This is my third year in college and I still have much trouble living with other people. What should I do?

Question

My biggest problem is that I just cannot stand noise. This year I want to heavily focus on studying and getting good grades, and I've had a bad start. My first two years were horrible. I could not stand having a roommate my first year but somehow I lived through 9 months with him, but I suffered at times. I lose focus very easily and just cannot focus on studies unless I'm in a place VERY quiet place. The thing that bothers me the most is TV noise. I don't watch tv. My current roommates are nice and keep the living room tv at a decently quiet volume. But quiet volume to me is still LOUD if I can hear it vibrating through to my room's walls. All I can focus on is that noise and it give me a headache the entire day, again even if its not "loud". I've tried and tried to ignore it but it never works. I've come to the conclusion that I cannot overcome this. I'm thinking about moving to a studio next quarter(expensive), but I want to see if anybody else is like me in this way.

Answer 1

I had the same problem as you my freshman year...got a single and then this year live in my own apartment and quality of life has improved DRAMATICALLY. I have a mild form of autism which meant I also hated noise (when I was younger I'd bang my head against the walls in frustration when I could hear neighbors moving around or maybe someone running a weedwhacker outside). I would give up trying to develop a taste for living with others...some people like it, some people don't. There's nothing wrong with not functioning well in shared living space, just the way there's nothing wrong with some people preferring to study with music and others preferring silence. If it's impacting your life that greatly, I would definitely get your own place. (As I said, it has made ALL the difference for me, and my school life is reflecting that). You can have social skills and still not do well living with others. Your home is supposed to be your refuge, and if you can't feel calm and secure there, then it's time to change the situation.

Answer 2

I empathize with you very much. I, too, am very sensitive to noise and cannot concentrate or study where there are any distractions. I work now in a noisy and often stressful office situation, and I've had to force myself to just block out certain distractions, like the constantly ringing phone. At the end of the day I come home and "pull up the drawbridge," and I welcome the escape from all the noise and activity.

All of the recommendations above are good ones. I recommend going ahead and getting a place of your own where you can control the level of noise and distraction. If you don't watch TV, you don't have to have one in your living space. I doubt you'll overcome this aversion to noise, as I never have. And why should you? It's a part of your personality, and other people should respect it. You'll be happier in the long run if you have a nice quiet oasis of your very own. I truly understand how you feel.

Answer 3

I know just what you're talking about. One of my daughters is the same way with sounds - they are more than a distraction. Sounds to her are very taxing on her mental and emotional well being, Stressful and exhausting as well as interrupting.

As a suggestion, consider renting a room or basement apartment from a family or elderly folks in your college town.
Check with local churches for referrals - these older folks are more likely to lead quiet lives and keep consistent hours.
Just because no one is advertising a room for rent, doesn't mean there isn't one out there. You advertise as needing a room, and be prepared to provide references. Often the room will come with one or 2 meals a day + laundry privilages.

Consider using what Therapists sometimes have in their waiting rooms. A "white noise" machine. -- sounds something between a fan and a radio between stations. Anyway, you may still be able to detect voices, but you can't hear the words from the next room. (I'd check at Radio Shack)

Answer 4

It can help, but if you can't stand noise you can't stand it wherever you go. Because i had party goers next door before and now i have a noise sensitive neighbor, i mean like a simple click noise like closing a door would bother her. The simplest noises that people usually would hear in an apartment bothers her. And i've never once had a party either. I feel accused of being loud when he is just super sensitive. Maybe there's something about noise that reminds you of something, or you can go to therapy to reduce sensitivity, or you got to move to very quiet apartment and make sure your next door people don't socialize too much.

Answer 5

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Answer 6

I'd say move out, even though it's expensive. If this is your third year of college and you still can't cope with the noise, I'd say you aren't going to overcome it before you graduate.

Love Jack

Answer 7

I hate noise too...I spent most of college and grad school living in the little private study-rooms that they had at my university.

Looks like that's where you are headed too if you want good grades.

Answer 8

I so understand you. I'm in college and thankfully my housemates know that I need quiet (or else...) but I'm just ready to live on my own again like when i started college. I so recommend it if you can financially manage it.

Answer 9

Definitely move out and soon.