At a local derby between Arsenal and Spurs last season, a spectator. suddenly found himself in the thick of dozens of flying bottles.
'There's nothing to worry about, lad,' said the elderly chap standing next to him. 'It's like the bombs during the war. You won't get hit unless the bottle's got your name on it.'
'That's just what I'm worried about,' said the fan. 'My name's Johnny Walker
A man went off to a football match one Saturday afternoon, and while he was away his wife was 'visited by a 'friend' who just happened to be jogging past her house and was dressed in shorts and singlet.
The wife was happily entertaining him on the sofa when suddenly they heard her husband coming through the front door.
Quick as a flash, the visitor hid behind the large television set in the corner.
The husband came in and said,'It's started to pour with rain so I thought I'd come home and watch the second half on telly.'
He switched on the television and settled down to watch the game. After about twenty minutes the wife's visitor started to get severe cramp so, casting caution to the winds, he calmly got up from behind the set and walked out of the room.
The husband turned to his wife and said, 'That's funny - I didn't see the ref send him off.'
A supporter arrived at the ground one Saturday to find the place completely empty. He went to the office and asked an official,
'What time does the match start?'
'There's no match today,' replied the official.
'But there must be!' argued the fan. 'It's Saturday.'
'I'm telling you there's no match today,' repeated the official.
'But there's always a match on Saturday afternoon,' said the fan, 'even if it's only a reserves game.'
'Watch my lips,' shouted the irate official. 'There is no M-A-T-F-C-H today!'
'Well, for your information,' the would-be spectator shouted back, 'there's no F in match.',
'That's what I've been trying to tell you!' yelled the official.
2007-09-30 23:34:31 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Hahahhahahahaaaaa, brilliant, that was right up my street mate lol.
2007-10-01 02:19:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Great joke! 9/10
2016-04-06 22:12:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Brilliant
2007-09-30 23:37:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
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2014-06-17 21:59:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good ones
2007-10-01 00:40:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I liked the last one the most and though the friendly jogger was good too...
:-)
Take a star!
2007-10-01 00:24:09 · answer #6 · answered by 13 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Top Class lol
2007-10-02 00:32:33 · answer #7 · answered by aslan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good
come on Forest
2007-10-02 00:22:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
For those that don't understand the third one, trying saying the lines out loud. "Theres no F in Match!"
Thanks for the jokes, they are always good when posted by you...
2007-10-01 02:34:56 · answer #9 · answered by Savannah 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well worth a star...ha ha ha v good...keep`em coming
2007-09-30 23:39:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋