wrecks everything in your house, moved here about 6 months ago from spain, where we were for about 3 years, so had to buy all new furniture and decorate the house. our hallway had only been decorated for about 6 weeks and my husband had to repaint it yesterday because there were dirty marks all the way up where she had leant on the walls, my one leather sofa, where she sits is starting to fade because of her little accidents, and to top it all, I have had to buy a new vaccuum cleaner yesterday because she had been forcing it down to hoover instead of pressing the lever at the side, it was only 6 months old, still under guarantee, but they will say it is abuse so cant send it back. aaargh....... I know some of you will say put her in an old peoples home, but this is easier said than done, she is 80 by the way
2007-10-01 03:01:32 · 25 answers · asked by SUE G online 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
some of you are calling me selfish, how can i be selfish when i am letting her share my home, looking after her and saying that it would be difficult to put her in an old folks home, like some of you have suggested because i am considering her feelings. she hoovers while i am at work, thinking she is helping, i dont make her
2007-10-01 03:32:44 · update #1
1st you might want to see if her doctor could give her something for her "accidents" or depends. I do not think you are selfish at all. It takes a very kind person to allow her to live with you. It is very easy to say that it's expected however I would love to know how many people have an 80 yr old woman living with them that you are taking care of. Most likely none.
I would see if you can get her to join a senior citizen group where they pick her up and drop her off. Like a day care for the elderly. This would keep her out of the house, nothing gets damaged, and gives her a social life. check your local churches or clubs to see what's going on. I am sure she is board and wants to help but just can't do things like she use to.
Good Luck
2007-10-02 02:21:05 · answer #1 · answered by Kat G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did you come back from Spain just so you can look after her??? She is 80 and sounds like the way she is carrying on she should not be left on her own during the day. Some Ole Poeples Homes let you just go in for the day, I used to work in the homes and I can remember some old people being dropped off for the day. This would be very kind to her she would have her mind occupied through out the day. Best of luck.
2007-10-01 10:47:32 · answer #2 · answered by doris 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I would start buying the least expensive Hoovers out there. One every six months is small price to keep her amused during the day. As for the "accidents", not sure of the nature of those, but maybe some kind of waterproof pad, pillows, cusshions or something would help. Finally, if the poor woman is so dirty as to leave dirty marks on the walls if she leans on them, then you really need to consider getting part time in-home elder-aide of some kind for while everyone is at work.
2007-10-01 10:45:24 · answer #3 · answered by undone 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
How sad for everyone. It is very hard to take care of our elderly. It doesn't mean we don't love them. Maybe she would be happier in a home where they do crafts and keep them busy during the day. She will also get the proper care she needs. I know some facilities are bad news, but there are good ones out there. Actually, if those are the only problems you are having you are lucky. It is very hard when the person also has Dementia. They are better off, for sure, in a nice home to help them. Good luck
2007-10-01 10:10:35 · answer #4 · answered by Paula D 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you are in a financial position to do so, you could hire some in-home help, even if it is just for the hours that you are at work. That way, she won't be alone.
It is understandable that you are frustrated. I took care of my grandmother who did similar things for years. There were days where all I wanted to do was send her away, but I loved her too much to go through with it. You're NOT selfish, you're a normal person in a frustrating situation who wants to do what is best for everyone.
2007-10-01 13:33:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are some great assisted living places that really arent like 'old folks homes' She might be happier there and definitely you would be happier. You are not selfish no matter where she is since you are paying a price either in your peace of mind and homes condition OR financially. I salute you and doubt you will do this to your children.This is basically about you and your husband having a serious discussion. Tell him this isnt working for you and what does he suggest?
2007-10-01 10:59:13 · answer #6 · answered by barthebear 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
SueG, I think you are a gem taking in your mother in law. I wouldn't do it.
I would find her a home of her own, nearby, so I could keep an eye on her, but attempt to give her some independence.
I wouldn't feel guilty about it, because you need time alone with your family. I would hate to be a burden on my family. I would fight to the last to be as independent from others as possible. She is lucky to have family nearby and who care for her. It would probably do her the world of good and your local authority may provide a daily or weekly carer to help her out.
2007-10-02 17:50:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
at this age some elderly people are like kids, need a constant looking after and they make as much mess as the little ones, just that you can't really teach them any more...
you either have to be patient and tell her not to do things around the house, or think of something that she can do and tell her that she could help you just with that, if she it's difficult for her to manage other things. just let her know that you are fine by doing your house chores, she should only look after her health.
as for the sofa, cover it with something that has a pvc cover underneath, so her 'accidents' don't ruin your furniture.
2007-10-01 10:09:11 · answer #8 · answered by black_dahlia 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Life is too short,i own a residential home and looking after 80 year olds is really hard work,please put yourself first she could live for another 20 years getting worse,good luck and don't be bullied,a lot of the people writing on this site wouldn't do it
2007-10-01 17:32:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Check your local area for social satellite centres or even day care centres. Many of these places will collect your MIL from your house in the morning, she can go to the centre from 10am till 4pm, Mon-Fri. They have scheduled activities like bingo, dancing, exercise classes, cardgames, etc., as well as providing dinner and in the case of a day care centre, will shower her if it's a problem at home. She doesn't have to attend any of the activities, she can go out for a walk, or just chat with others.
She sounds like she's at a bit of a loss. I know it's tough on you, but it must have been a huge adjustment for her also, and she must be feeling it hard to find her place in her new situation.
Best of luck, I think you're great for having her in your home, and I hope it all works out well.
Edit: forgot to say, she should be able to get a supply of pads to deal with her 'accidents' from your local district nurse.
2007-10-01 13:14:35 · answer #10 · answered by RM 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋