.
Even if he is sick, though, I don't think it's right to let him back into our child's life right now. She's very young, doesn't know him, and I see no point in introducing someone into her life that is only going to die soon. Why allow her that heartache?
How do I get her to leave me alone?
2007-10-01 03:51:28 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Well, if that is really how you feel, I would tell her politely exactly what you have stated here. He terminated his rights and turned his back on her, now he wants to do what? Satisfy some need for himself? He isn't doing this for her, she has a dad who I bet loves her every day.
Tell her "I'm sorry. Goodbye."
2007-10-01 04:00:57 · answer #1 · answered by Robb 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do NOT let him back into her life. Your husband is her daddy. The abuse alone is enough to protect your child from it. I have an ex who signed rights off of 2 different children, turned around got married and had 2 more kids and the wife started emailing the mothers wanting to have a "grand" reunion and introduce all the siblings to eachother. First it's not the wifes place to say anything to any mother in this situation. Secondly, he signed off rights...he has NONE! Neither does she, and what she is doing is considered harassment. Fatal disease or not he should have thought about being a father long before now. The ONLY thing that will happen is confusion to a child and more hurt and questions that the "sperm" won't want to answer or even be able to. And once he's gone..who would be there then for your child? This has NO written all over it honey!!
2007-10-01 04:01:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand your feelings on not wanting him to come back into your lifes, he did give up his rights. And if he can't be trusted, then he can't be trusted. have you already tried to just flat out tell her to leave you and your family alone? If not, just tell her the truth. i can't understand though why she's doing the contacting and not him, something just doesn't seem right, ask her to cut the bull and tell you what the 'real' reason is for the e-mailing and phone calls.
2007-10-01 04:01:55 · answer #3 · answered by Blondie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Refer to the legal action that has already been taken, there must be information in there regarding future contact. Let her know that you all came to an agreement years ago and you don't want to put your child in a situation that will only cause her emotional harm. If she doesn't leave you alone then you can tell her that a lawyer has been contacted and you are willing to take legal action if she doesn't stop harassing you.
2007-10-01 04:44:03 · answer #4 · answered by Ca 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree, she's too young to handle that entire situation. I would suggest though that he make her a video or write a letter to give her when she's older or something along those lines.
2007-10-01 06:43:07 · answer #5 · answered by pookiesmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her no. Tell her that you husband is her father now. You don't need to keep justifying yourself to her. He made the decision and that is how it is. If she still keeps harassing you tell her that you will place a restraining order on her.
2007-10-01 04:19:31 · answer #6 · answered by Aumatra 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Send them an email explaining that while his guilt is going crazy, he will do nothing but confuse the poor girl at this point. Let him know that you harbor no hard feelings against him and that you have forgiven him. That may be all that he is looking for. You could also include a picture of your daughter for him to be buried with.
2007-10-01 04:01:28 · answer #7 · answered by Silver B 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
his illness sounds genuine to me. even if your ex lies, doubted the new wife is part of the deceit unless she got nothing better to do. if it's real, he's your kid bio father. not sure how will your kid feels when she come to learn that you "deprived" her of reuniting with her father .... kids nowadays, we can never figure out their thinking ... of course, whatever you decide you should get your current husband blessing
2007-10-01 04:11:20 · answer #8 · answered by worried mum 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I disagree with you. First , yes he abandoned his daughter, but it is still "her" father and even though she is young she will be grate-full to know the truth when she is old enough to understand. Secondly if he is dying at least have the decency to grant his last dying wish! God will bless you for your stewardship!
2007-10-05 03:50:17 · answer #9 · answered by maur911 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand your situation, as my children were adopted by my husband. Respond to this woman by saying you are sorry to hear about his illness, and her grief. Then tell her firmly that he CHOSE to remove himself from her life years ago, and will not allow any contact with him for her emotional wellbeing. Then tell her "Please do not try to contact us again." and add her to the ignore list. If she tries to contact you by phone or any other method, call the police and report it as harrassment.
2007-10-01 10:05:02 · answer #10 · answered by missbeans 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋