Can a Mother actually hate her son?

Question

I have a 30 yr old son that has turned against me ever since he married his wife. Now they choose to keep my grand kids away from me. My grand kids love me very much and want to see me. I divorced his father because of infidelity and other issues. My daughter in law keeps fixing my X up with women and shuts me out of their lives. She insists on constantly doing everything with her family and her friends. He doesn't do anything with any of his family. She has even broke my 2 sons apart. Recently my Mother passed away from a lenghty battle of cancer. My grand kids did not even really know her. My son and daughter in law never took the kids to see my Mom. After my Mom passed then they put on a big show. Now I am going through the same thing with my Dad. At this point in my life I am ready to just move away so as that my grand kids don't beg to see me and get in trouble. I can honestly say that I hate my son and his wife. I wish I never had him. He has been a huge dissapointment to me.

Answer 1

First, my condolences to you on the death of your mother and your father's illness.

"Can a Mother actually hate her son?" Yes.

However, I think in your case it's more a case of being gut wrenchingly disappointed in him. I think it's your hurt that is spewing when you say "I wish I never had him." After all, without him, you wouldn't have those grandchildren you seem to care about.

I'm sorry you're experiencing such pain and stress.

Try to ignore that son and his wife and their hurtful behavior. After all, it's their loss. They're denying their children the time they could have with a loving grandmother and great-grandfather. Concentrate instead on the time you have left with your father and on your other son.

To mitigate the lack of interface with you and your grandchildren, why don't you start a Journal? You can "talk" to them through your Journal entries to them. They can read it when they're older and that way they'll know you were thinking of them. Think ahead, though, of what you write. Don't let your hurt and disappointment of their parents overtake the loving messages you'd like to give them.

For example, tell them about your mother. What was she like? What do you remember of her when you were little? What funny stories about her do you have? Now, while you still have your father to help you, collect memories and record them. It will not only be a wonderful gift for them someday but will give you an outlet for the love you feel for them.

Blessed Be

Answer 2

I don't think any decent mother could hate her son, they may not like some of their choices but never hate. I know I could never hate my 2 boys. It sounds like the woman is sick in the head. Beating him on a daily basis as a child and now that he's too big and she's probably afraid he'll knock her on her *ss, she verbally abuses him! He needs to cut his loses and break contact so he can get his head together and feel good about himself. And it wouldn't hurt to find a good councilor and let him get some of that out. Maybe once he has himself together he could go back and explain to his mother(and I use that term loosely) why he needed to break contact with her and see if he can get her into some sort of therapy. I would let him know not to push it though, if she won't go or admit she was wrong, don't beg for it, walk right back out of her life and don't look back. Maybe the shock of loosing a child will hit her, if not then she isn't any kind or real mom and she would only continue to hurt him. I know it would be hard to write you mother off, but what has she ever done for him? I hope this guy gains his confidence back and doesn't end up in dysfunctional relationships because of the psycho mother. I wish him good luck.

Answer 3

That is crappy...you must feel so hurt. I don't think that you can hate someone that you didn't really love. I can't imagine how hurt you are but by the way you are writing I think I can feel it. And that is such a tough situation because you can't do ultimatums, he doesn't listen to you anymore after all those years raising him, then letting you love those little kids and being able to take that away....yeah hate seems reasonable. Just be careful what you say, act without reproach so that they can't come back at you for doing something that wished you hadn't and pray that they come around. Sometimes your pride might have to be given up just for the chance of seeing those babies.

I am so sorry. Maybe you can ask to watch the kids so that they can go out, offer to pay for it too as a special gift to them for being great parents...or whatever it is that you can honestly say they are good at, its hard not to live up to honest praise......a little honest praise can go a long way.

Answer 4

I know some of what you feel. I actually moved to be near my sis and her kids at their request. My sis then proceeded to steal what they could from me and move away. Her kids have nothing to do with me. All I ever did was love them and be there for them and now I am shunned because I said enough is enough, no more dishonesty. It is natural to feel the way you feel, but I suspect you don't hate them. You deeply hurt more than anything else. I know I am. I haven't seen them in 4 years and it stings when I see someone that looks like them or hear something about one of them not doing well. Each day it gets better. I took the love that I had for them and used it to help others. I volunteered and found amazing people that needed love. And I forgave my family. That's all you can really do. Arguing with them only creates more drama. Telling them how you feel won't change them. Just forgive them, think good thoughts about them and pray for them. It will still hurt, but less and less.
I also found that by volunteering around children and giving all the love that I would have given to them, to the children, I was blessed beyond belief. I know have pseudo nieces and nephews that send me cards, call me, email me and treat me like family. They need me and I need them. It is wonderful. Just don't turn bitter. It pushes people away. And God wants us to love everyone. and Be happy.

Answer 5

I firmly believe a mother can hate her son. That is how I felt with my mother for almost 10 years, up till her death.

In your situation, it sounds like you tried for a while, but got tired of it. I would as well. If the son is going to be so persuaded by his wife that his mother is bad or not worth their time, then he is not worth your time. When it comes to the grandchildren, maybe you can stop by when they have a babysitter over, or just stay for a few minutes just to see the kids. I don't have much experience in that area, but those two seem the most logical and easiest to me.

Answer 6

well first of all im so sorry you have to get through all of that situation as a mother and grandmother it must be hard but , i dont really think you hate your son you are just really hurt and that makes you feel like that ...
your daughter in law is an imature woman who wants to get control of everything maybe just to show in her stupid head that you are no longer in charge or that u have no rights at all abt your sons life.
Just try to be patient , sooner or later he has to think abt it and there is no such thing as mothers love so he will miss it
and whenerver you have the chance to be with your grandchildren let them know how much u love them and care abt them .
My mom do that to me when i was little she tooke me away from my grandma and that hurt me a lot but whenever she had the chance to be with me she always let me know how much she cares abt me and how much she loved me and i kept that on my memories until today ...
And one more thing, i know she is not the sweetest thing but be nice to her cause that is what my grandma did and then everything turned in a good way remember that ok ? she will not have any excuses or reason to talk bad things abt you to your son ...
wish u luck and Good bless U!

Answer 7

Well in that case, you should be hurt, not hate though. His wife is a biatch. We have to face it. Confront your son and his wife. Tell your son that you've known him longer than his wife, you gave birth to him and raised him through his toughest times and that you are going to move away because you can't stand knowing that he would turn on you for no absolute reason. Tell his wife that she had no reason to do what she did, and that you hope her kids turn on her. Tell the grandkids your sorry and that you're moving away and you love them very much. I am very sorry about what happend.

Answer 8

First of all, your son is a grown man and is 100% responsible for who he decides to turn on or stay away from. Blaming her is just a nice way to avoid his personal and painful decision to not want you in his life or his kids life. I think they are definately in the right for keeping them from you since you stated that you hate your son and his wife. I am sure he isn't exactly impressed with your motherly skills or he wouldn't be treating you this way. This has more to do with you than you are willing to accept. Try to take a good look and accept accountability for this situation. All relationships are 50/50, and it doesn't sound like you are willing to work on yourself to make your wrongs right either. Do them a favor and stay away from them.

Answer 9

You hate him as you love him too. It's really sad, but it's more sad if one day your son realised how much you had done for him, but he is unable to be filial to you as you are no more around.

Human relationship is not as simple as 1 plus 1 equal to 2. Give him a chance, preventing him from living in regret & remorseful for the rest of his life.

Answer 10

I have also had grown kid troubles and was an elem teacher and I think for everyone, it is best to think/know we hate the behavior but not the person. ???? I don't blame you for wanting to get away, just use caution in how you exit incase the grands need you some day. but please remember, we often hate the behavior and not the person