When my 14 yr. old daugher is on the phone or computer with her boyfriend, I drop everything so I can sit by her and listen/read. I wont go out with my hubby of 20 yrs. if I know she wants her boyfriend to come over. I help her plan her week depending on what his schedule is... Hes not even good for her (he has all the lines), but I almost get depressed if she even thinks she doesnt like him anymore. How do I stop my obsessive behavior.! I think about their relationship to the point that I loose sleep if I think they arent gonna go out anymore. what is wrong with me!?
2007-10-01 03:15:07 · 17 answers · asked by LONNIE M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sounds like you have a crush on the boy. Perhaps your husband would be able to offer some advice to you. Ask him.
Or, you can just GROW UP.
2007-10-01 03:18:27 · answer #1 · answered by Frinn 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Well, if this her frist relationship, I would say that you want to be a part of it with her, and share this experience with her. If you do this with all of her relationships, I would say that you miss being young and having the opportunities that she has right now.. I also think you want to be more like her friend than her mother...
I'm not very old, and my mother and I had a similar relationship. To this day she is my VERY best friend, and I love her more than anything. But, I, at the age of 14-17, took advantage of our friendship, and her niaveity, and did things that I am not proud of, nor will she ever know happened.
Just don't be so close to your daughter that you can't see the forest for the trees. Don't be niave, and try to give her space to make some of her own memories. I say it is okay to be happy for your daughter, and it's okay to be wistful for her and want her to be successful. If these are not the reasons that you are hovering around her relationships, I might suggest group therapy.. family therapy, to find out why you are, as you put it, obsessed with your daughters relationship.
And please remember, your daughters happiness is what matters most. If she is fine with you being so involved in her relationship, and you are doing it for the right reasons, it could be a good thing. You have an opening to talk to her about sex, drugs, and other premiscous behavior before it has time to take root.
And if you know the boyfriend is not good for her, but the two of you are so close, why didn't you tell her?
2007-10-01 03:28:51 · answer #2 · answered by sos_sweet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a 14yr. Daughter as well and I think you are doing the right thing!
I even have a Myspace for my business & to watch whats going on.
We are very close & each others best friends so, she doesn't mind.
She ask's me questions & tells me everthing in her life.
(remember not to react in a negative way, if you get an outragious question you can't handle, she'll never ask you again!)
Losing sleep? Welcome to the teen years!
No you are NOT obsessive, just not presenting it the right way thats all!
You're her Mother, and kudo's to you...you care!
Try to have a mother Daughter outting 1 time a week!
Go shopping, manicure, pedicure. This is the most important time of her life and rather than "obsessing", it's time to think of her a a young woman. Talk about Sex, talk about guy's and how they can use girls. Also talk to her about how important it is to save herself until marriage. Do this while shopping or in the car.
Trust me it's better than eaves dropping.
When you know her, you will know your daughter is trust worthy.
But, as I said before KUDOS 2 U, most mothers don't care!
2007-10-01 03:56:54 · answer #3 · answered by Numb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are doing what many parents do....trying to protect her from heartbreak, except you are taking it to the extreme. She HAS to learn the hard lessons herself...that is how people grow and mature. Make a conscience decision that you make yourself find something else to do in another room when she is on the computer. You need to relax a little bit. Not to the point that you're entirely hands off, but you can monitor them from a little distance.
2007-10-01 03:37:31 · answer #4 · answered by Lisa W 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
at 14, she doesnt even need to have a boyfriend. If you keep up your behavior your daughter is going to feel smothered pretty soon , and she's going to resent you. My mom was super nosey and I hated it. I felt like I had no privacy at all, and I started to resent her for it. I love my mother, but at the time, it was terrible, feeling like I couldnt blink without my mother being right there. You're gonna have to force yourself to give her a little space. Its okay to want to know what she's up to, especially at 14, but even if she does break up with her boyfriend...who cares? she's 14, not 24.
2007-10-01 03:23:01 · answer #5 · answered by Dani 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have a much deeper problem than simply living through your daughter. One good thing, you have acknowledged part of the problem, and are willing to seek help. May I suggest you seek the guidance of a professional counselor or psychotherapist? With their help, you can look inside yourself and discover the root of this problem, and deal with it. Until you are able to do this, your problem will not be resolved, no matter how much you "try to grow up" or "try to get your own life".
Best wishes, and sure hope your obsessive behavior doesn't interfer with your relationship with your daughter or your husband.
2007-10-01 03:32:48 · answer #6 · answered by tracy 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
it is called the story of Lil Alice in Wonder Land
they should ban the CAROL ..
her escaping in the middle of the night through
the safety of her bed out the window off to the LAND!!!
with The Mad Hatter,,to meet all the imaginary out there
Go read the book together As Mother like Daughter
No other way Child just keep those windows Shut
as Women as in family hold the Home Together,!!!,
2007-10-01 03:35:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds to me like you just care for your daughter a great deal. She's bound to have heartbreaks though whether your there or not. I know I'm not looking forward to my daughter dating when she gets older because I know it's hard at first and when you get your heart broke it sucks.
2007-10-01 03:19:36 · answer #8 · answered by ?only?me? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my mom did that to me,i hated it.eventually i started to do what ever i want(i just rejected her)i ingnored her, i wouldnt call and tell her where i was.i would stay gone for days.no guy is every going to be good enough for your daughter.your never going to like any guy she going to date.she dosent have the same taste in guys you have.my mom use to point out guys she thought ware cute and nice.she asked me why dont i date him.he was ugly to me and i thought he was to weird and plus he was my bros friend,thier had to be something wrong with the guy.
2007-10-01 03:40:05 · answer #9 · answered by monica_hogard 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, you need to get a life that is your own. Go out with friends, meet new people, get some hobbies...whatever it takes to stop living vicariously through your daughter.
2007-10-01 03:18:10 · answer #10 · answered by CC 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋