Was having children really a good decision, or do you regret it?

Question

My mother didn't want children, and her mother didn't want children, (but had them to please their friends/family)
So I want to know if having children is really that bad? Was it what you expected? And would you take it back if you could?

Answer 1

My 19 month old son was very much wanted, and I have never regretted having him (apart from when I found a big long orange crayon line along my newly painted hallway wall!) There are times that I can't wait for him to go to bed at night, but I would never change having him. Having children is the most rewarding thing in the world. My heart melts every time he learns something new. His favourite at the moment is blowing kisses to everyone!

Answer 2

My husband and I were married for 7 years before our first child was born. We didn't decide to have kids until we were married for 5 years and it took 2 years to get pregnant. (with medical intervention)

It was nothing like I expected because I don't think anyone can know what to expect until it happens. My reality was so much bigger and better than I ever dreamed it could be.

I was told I could only have one child without more intervention and we didn't want to push our luck since we felt so lucky. Our baby was about to go to kindergarten when I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd son. I was a bit torn at first because we had gotten used to "only" having an only child. I had started back to working doing something I loved and suddenly I'd be a new mom again. That lasted for a week or so and then I remembered how much I loved being pregnant and having a baby.

Our 2nd son was/is the joy of our life. Our oldest is off on his own now (he's 20 and I miss him every day) and our youngest (15) keeps us young and laughing.

I wouldn't change a thing
Before I had kids, I thought I might like girls... I'm so glad I have boys. They've been so much fun and they have better toys *lol*

We're at the stage of our life where we are preparing to live without kids again. Our baby will be ready for University in a blink and luckily, I'm married to the most wonderful man in the world and I'm sure he'll help me get over empty nest syndrome. :) I think maybe the only thing I'll regret about having children is that by waiting, it'll be ages before I get to have grandchildren.

OH, and for me, having children wasn't bad at all.
Pregnancy was springy and exciting... labour and delivery wasn't too bad and raising them has been nothing but joy (except for one health crisis with our youngest where we almost lost him to sepsis). I really wouldn't change a day... except maybe to make some of them last longer. :)

Answer 3

To state the obvious children are really 'hard work'. There are many joys and many times when things are challenging. For me the joys have (so far) out weighed the difficulties and having seen the problems some people have faced I know I have been lucky with the their behaviour. It is without doubt a labour of love. So I would say if you have that love inside you then the chance to share that with children is a wonderful thing and is a powerful emotional event.

Two other points I would make. First make sure you are mature enough to understand, secondly be sure that your husband also really wants to start a family.

The attitude of your mother and grandmother seems harsh in print, I wonder if they are simply trying to get you to delay?
I am sure they both love you.

Answer 4

I never wanted children but I now have 2 and I have to say I have never regretted one single moment of being a mother, sometimes you don't realise what you would miss until you have them. Having children is a life time job and I for one love it, so I would say no it isn't so bad having children, they bring a lot of joy to me.

Children should never be born just for the sake of others, if you don't want children then stick to your guns and don't be forced into what's expected. If people can't accept that others don't want children then that is their problem. But if they do have children, despite not wanting them then for goodness sake don't tell them you never wanted them that's just screwed up.

I don't think anyone should be penalised for wanting or not wanting children.

Answer 5

My mother and father didn't want children either and they thought they were both in luck because the dr told my mom she could never have kids. Then surprise they had 3. Because of that they were not the greatest parents in the history of parents, but they did what they could. Then I decided I wanted to have kids. WOW, while it was not exactly what I thought it would be, it is the best thing I have ever done with my life. Sure, there are times it totally frustrates me when I've told them something for the 3,000th time, but you deal with it. The good times are worth every moment of the bad. While they make me insane sometimes, I would not change a thing. There is not one of my kids that I would take back, even with the pain in the butt of dealing with an ex who is just a joke of a parent. So, long story short......no, having kids is not that bad, it is not what I expected but some things are even better, and no I would not take back having kids.....not for everything else I ever wanted in my life that I will never have because I decided to be a mom instead. They are the best thing I could have ever asked for.

Answer 6

Interesting that your mother and her mother didn't want children, and you are asking this question.

I never wanted children and at 54 am glad I did not. If you don't want children or feel pretty sure you'd be a bad mother, I'd really advise against it.

It seems that most people who have children, it gives them their main, maybe only, reason to live -- and I think that is fine and biologically the standard response. But at present there is no biological imperative for humans to reproduce, since the species is overpopulated already -- so don't feel pressure to have them if you don't want them. You can live happily without them, and enjoy other people's and relative's kids.

Answer 7

I regretted for a time afterwards that I had had children and really did after having my third I'd had a difficult birth also hemorrhaging where I nearly died so yes I spent alot of time questioning why I had done it but now they are older and I love having my children and all the problems they bring are outweighed by all the fun, laughter and joy in knowing they are mine and now the reason why I felt like that shortly after having them was down to postnatal depression which is a horrible illness to have and it's that which makes you feel like that and nothing else.

Answer 8

I personally never wanted children. Then I got pregnant. Now I have three kids. Now, I wouldn't trade my kids for anything in the world. But then, if you'd told me 6 months beforehand that I would get pregnant - not knowing how I would feel about my children once I had them - I would have been more careful.

I do NOT regret it. It IS hard sometimes, just like any relationship with someone with a completely different personality than your own can be, but the love I feel for my kids is completely worth the effort.

I would be in a completely different place in my life if I had never had children. Would it be better? Not necessarily. Having kids or not having kids; not better or worse either way. Just different. I think those who dwell on what their life could be if they'd done things differently are missing out on the good things about where they are now.

Answer 9

Hi, I never never wanted to have children. Then I became pregnant, what a shock. But after two weeks I started to change and since that moment I do realize that it's the best thing ever ever happened to me. He's 4 now, and of course you do miss somethings from a 'former' life, and yes it's scary sometimes to love another human being so intens. But this feeling, I have never expected to feel for your child and now I even miss him when he's a day at kindy ;-)

Answer 10

Me and my husband def. wanted children so that wasn't a problem. We just were expecting them when we did! We surprisingly found out I was pregnant with my son and we were happy but scared. Now over a year later we are thrilled to have our 6 month old!! It's everything I thought it would be and more. I love being a Mom! Best job I've ever had!!! I cannot wait for the next baby!