I miss my fathers brother & cry about him, eventhough I never met/knew him, he died when my father was young?

Question

My father grew up an only child, his older brother died when he was only 4 years old, his brother was 6 when he died. He died from Bulbar Polio(Poliomyelitis), it was a year or 2 before the Polio vaccine was invented. Me & my father are very close, I love him so much, he didn't know his brother that much because he was only 4 years old when he passed away, he never got the chance to grow up with him. I cry at night & sometimes when I'm spending time with my father, because it's sad thinking about my father & his parents(my grandparents) mourning him, especially my dad being 4 years old at the time. I've never visited his grave before because my father & his family grew up in another state, but I'm planning on visiting his gravesite sometime soon, I want to because I want to show my father I love him & his side of the family so much, I know my Uncle would have made a great brother for my father, it makes me cry because my uncle was only 6 years old, innocent, defenseless, it's just sad.

I cry almost everyday now, I didn't cry before because I never thought about my father's brother before because I never met or knew him, but lately I just started to think about him, I don't know why, he just popped into my mind. I feel that happend because I love my father so much, he is the best father in the world, nobody can replace him, I'm thankfull for all he's done for me, I don't know how I can pay him back, but I just get so sad because my dad was only 4 years old, & his brother was 6 when he died, thats so young!!!. It's just unfair, he didn't deserve to die. From looking at pictures of when my father was little it just makes me cry because he looks so innocent & peaceful, & it just breaks my heart picturing a little boy going though the pain of losing a sibling at such a young age. I love my father so much, I don't know what I would do without him, I wish his brother didn't have to die so young, so that way I can have an uncle on my fathers side, it's just too sad.

I love my father's brother, because he was the brother my father, who I love so much. He is of my own blood, he was a family member & always will be. So far not a day goes by that I don't think about him, my dad says he thinks about him sometimes but not all the time because he never got the chance to develop a close relationship with him because he was only 4 when he died, so he grew up an only child, my dad grew up on a farm, his mom & dad(my grandparents) owned the farm. I feel so sorry for my dad growing up because he told me he wasn't that social, but it was not his fault since he grew up on the farm, which was far from the city. I'm starting to love & care for my family more now than before. The reason why I did not think of my fathers brother before was because my dad never brought him up, well rarely. So I brought him up one day with my dad, asking me what he remembers from him, he said not much since he was little, but he says he still loves him, & so do I, I can't get over it

Answer 1

I can tell you are compassionate and caring, but you also sound clinically depressed. I have dealt with depression for years myself. Sometimes I grieve about things going on in the world. It's not wrong to have feelings but you don't have to live your life feeling so sad. Please talk to your doctor, talk to your father. you can even print out your question and all of these answers to help you explain what is going on inside your head. I find it's easier to write about them that to say them out loud. I wish you the best.

Answer 2

Your compassion is heartfelt, but you have to let go. I am sure if your uncle had lived and had been in your life and then passed away, he wouldn't want the family to continue grieving like so. My Mom's older brother died of yellow fever when he was 8 and she was 4 and this was back in 1926, my Mom only had faint memories of her brother, was raised as an only child and the faint memories now seem more relevant because she has Alzheimer's Disease and the past is the present and there is nothing in between, so at this time, my Mom's current memories are of playing with her brother in the mud back in the early 20s go figure, but I said all this to say, that for a while she let him go, she let him be and now when she needs him, he is back in her memory. Sometime, no, a lot of times, we have to let go and for you to continue to grieve isn't healthy, if you need help you should seek help and maybe take your Dad with you. Your uncle is okay, doing better than all of us. Let go. God Bless.

Answer 3

You have clinical depression. Ask your dad to take you to a psychiatrist. It is not normal to keep being sad and crying about someone who died 40 years ago. This is just an excuse to cry. If it wasn't this, something else would be making you cry, because your brain's chemicals aren't balanced. See the dr.

This is a great resource. It will help you find a dr., pay for the dr. if need be, read all kinds of information or talk to other people in your shoes.

Answer 4

It is not a bad thing that you miss someone you've never met, it means you have empathy and can feel someone else's pain (a rare thing in these times).
I think your sadness comes from having a soft heart and a good spirit. Your father is lucky to have such a loving child.

Answer 5

the most loving thing you can do for your dad is not get him in a flux with him knowing that your stressing out about this. though you dad is sad i'm sure that he excepted this loss. i think when you keep bringing it up and getting upset about this is only going to raise the dead. forcing your dad to remember and relive the loss.

i hope that doesnt sound insensitive. i really am an out sider looking in. sometimes people like me who have a detached veiw of whats going on are usually the best people to advice you.

your uncle is happy. he's in heaven painfree. but, i'm sure if he's looking down on all of you he's hoping that all of you would just pick up and move on.

a grieving process is expected with out a doubt. but, your dad has gone through that process. try not to make it so this issue comes alive again.

i think it's sweet that you love your dad sooo much. i think the best way to show your dad is to LIVE! in peace. to just be happy in knowing that you both you and your dad are alive. you can spend a lot of time together just being happy. one can not possibly live life to the fullest in you are living in the past.

i too have lost loved one's. my god father pasted away when i was pretty young. i lost my dad when i was 2 so, my god father meant a lot to me as a father figure. do you know that i never grieved his death until 7 years later when i turned 17. yeah it was sooo shocking to me of my god fathers death i just could never force my self to see he was dead. in the years before i excepted is death i just picked up and lived my life as happy as i could. i did this until i was strong enought to see the truth. the mind is a fascinating thing.

so you see i know how loss can effect a person.

you need to be strong and get over this. what was, was. you cant change that. but, you can change how you live for the now with your dad.

well good luck i hope that you really try to take this advice. i think really you should keep your feelings under the table for the sake of your dad till you can get over this.

good luck and bye

Answer 6

im sorry about your uncle, but he is with god and at peace,try not to think of the bad im sure there were good times your dad had with him, but be greatful that he got to be with him for a little while , if i were you i would name your first son after him, this will put a smile on your dads face and he will be thankful, i wish you and your dad the best of luck, and im glad you have a great dad , because he has a very sweet daughter, god bless.

Answer 7

I sympathize with you. Its never easy getting over the loss of a loved one but you just have to be strong for yourself, for your dad and for your relatives. My mom too is an only child because her only brother passed away when he was 18 y.o. Although I never had the chance to meet him - I am sure they all loved him until now. Life has to go on despite tragedies like this. We just have to let them go and make the most of the memories they left behind.

If you believe in God then pray for strength, comfort and healing. God has a purpose for everything to happen including departed brothers/sisters. Hold on to your faith and never question God. He knows what's best for all of us.

What's comforting about this is that your uncle is already in heaven and is watching all of you. Our memories of our deceased loved ones should not hunt us but instead remind us that life on earth is just temporary and we just have to make the most of our lives right now. I am sure your uncle would want to see you (and your dad) happy. It would break your uncle's heart if he sees you tormented over his death.

Move on and don't dwell on the past. If you really love your dad, then let your dad heal and be able to move on with his life without his brother.