I live with my boyfriend - it has been 1 year and 8 months since we started dating but living together for the last 3 months only. Before that I was studying at uni and living on campus because of the hostel proximity with uni. I just started a job (high pay for a fresh grad), very happy with it. Thanks to the busy schedule for both of us, we have time to recuperate on weekends only - in other words, catching up with sleep. Weekends are not free from work, there may be things to do as well. Last weekend I was so tired that I fell asleep after reading part of a book that I have to (undergoing training on the job, and reading is part of it). He asked me whether I could help buy lunch, so I said half-awake that I wasn't hungry and then dozed off again. When I woke up, he had come back with packed lunch. So I suggested eating together, but he just said 'leave me alone, everyone treats me like a slave'.I cried silently outside while he took time to cool down alone in the room.
2007-09-30 19:42:12 · 7 answers · asked by bronzedgal 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
When he saw me in tears he said that he snapped because the bosses were asking him to work on too many projects at once without considering how he felt about the workload. I told him after the first 6 months of training at my job, we were going to get busier and I would have less time to spend with him - let alone help with house chores. He added that he snapped because I wasn't very willing to go buy lunch,and that I didn't 'see' he was quite stressed out over work. He later apologized over his outburst and asked me to forgive him which I have - but I have not forgotten, I never do. Other issues include - he doesn't like me taking birth control pills because he believes ' we should reduce reliance on medication while we are young and able to'. I am not on the pill but now I see less of a need because sex isn't appealing anymore. Next - he encourages me to buy a house with him, which I do not want to because I do not plan to emigrate within the next 10 years.
2007-09-30 19:47:56 · update #1
He says he is always willing to listen to me, and talk things out. For me the question is - if he can't separate work issues from home issues/letting it affect him outside work, then will he actually change in future? He says that it is just something we have to 'get used to living under one roof' - outbursts are not uncommon for those living together, he says.
This is my first serious relationship, never moved in with anyone before and nothing has lasted more than 6 months for me. Somehow I miss the single days when casual relationships were the norm. But above all this I know if this one doesn't work out - it will be the end of serious relationships,the headache and trouble isn't worth it. I am not a big fan of kids, so I do not see marriage on the cards with this guy or any guy.
2007-09-30 19:51:39 · update #2
Sorry,I meant that I plan to emigrate within 10 years (typo error earlier). The house we live in is rented, with the b.f. as chief tenant plus another housemate. In terms of pay, b.f. earns about 400 less (he is 8 years older and it is not his first job). He isn't happy about meeting my parents,saying he is shy and they may just ask him why he isn't practising law after graduating a lawyer - but choosing to work with an NGO instead. I have no problems with his job, that is his choice not mine - but I do not think he should predict my parents' reaction just like that.
2007-09-30 19:56:21 · update #3
luckydude-raj - no we are not engaged,even if he proposed I would say no because it is just too early to jump into anything. I just started my first big (full-time) job, although he is older and knows himself much better in terms of what he wants - I am not ready for commitment on that level. Besides,with Malaysian law - prenuptials are not recognized, hence I cannot try to be sensible by asking for one. (We are both malaysian).
2007-09-30 20:00:44 · update #4
Bronze, you don't have to get involve in a relation if that isn't in your nature. You don't have to be addicted to sex, neither to desire to get kids. You are you best judge about what is necessary for you. I am myself very happy, almost 50 and single. That is frequent in Canada and that is a respected choice.
All the problems that you expressed are just normal. If there is love, living together isn't only a piece of cake. You will have a lot of adaptation to deal with.
It seems that both of you might be work alcoholic. Eventually, you will have to give up some revenue and spend more time together.
For the least, don't get too much engaged for the moment (house and kids). You will not be more in love because you own a house or have kids.
Of course, if the guy isn't the good one, it will not work. Went you decide to live with your b.f., you quickly learn more about him ... the bad sides are more obvious. You have to adapt or give up if he isn't the one..
2007-09-30 20:28:18 · answer #1 · answered by speakoutpierre 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just do it. If you are residing in combination, uncover one other position or kick him out. If no longer inform him firmly and maintain it to 1 or 2 or 3 sentences. Then don't take any calls from him. Stand organization and ultimately he will be given that you just imply what you are announcing. You're already feeling the disappointment of it being over. Finalize it so you'll be able to manage your emotions and transfer on. Think approximately all that you have found out approximately love, existence and relationships. You have mentioned no longer one phrase to make me suppose that both of you wishes to take a look at and make it paintings. So I don't see that as a likelihood. Figure out what and whilst you're going to mention. Just say what you must to be transparent.. Be honest. Keep it quick. Make certain you've gotten been "heard," then begin connecting together with your different peers. Do what you revel in. Take up a game like swimming or golfing or tennis or badminton. Or research a brand new language. Or pass to the museum. Take up drawing or jewellery making or ??? After you've gotten damaged off your courting with him, as time passes, begin to suppose approximately why you suppose you stopped meshing. Because you don't wish to get concerned with any individual new after which five years down the street uncover yourselves no longer meshing. Maybe there is whatever approximately your bf that you just knew approximately him five years in the past that could be sort of a pink flag for you while you meet new guys that curiosity you presently.
2016-09-05 13:23:33 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say but it seems like your the main problem here. Your tallying up his mistakes like their currency. If you start doing stuff like that its going to be nasty b/c its like your just putting it aside for a major argument so that when it does blow up you've got a pile of the stuff he's done to throw in his face.
People get stressed, and people say things they don't mean. If you take everything for face value we'd have a lot of people who didn't commit any crimes and some guy named "Wazn't Me" with a long list of charges (sry tried a joke there ;) )
You're a very mature people as your admitting you don't want/need/care for a serious relationship. However you're like a straight guy who just accidentally walked into a gay bar. He's expecting it, and you have no intention of giving it to him. If you move in with a guy and start splitting income, its serious. True you had no experience with this before, but it doesn't really take any to know that a serious move in style relationship its going to have a load of headaches.
Not to judge you or anything, but maybe you posted this question because your angry at him at the moment? If not and your situation is exactly as described you need to have a serious talk with him. Let him know you have no intention of getting married, having kids, and living the stereotypical family setting with a house, two kids, a dog, and a yard while playing the happy house wife raising the familey and having a nice supper waitin for him when he gets back. Its quite possible he's fallen in love with the woman he thinks you are and its up to you to let him know which one is the real deal.
If you talk it out and find out there's some serious issues that can be worked out move on. But don't give up on a serious relationship. Its not like guys have labels that say this one is a fling, this one is two weeks to a month max, and this one....woah stay away from that its a year or two.
As for the parents? He's prob nervous as hell give him a break. If he's gung ho about a future with you he prob things your parents could make or break that possibility and he's def going to think he's not good enough for them, add that to the pile of stress with work and....damn you've got a bomb waiting to blow.
Bottom line be happy. Always live for the pursuit of happiness in the long run. If your always trying to live in the moment you'll fall into the past.
2007-09-30 20:16:14 · answer #3 · answered by Advice4U 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like a little incident to be taken so dramatically. every couple fights. every couple has their ups and downs. the question is do you still love him? do you want to marry him? or is the relationship an unhappy one and you don't see a future in it. But I wouldn't break up with him because of one little incident. you'll probably forget about it in less than a week.
2007-09-30 19:48:23 · answer #4 · answered by Alexa K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds a bit immature, & YOU sound like you really
have your life together! Don't let insignificant, petty little
things with a 'boyfreind' upset your apple-cart.
(boyfreinds can come and go, but.......)
2007-09-30 19:51:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no dont leave him...u have been engaged with him for quite a long time...dont spoil ur relation for such a small thing...get with him and sort it ou.....best of luck???????
2007-09-30 19:56:50 · answer #6 · answered by luckydude_raj 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do not think about his feelings, know only urself...
2007-09-30 19:47:11 · answer #7 · answered by Guly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋