She is 11 years old. I have been w/my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. They seemed to be bonding quite well. However, for the past 6 months, she began to be rude. She doesn't respect him and talk back to him. He ofcourse felt bad at first, but now I can notice that its annoying him. I have talked to her on several occassions and also demanded some respect toward myself and him. Is this normal? What should I do? She was rude this weekend, and now as punishment, I blocked all her favorite tv channels for this week.
2007-10-01 03:13:10 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have actually thought about breaking things with him because of my daughter's attitude. I just don't want him to go through this. Not fair for him.
2007-10-01 03:14:31 · update #1
She has told me that she doesn't want me to get married and have children. She has been the only child all her life. Can this explain her behavior?
2007-10-01 03:15:29 · update #2
He has never been rude or disrespectful to him in any way.
We only see eachother on weekends and trust me, we do stuff more w/her than her real dad!!
2007-10-01 03:51:25 · update #3
yes that might expliain her behavior. i know because she is 11 and she is just realizing what my happen if ur realshinship goes really far. she is just confused. this is normal. grounding isnt gonna help u its goona make her more nad and want to rebell. just ask her whats going on. also myb stop kissing ur bf around her. take it slow. eventually she will get used to u guys bing 2gether and calm down. myb b4 she was just taking it in and know she is exploding with anger. like i said take it slow and show her u dont wanna do anything that will hurt her. then tell her it wont b bad to have brothers/sisters and a bigger family. then myb she will just except it.
2007-10-01 03:24:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
ugh. It is called "pre-teen". My sons (3 of them) started the mouthing off, rudeness, knowing it all, etc. at the age of 11. The day they turned 13 the flood gates opened! Each one of them had their own little extreme times, but basically it was the same for all 3. If they wanted a fight, I gave it to them. If they wanted to mouth off, I got in their faces and mouth right back. I didn't sit down and nicely talk to them making sure I didn't hurt their feelings or pshycologically scare them as the shrinks would say. I let them see what sort of reaction that sort of behavior got them. What they gave me, I gave back telling them they get what they give out. If they want the people around them to be pleasant and respectful then that is how they need to be. It worked. Now, I did try the "talking" calmly and considered his feelings (on my 14 year old). Ya, that lasted about a week. He just kept it up. I used my old reasoning and it worked. However, when they had emotional problems and needed to talk I was there for them. I had to be strong and stick to my guns or they would have gotten out of control. It may sound harsh, but maybe that is what our kids need today. Maybe there wouldn't be so much crime if we parents showed our children there are consequences for their bad behavior. Keep into consideration also that your daughter is starting to go through hormonal changes. Tell her you understand because you were there at one point and reassure her no one will ever take her place or replace any love you have for her then hope for the best! Let her know she can come to you with any problem and you will help her. Have girls night out once in a while. Make it a monthly or weekly thing. She will appreciate it. Sorry, my spell check isn't working!
2007-10-01 10:40:11 · answer #2 · answered by Paula D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does your boyfriend try to parent your daughter? That is one reason she could feel resentful. Respect is earned it is never demanded. Do you think cutting her off really makes her feel like part of the new family?
If you create a time for you and your daughter to talk...just you...she will feel safer to open up and explain her feelings. With so many parents divorced it is possible she has some friends going through the same thing. She sees that more kids means more conflict.
Where is your daughters father? Does she have a relationship with him?
2007-10-01 10:20:56 · answer #3 · answered by karla k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She actually sounds kind of jealous. If she’s been the only one in your life then that would explain, but not excuse, the behavior. If your bf and your daughter hadn’t gotten along from the beginning that would be one thing but if they got along at first and she is just now starting to behave this way it sounds like the beginning of the pre-teenager years. Your daughter does need to respect your bf and both of you have the right to demand respect from her and if it’s not given then there are punishments.
You shouldn’t break things off with your bf – you are a package deal. While I don’t think that someone else should parent your child this is obviously a man you have been with for awhile and maybe it’s time for him to take a little more active role. Your daughter knows that, for instance, if she talks back to him that she’s going to be grounded from something. Maybe allow him to create that punishment as long as it’s something that you and he agree to ahead of time and you are willing to back up. It’s gotta be frustrating for him to have to sit on the sidelines all the time...especially if she is treating him like that. You guys have been together for awhile now – maybe she’s worried about being left out of your “new family.”
Outside of that – try to spend some quality time with your daughter. She’s starting to really grow up in ways that really count and maybe she’s worried you’ll be too busy for that special time with her. Take her out to dinner, go to the mall with her and get makeovers...whatever, maybe that will help her to not feel so insecure when it comes to you and him.
Hope this helps...good luck!
2007-10-01 11:02:39 · answer #4 · answered by Kim B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's starting to want to be more independent. If you can, respect her wishes that you don't get married and have more kids, please believe me when I say its better to mean it. She may be worried that you'll leave her, that you'll stop loving her. My mom did that to me (it felt like it when she never stayed home on the weekend, never wanted to talk to me.) She's growing up, but is going to need her mom right until university! Maybe every week or two, just the two of you go out for a few hours, without your boyfriend. And since he cares about BOTH of you, he'll understand.
2007-10-01 10:20:10 · answer #5 · answered by Bridget S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, your daughter probably has abandonment issues, and feels quite a lot of emotional pain because of your divorce. even if she got along with your boyfried at first, in the back of her mind, she doesn't want you to be taken away by him.
parents don't usually attend to their children's emotional needs after a divorce... they don't reassure them, or get them into therapy or educate themselves on the emotional impact a divorce has on children...
sometimes kids even think it's their fault their parents divorced.
Maybe instead of demanding respect, you and the boyfriend could take the adult stance, be reassuring, let the daughter know you love her and are "there" for her if she needs someone to listen.
Maybe she NEEDS an outlet? there are a lot of therapists out there who specialize in these issues
take care hon.
2007-10-01 10:42:17 · answer #6 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is being a typical kid. Do not allow her to manipulate you, and that is what she is doing. Her goal right now is to keep you under her thumb. As an only child she thinks the world revolves around her. If she continues her attitude, you will have to impose
more sanctions such as grounding, extra duties around the house, etc. She will eventually get the picture that you rule the roost,not her.
2007-10-01 10:28:27 · answer #7 · answered by Lisa W 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe she thinks that u might start being with ur bf more than her. maybe shes going thru a really tough time and still wants u to be with her dad and isnt ready to move on yet. but she could just be growing up cuz she got along with him in the beginning or that u might "forget" bout her and just ignore her. talk to her ad ask her if anythings wrong between them or if shes afraid or something. maybe shell open up and then all three of u can be happy. i hope u dont have to break up with him since it seems that ur happy with him
good luck ; )
2007-10-01 21:37:10 · answer #8 · answered by jaz<3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes it's obvious that your daughter is jealous of him for whatever reason r u spending more time with him then her or did u ask her did he do something to her or did she see him do something disrespectful for her to just start acting that way it has to be a reason y she just starting acting out...u need to talk to her and really c how she feels about him but never choose sides over her for him and if he loves u he will understand if u think it's best for u to stop seeing each other for a while while u try to work out your problems
2007-10-01 10:35:34 · answer #9 · answered by blkbeautygrl07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What concerns me is they seemed to be bonding and then she dramatically changed. I think you need to find a way of getting her to open up about what happened.
It may have been something silly she heard him say, it could have been just her trying to flex her muscles to try and show him she is more important to you, or ................? I am sorry but you never know what may have happened and her reactions according to what you say could indicate some form of abuse. You NEED to find out.
I am aware though that it is most likely just her age and the root of it all is just the Preteen attitude.
You may just ignore what I am saying, but for the sake of your daughter and your relationships with your bf and daughter, I believe you need to make sure one way or the other.
2007-10-01 10:28:16 · answer #10 · answered by Rational Thought 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋