I am 21 years old.I have a boy friend who is 3 monthes older than me.2 years ago I got freind with him.His father bankrupted 1 year ago and almost at the same time his mother got breast cancer.From that time he has been always preoccupied with their problems.Both of us are university students .on holidays he spends his time with them.The situation of his family gets worse day to day and I have no hope that things get better even in the future.I feel sorry 4 them but most of the time my boyfriend leaves me alone to go and give a hand to them.He is fickle too.Sometimes he asks me to see eachother 3 times a week and sometimes even 4 1 week he does not phone me.He had this behavior even before his family problems arise.2 times I tried to interrupt our relationship, but he insists on cotinuing.I know He loves me more and less,he is kind and faithful,but this problems bothers me I have gotten so depressed.I talked to him about this many times but no use.We have not had sexual relationship.
2007-10-01 01:54:40 · 13 answers · asked by Ara 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Because at first we desided to have it if we would marry,
2007-10-01 02:23:37 · update #1
I see that you're the best of friends who are in love with each other.
Prolong more your thread of patience because he is undergoing huge family problems and I believe you're the only one whom he knows he can trust, run for a good shoulder to cry on/advice and that moral support.
Best friends or even best friends who love each other... stay together through thick and thin. Even if that means he go penniless or whatever. Finance-status-reputation are all but superficial... ok. What is important is the good character of the person and that he treats you well, he loves you and he is faithful to you and accepts you for just simply for what you are as is.
But if you think your needs aren't being answered by him and what is happening is depressing you then, you can only answer for yourself if you want to move on, meet other guys and break the bond with him but you well know this will even add up to your best friend's/love-one burden and distressing life.
Guide him to find equilibrum between his family and personal problems and your relationship.
Don't have high expectations so you won't get hurt.
There's such significant manner called: "unconditional love" "unconditional care" we can give to a best friend, love one and this means... being there for them no matter what kind of season of the year and putting their happiness first before ours. This doesn't mean martyr but this is what signifies of a true love when you know and realized you have one. I'm telling you this based on experience.
Main helping cues: flexibility -patience - sincerity frankness - compassion to each other and having that quality time spend supporting each other in any life's down-turns or upscale fruits.
Good luck! I hope my advice helps.
2007-10-01 02:05:56 · answer #1 · answered by HOPES 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if you believe that he still loves you then why give up your relationship? you can just give him the time that he needs because what he is suffering right now is very serious. his family is bankrupt and his mom is having a breast cancer you say? well that really needs his very attention.. it is his duty as the son you know. he should first prioritise his family first before you. i know it because I've been in that situation before. as you have said, the situation is getting worse every single day so all you have to do is to be there for him and give him the love and comfort that he needs. he does not need more problems from you. just keep up the communication between the two of you so that your relationship will not be shattered and understand his feelings. i hope this will help you.
2007-10-01 02:39:32 · answer #2 · answered by wishless 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By two years I think most people would be having a sexual relationship, around where I live anyway. I'm sure he's much more depressed than you are it's his family that's having the problems, whoever you get with, they will probably dedicate a lot of time to their family that's just the way it is. If you don't like it though you should break it off.
2007-10-01 01:59:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
May I ask what is the real reason bother you? Was it just because of the behaviour he has shown to you during dating? Do you foresee you could undergo the problems he is having now 'together'? Of course, you would have many choices. But it doesn't mean they are 100% problem free. No one is perfect. The most important thing is open communication and give him a chance to understand what you need. In relationship, is all about give and take. Can you?
2007-10-01 02:04:35 · answer #4 · answered by Audi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you answered your own question whether to keep the relationship going. If your relationship is that complicated now, don't be surprised when things don't work out later. You're depressed and have no sexual relationship! A lot of other men out there that can provide you with what you are looking for.
2007-10-01 02:00:38 · answer #5 · answered by Southernboy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are sad in this relationship , and have tried talking about it, but nothing has been done on his behalf, i say it may be time for you to move on.
He is to focused on his family at the moment, and that is a good thing for him, shows what a nice person he is, but he doesnt have time for a girlfriend at the moment as you can tell, he is taking care of his family.
Maybe you can just be his friend for moral support, but i think if you want him to be your boyfriend, you'd be waiting a while...
2007-10-01 01:58:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him go and move on. I'm not saying that you have to cut him out of your life completely, but you deserve somene who is going to be there and not play this "hot and cold" game. It sucks about what his family is going through, but if he was like this BEFORE all this happend, then he isn't going to change now...or later. And you shouldn't settle for him loving you "more or less". Stand on your feet and find someone who will be there for you.
2007-10-01 02:03:17 · answer #7 · answered by Ms B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been in this situation before...you can't get out because you'll feel guilty, right? Don't blame yourself for his problems and don't try to get back with him there are many other guys worthy of you. I'd say jump ship because you are not happy. Don't you feel sorry for him... he'll feel sorry enuf for himself once he realises what he missed out on... I did I've moved on after 10 years of putting this(and him) behind me his family is more important than you? Don't put up with it... it will never change.
2007-10-01 02:08:51 · answer #8 · answered by don't be a hater 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think u might be overreactting a tad his family is goin threough a really rough time and he sounds sum what of a mama's boy! u should just support him and give him love he will return! and don't worry bout sex that's not what a relationship is about!
2007-10-01 02:00:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anastasia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh please move on. He is making excuses. I am sorry to say but he is just not into you. Move on. Stop hurting yourself and making excuses. He doesnt love you. End of story.
2007-10-01 01:57:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋