How do I help my step son cope with change in living situations?

Question

I have an 8 year old step son. He lives with his mother during the week & with his father & I on the weekend. This has been his routine for 4 years & as far as I can tell he has been ok with it. About a month ago, his mother moved in with her fiance & he started a new school. Ever since they moved he has started doing little things he never did before. We've seen him sucking his thumb a few times & he whines alot & talks like a baby. I don't think there is a problem in the home or at school. He seems happy until he is asked to do something like take a shower or get dressed. If he wants something he talks in a baby voice. I think the problem is that he feels like he is now sharing his mother with her fiance & he is looking for attention. Up until now it has been just him & her in their home. I wish we could talk to her about our concerns, but she will be offended & think that we are questioning her parenting skills. What can be done on our end to make him feel better?

Answer 1

As a teacher, I have seem many children go through phases like this when confronted with tough situations. This is a very hard time for him, so sticking as closely to a routine on your end as possible will help him.

Try not to encourage the baby voice. If he asks you in a whiney voice for something, tell him very sweetly without making fun that you would love to get it for him, but you want him to ask like a big boy. Encourage his good behaviour.

Honestly, though, I think that you or Dad needs to talk to mom, since she seems to be a the root of this upset. Don't accuse her of anything, just tell her:
"look, Jack as been acting differently lately. He seems really insecure, has been sucking his thumb and talking in a baby voice. Have you noticed any of this?"
and see what her response is. If she wasn't aware, now she is. But this will at least get her to realize that it is a problem.

Routines are VERY important to children. When they are changed, kids don't feel safe or secure. I really think that he would benefit from some extra attention on your side, but the most beneficial thing for him will be for you to have a very tight routine on your end, so that he feels perfectly safe at least half of the time.

Good luck. Bless you for being such a loving step mom!

Answer 2

talk 2 him about it. tell him U know that it is sum times difficult 2 share time w/ sum1 new & that it is ok 2 have more people who love him. tell him that U think he is a big kid & that U r excited that there is another "dad" 2 hang out w/. if he knows U r ok w/ the situation he should get over it. maybe U can say 2 mom that U have noticed that he seems 2 be acting out 2 get attention. that maybe he thinks that acting like a baby will make her give him more. then let him know that after everything settles down it will all work out. she is probably not paying as much attention 2 him as she did b4 because she is w/ her new man. I understand how this could make her defensive... however, they should both spend time w/ him so that he can adjust. talk 2 him like a little adult. it will make him feel better if he knows U see his point.

Answer 3

Just keep on encouraging him, while he's with you, to behave like a 'big kid'. If he uses a baby voice to communicate, tell him that you're having a hard time understanding it & ask him to try again in a voice you can understand better.

And, talk positively to him about the changes in his life. Keep on reminding him, conversationally, that his relationship with his mother didn't change at all - the only thing that happened is that they both have someone new to love, too.

Answer 4

Just reassure him that no matter where or who he lives with his parents are always going to love him. Maybe the 5 of you should sit down together and talk to him about the living situations and his new school.

Answer 5

Therapists don't work on weekends. It looks serious to me, if you telling it like it is. Of course you can never tell. I'd rather be an alarmist in this case. You might could get full custody. The parents might like it like it is, but does he? Why not ask him? Shower, undressed, hm.

Answer 6

well maybe he's talking like a baby cuz he feels a little excluded, why dont the four of you kinda have a like a fall picnic thing? and just talk and spend time with eachother, play games and everything if your not like that just throw a ''whatever party''. make sure he's like included ( cuz its basically for him but dont let him know that lol that wouldn't be to good i dont think) and it seems like a good way just to relax and get to know each other and stuff, ask if he would like to help you plan it plan the activities and treats, maybe he can help make them too, if you dont want to have a picnic, just have a Family game night, let him choose a couple games, dont spoil him but let him feel like his opinion matters. as for his mom just suggest to have a fun thing for everyone, Game night, Picnic, Family home evening, even though you aren't all family but still its nice, and it'll make him feel like he has one life not two. and he'll feel like a normal kid, or just surprise him sometime for instance if you pick him up from some where go to mCdonalds or something and just spend sometimes with him, or Go 4 wheelin with him, play basketball with him, if he starts talkin like a baby just say calmly not aggressivly just say'' im not gonna play if you talk like that'' if he keeps on talking like that then say thats the first strike, if he does it twice more, then say ok i told you im not going to, just stay calm and leave. he'll get over it, and if he comes back in wineing nad complaining, put him in a time out ( calmly) explain to him that if he is gonna talk like a baby then he's going to be treated like one also..... another piece of advice is catch him at good moments and tell him that he's doin an awesome job or something. like if you see him doing something you like or reconise that he's tryin to help just tell him how cool it is he's helping or how nice it was that he did something or said something eventually after noticing that you notice these things he'll want to do it more. and grow out of the baby voice. but dont make him feel stupid when he speaks it just say calmly and maturely not in a annoyed voice that if he wants to talk like a baby he's going to go in a time out. and put him in a time out for 8 minutes the time starts when he stops wineing. make sure its on a stoel or a chair in the hall or something. and if he gets off the stoel he's going to have to start the time over again the first couple tries will be annoying but believe me the more you do this it will get easier and he'll learn. as for sucking his thumb, just dont say anything and calmly take it out of his mouth if he wines just say, something like '' ur teeth are gonna get all mixed up if you do that'' but if he wants to let himeventually he's gonna get worried about it. and as for him wineing when he has to get in the shower, or anything just be like.. well then i guess we're not gonna do anything fun tonight or today( then he'll probably go take a shower, or ask what you'll do) if he asks just be like... your not gonna find out unless you take a shower, ( or do this or do that) or im not going to tell you unless you take a shower or do this, or that, but make sure you dont tell him what your going to do until he's out,. and make sure you DO do something like watch a movie together with popcorn or, play a game, something fun not lame or else he'll be like'' oh yeah i know how that went last time '' and he wont go in the shower the next time, play an outdoor activity. go for a walk, but give him attention during the walk. or play charades or something. well thats my advice i hope it helps!!!

Answer 7

Member since: December 14, 2006
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Elisabeth R
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well maybe he's talking like a baby cuz he feels a little excluded, why dont the four of you kinda have a like a fall picnic thing? and just talk and spend time with eachother, play games and everything if your not like that just throw a ''whatever party''. make sure he's like included ( cuz its basically for him but dont let him know that lol that wouldn't be to good i dont think) and it seems like a good way just to relax and get to know each other and stuff, ask if he would like to help you plan it plan the activities and treats, maybe he can help make them too, if you dont want to have a picnic, just have a Family game night, let him choose a couple games, dont spoil him but let him feel like his opinion matters. as for his mom just suggest to have a fun thing for everyone, Game night, Picnic, Family home evening, even though you aren't all family but still its nice, and it'll make him feel like he has one life not two. and he'll feel like a normal kid, or just surprise him sometime for instance if you pick him up from some where go to mCdonalds or something and just spend sometimes with him, or Go 4 wheelin with him, play basketball with him, if he starts talkin like a baby just say calmly not aggressivly just say'' im not gonna play if you talk like that'' if he keeps on talking like that then say thats the first strike, if he does it twice more, then say ok i told you im not going to, just stay calm and leave. he'll get over it, and if he comes back in wineing nad complaining, put him in a time out ( calmly) explain to him that if he is gonna talk like a baby then he's going to be treated like one also..... another piece of advice is catch him at good moments and tell him that he's doin an awesome job or something. like if you see him doing something you like or reconise that he's tryin to help just tell him how cool it is he's helping or how nice it was that he did something or said something eventually after noticing that you notice these things he'll want to do it more. and grow out of the baby voice. but dont make him feel stupid when he speaks it just say calmly and maturely not in a annoyed voice that if he wants to talk like a baby he's going to go in a time out. and put him in a time out for 8 minutes the time starts when he stops wineing. make sure its on a stoel or a chair in the hall or something. and if he gets off the stoel he's going to have to start the time over again the first couple tries will be annoying but believe me the more you do this it will get easier and he'll learn. as for sucking his thumb, just dont say anything and calmly take it out of his mouth if he wines just say, something like '' ur teeth are gonna get all mixed up if you do that'' but if he wants to let himeventually he's gonna get worried about it. and as for him wineing when he has to get in the shower, or anything just be like.. well then i guess we're not gonna do anything fun tonight or today( then he'll probably go take a shower, or ask what you'll do) if he asks just be like... your not gonna find out unless you take a shower, ( or do this or do that) or im not going to tell you unless you take a shower or do this, or that, but make sure you dont tell him what your going to do until he's out,. and make sure you DO do something like watch a movie together with popcorn or, play a game, something fun not lame or else he'll be like'' oh yeah i know how that went last time '' and he wont go in the shower the next time, play an outdoor activity. go for a walk, but give him attention during the walk. or play charades or something. well thats my advice i hope it helps!!!

Source(s):

if need be get closer to him and talk to him about. he'll be able to talk about it way easier when he's older too