What's the first joke that comes into your head?

Answer 1

This one. lmao

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Do you have to tell it all?
Where do you get the glaring right
To make my clothes look too darn tight?
I think I'm fine but I can see
You won't cooperate with me,
The way you let the shadows play
You'd think my hair was getting gray.
What's that, you say? A double chin?
No, that's the way the light comes in,
If you persist in peering so
You'll confiscate my facial glow,
And then if you're not hanging straight
You'll tell me next I'm gaining weight,
I'm really quite upset with you
For giving this distorted view;
I hate you being smug and wise
O, look what's happened to my thighs!
I warn you now, O mirrored wall,
Since we're not on speaking terms at all,
If I look like this in my new jeans
You'll find yourself in smithereens!!

Answer 2

A hobo comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door. When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, "Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven't had a good meal in several days."

The owner says, "I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I've never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch, I will give you a good meal."

So the hobo goes around back and a while later he again knocks on the door. The owner says, "Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in."

The hobo says, "Thank you very much, sir. But there's something that I think you should know. It's not a Porsche you got there. It's a BMW."

Answer 3

Eye Drops

A Doctor in Minnesota wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he told his assistant "Ya Ole, I am going hunting tomorrow and we don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of our patients"."Yes, sir..." answers Ole.The doctor goes hunting and returns the next day and asks: "So Ole, how was your day?" Ole tells him he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache, so I gave him Tylenol." "Bravo! Ya, Ole, and the second one?" says the doctor. "The second one had stomach burning, and I gave him Maalox, Sir," says Ole. "Bravo, bravo Ole! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor."Sir, I was sitting here, and suddenly the door opens, and a woman enters like a flame.She undresses herself, taking off her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spread her legs and shouts: Help! For five years I have not seen any man!!" And what did you do Ole?" asks the doctor."I put eye drops in her eyes.".

Answer 4

I don't know why I remember this one but here goes.

there is 3 kinds of sex, the 1st kind is when your just married and can have sex anywhere in the house.

the 2nd kind is when you've been married for a while, have kids and now have to be more discret.
the 3rd kind is when you been married for a really long time and pass your spouse in the hall way and say, f--- you...

Bad I know, but it still makes me laugh..

Answer 5

I went to the doctor, wasn't feeling good. I said "doc , I don't feel good" He looks at me- there's a carrot stuck up my nose, celery in my ears and cucumber slices cover my eyes. He says "first thing I can tell is that you ain't eating right"

Answer 6

A woman is sitting in a bar, depressed and drinking. A man comes in and sits beside her; he is also depressed and drinking. They get to talking... and the man asks her why such a beautiful woman is there, alone, depressed and drinking.

She responds that her husband just left her, because he thinks she is too kinky. "What a coincidence!" says the man, "MY wife left me because she said that I'M too kinky!"

So, thinking that they have much in common, they leave together and go back to her place.

Upon arrival, the woman says "I'm going to slip into something a little more... comfortable." She proceeds into the bedroom, where she puts on the nipple-less bra, the lace panties and fishnet hoes. She grabs her handcuffs and her whip and heads back into the living room only to find the man putting on his coat and hat and preparing to leave.

"Hey, where are you going?!" she asks.

"Look, lady..." the man replies, "I f*cked your dog, I sh*t in your purse... I'm outta here."




That is literally the first joke that popped into my mind. Sorry it's so long.

Answer 7

Something I can`t write down here as it would get a violation notice

Answer 8

why doesnt mexico have an olympic team??

because.. everyone that can RUN, JUMP AND SWIM is already in the USA.

lol.. I love this one.. especially since I have some illegal friends! lol

Answer 9

Bush has a brain

Answer 10

A : Did you ever see a monkey wrapped in plstic?
B : No!!!
A : Quitly see your driving license.