People say I'm gorgeous...why don't men want a relationship with me?

Question

I am a 22 year old woman who is college educated, has a great job for someone my age and am on a reglar bases told I am gorgeous and should be a model. I am sometimes even stopped in the street and told how beautiful I am.
However, I cannot for the life of me understand why I cannot keep a man interested in me for anything more than sex. I don't beleive there is anything off putting about my personality. Guys seem to have a good time with me on dates but never try to pursue anything further. I just don't understand this at all.

Answer 1

Hi Jenny

I hope you don't get some quip answers to your very real question here and people don't invalidate what you are saying. What you are experiencing is the curse of the beautiful woman. I have actually studied quite a bit on the subject because I have had the same exact problem! What is really frustrating is that we are often times mocked for it.

Maybe what I learned can be helpful to you. There are 4 levels of attraction, physcial, mental, emotional. A man is first aware of his physical attraction to a women, whereas a woman is first mentally attracted to a man.

What happens is that men are brainwashed and hypnotized in a sense by the media. The women who typically graze the front of fashion magazines are women who possess a certain body time and beauty that constitues only about 1% of the female poplulation. However, since this is the only type we see as the standard for beauty it convinces men that this is what he finds attractive. Think of it, all those women on magazines often have this 'come hither' look on their face, and a man subconsciously reacts to that and gets excited because he internalises her gaze to mean she wants HIM! Over time he comes to associate beautiful woman as being an easy sexual conquest because of all the subliminal messages he has recieved in his lifetime which suggest that gourgeous women are sexy, willing, and available.

The problem is that culturally and throughout histroy there has only been a relatively short period of time that this current standard for feminine beauty has been in place. Back in the days when our ansestors were hunter gatherers, the slim standard of beauty today was the LEAST desierable of all. Women who were full bodied and had a lot curves (chubby by today's standards) were considerd to be blessed by the Gods, they were viewed as being abundant and having recieved special blessings from the Gods, hence their full figures. Women who were more muscular were considerd second in desierablity because they were seen as strong and able to do the necessary physical work of carrying a child and gathering food.

What has happend is that men have lost touch with thier feeling of physical chemistry for a body type other than super model. But that attraction is still in them, they are just numbed to it. So, a very attractive looking women, who could be a model today will continually get more attention from men, but once he gets to know her or has sex with her the desire disipates.

Men need to bond with women on several levels to create intimacy and chemistry. If a man is so overcome by a physical attraction for a women he may never give himself a chance to get to know her better so that he can move to the next level of attraction, emotional chemistry. This is where he finds himself caring for this individuals happiness and well being. Next, he explores a mental chemistry with her and discovers if he feels an attraction to her based on how she views the world and thinks about things. If all of this levels of chemistry click he then moves into feel a soul chemistry with her. The problem is that your being so physically attractive short circuits those men who would not find you attractive were it not for the heavy duty messages of sexuality in the media today.

But all is not lost. As a beautiful woman you have to deal with most men being attracted to you initially and you will be approached a lot more, not necessarily by the type of men who may be best for you.

You can do a few things to change this. One, dress down, and play down your looks. Don't dress to enhance your curves, don't primp too much to look spectacular. This gives a man the opportunity to get past your looks and begin to get to know you and if he is the right man for you and there is real chemistry he will bond with you on ALL the levels of chemistry and attraction that are needed to sustain his interest and develop a foundation for a lasting relationship.

Not speaking from a moral point of view, but just in your best interest you may want to put off sexual intimacy with a partner for a longer time. Make certain that you have created a deep bond with them before the physical act of expressing intimacy. Ask yourself, does he show a genuine interest in who I am as a person? Does he seem to care about my well being? And most of all wait until there is a committment from the man before you get physical. This will stop the process of short circuting a man's interest in you the moment he has explored physcial chemistry.

You're a great person, you said so and it is a good thing to know aobut yourself. You will find him, there just may be some more red tape for you.

I wish you the best.

Answer 2

For a long time I was with a woman, so my perspective about relationships in general is: the better the communication, the better the relationship. I'm in a relationship now with a man, and have been for a year, and assume I'll be with him the rest of my life (once I commit, I stay a long time). I have to admit the feminists I know have had their ups and downs, but overall, they have excellent relationships with their partners, not because their partners have the same views, but because both partners treat each other with respect, love, and dignity.

Answer 3

Most men these days are real jerks....all they care about is the body and trying to get into your pants. It seems as though that the men you date are only interested in having sex with you and that only. Whenever you date a guy, try your best to make him see PAST your looks....personality is the key. I'm not the most attractive girl in the world but I have a boyfriend who loves me for me and treats me like a queen.....he even wishes to marry me....I kmnow for a fact that he is serious about it too.

Answer 4

i can sooo relate to ur question, except that im 15 lol bt nyways u have met the 90% of jerks and u will unfortunately of the guys from the 10% to show up! best of luck dont b sad!

Answer 5

You just haven't gotten the right one yet. There may be one that is interested in you for good reason but is shy because he might think your to gorgeous for him. Or your out of his league.

I said just roll with it and the right one will come along. If you want him to come faster then I would suggest that you ask God to show you one.lol.. No seriously though.

Answer 6

well maybe you are just meeting the wrong guys! hopefully you arent meeting them out at bars or clubs. my husband who is 23 would say that women he met at clubs or bars where not the type he would take home. i am not saying he is right, because at one point, i was going out as well! but guys have this twisted idea unfortunately. or maybe you are portraying yourself in a way that makes guy only want you for sexual reasons. i am very sexual, and like dressing sexy as well, but i know that if i go out with tight jeans, high heels, and a low plunging shirt with my boobies falling out of my shirt, i know i will be attracting the wrong kinda guy. good luck! start choosing better guys!

Answer 7

i somewhat (by somewhat i mean i'm still in college XD) have the same problem, it's like men only approach you cause you're beautiful, but nothing more, they don't seem to care about the personality or anything else. i just act like whatever w/ them, mysterious, see if they're really worth my time.. it's kind of hard and awfully lonely at times..

Answer 8

Well, you shouldn't be giving sex out like Halloween candy.
You are still young. You will meet someone, maybe who is a little older.
My advice to you is do not be a tramp. You will ruin your reputation and your chances for Mr. Real when he comes along.

Answer 9

im in the exact same situation maybe its because most guys think because since you are good lookin you are taken or maybe you should not have sex with them and show that you have something more to you then great sex

Answer 10

yea its kinda hard you jus have to keep on be yourself and try to let the man see more than jus your beauty try to find a connection