My sister in law is a very nice, sweet person. She is also a born again Christian. I am not Christian (neither is my husband) and we are not raising our children in any religion. She keeps giving my kids Christian gifts (movies, stuffed animal that pray, books....) and it's getting a little bit old. My children are very young (2 and 4) and don't understand what religion is yet and I really don't want to start that dialogue until they are old enough to understand and think about it for themselves, not just blindly repeat what some stuffed praying bunny or talking tomato tells them about God.
Is there a polite way to ask her to stop this or should I just keep my mouth shut? I don't want to offend anyone, but they are my kids and I want to raise them my way.
I know this is a touchy topic- please no preaching about how I'm wrong. I just want to know if anyone has any ideas of how to say "No religious gifts please" without hurting her feelings or pissing her off. Thanks.
2007-09-30 11:46:00 · 37 answers · asked by Elaine 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Actually, I have very well formed ideas about religion and very firm beliefs.
It's pretty insulting how people assume, since I'm not Christian and don't belong to any certain church, that I have no religious beliefs.
2007-09-30 11:58:15 · update #1
Wow... no I'm an aethist who has absolutely no morals or parenting skills.
All Christians really are loving, understanding people.
Let me set it straight so you don't have to get your panties all bunched up....
I believe in God, I'm not Christian. ANd if you want to imply that I am teaching my kids all kinds of screwed up values and morals, you couldn't be more wrong. So please don't even bother.
2007-09-30 12:05:05 · update #2
I can understand how that would be annoying. I'd just sit down with her sand say something like "Look, we appreciate you buying gifts for our kids, but we don't think they're old enough to make the educated choices about religion we'd like them to make. We know that you do this out of love, but it sort of feels like you're trying to circumvent our parenting choices. When the kids are older and can understand, you can talk to them about your religion, as we will be trying to teach them about many different ones. Until then, please stop."
(I know it's weird as I'm an Agnostic, but Veggie Tails is actually one of the funniest kids shows out there. One of the few ones that makes me laugh. You might consider keeping those, just turn them off before they get to the Christian message at the end.)
2007-09-30 11:52:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 2⤋
Religious Gifts For Children
2016-11-04 21:07:59 · answer #2 · answered by bridgette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does she ever ask if the children need anything before she buys the gifts? If she does, start giving her ideas that are not religious such as clothing or a special toy. If she does not ask maybe you could put an idea list in the invitation for the party.Such as John really is into transformers and wrestling this year if you need a gift idea. Another idea..............and as a mother of 4, whose first child is going to college might be to ask for a savings bond so that your children may use the money for college. If you do not want to single her out, ask the entire family if they might consider it. Just explain your children have enough material items and could use the savings for college. This may appeal to her religious side as she will like them not wanting or getting too much material items. If you cash the bonds in early you lose nothing. They will always be worth what they paid for them. Good Luck..........God is good.
2007-09-30 12:12:14 · answer #3 · answered by barkey44 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that how you wrote the details to this question would be perfect for explaining things to her. Actually, why don't you just copy it and read or send it to her?
It is obvious that she loves your children very much and has a giving heart, but she might not understand that since you do not share her views, it puts you in a difficult situation for your children to have these materials.
I am a Christian, and if my family was not (which they are), I would not purchase gifts for my nieces and nephew that are religious in nature, simply because they would not be put to maximum use... i.e. parents playing with the toys with their children.
There is an informal war in my family where gift giving is concerned.... We each seek to buy the most annoying toy for the others' children. The kids are happy, the adults are perpetually annoyed, and all is well.
2007-09-30 11:54:15 · answer #4 · answered by The Apple Chick 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is just one of those things that the church had co-opted to stop the pagans from having their annual Winter Solstice festival and the same thing with Easter and Halloween. They really didn't know when Jesus was born and decided that December 25 would be as good as time and any to celebrate his birth. The Catholic Church "saved" the pagan holidays by injecting Jesus into them. It is a good day to get together with family and friends and give gifts but it is also very stressful. For many years the Holiday was not celebrated in The United States and Congress has even been in session on Christmas Day.
2016-04-06 08:55:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, your sister in law obviously doesn't respect your feelings if she knows you are not religious yet persists in giving those types of gifts. Sit down and have a talk with her and tell her it is nothing personal but you do not wish to have them exposed to any type of religion yet and when it is time to do so, you and your husband will be the ones. It may make help or it may not.
My brother and his wife are very conservative christians and I get a list every few months of unacceptable (in their eyes) gifts for their children. Personally I think most on there is silly but I have enough respect to go with their wishes. Perhaps you need to point out to her that you'd prefer gifts without the themed message and the best way to do that is to just be direct, but kind, because beating around the bush only leads to hurt feelings on both sides.
2007-09-30 11:53:16 · answer #6 · answered by genaddt 7 · 6⤊ 1⤋
Im in a similar situation. My in-laws are Christian and have given us ( kids and adults) religion-themed gifts before. It is a little awkward, because while they are very pretty things, I am sure we dont appreciate them the way the in-laws would think. Im sure this could be the case with ANY type of gift though. We treat them as any other gift though ( thank them for it, display it maybe for a while, then maybe pass it on to someone who could enjoy it more). As for lengthy explanations to your kids, I would skip it. I suggest just telling them "there are LOTs of religions in the world. Your aunt loves this one and likes to share it". If she starts trying to sway them towards her chosen religion, that is where you need to step in and have a word with her. But just the gifts, I wouldnt make a deal of it. good-luck.
2007-10-01 04:35:29 · answer #7 · answered by undone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While she means well, she is just following what the rest of the folks in her church believe is the right thing to do. Explain to her nicely and politely, that it is YOUR job to teach your children what you want them to believe and it is YOUR job to determine the time and place when that instruction is to begin. Teaching about God is a very big concept, and I agree with your choice as to not just miming the words of others. Teach basic things at first like sharing, and love, and then a relationship with the Creator is just a small step, instead of a large one.
2007-09-30 12:15:16 · answer #8 · answered by Janet T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speaking from experience...
Your children are being conditioned by their aunt to accept future teachings on Christianity.
She may not be consciously thinking about this, but if her religious gifts are a concern for you, not just a minor annoyance, then you must in good conscience say something to her.
You are the editor of your children's experience of the world at this age. It's up to you to make sure they are not desensitized to christianity by having a houseful of christian objects, celebrate christian holidays, etc. and end up thinking of their whole family as being christian.
My daughter is four years old. We are raising her to be an observant Jew, but her extended families are various forms of christian.
Her favorite aunt began taking her for overnights on some weekends and having me pick her up after church, where my daughter was attending Sunday school! When she one day told us that when we pray, we must "keep Jesus in our hearts", I finally said "no more christianity!"
Your sister in law may be initially offended by your boundaries when you set them, but if she wants to be part of the children's lives, she will have to learn to do so according to the wishes of the parents.
Good luck!
2007-09-30 12:12:26 · answer #9 · answered by Tseruyah 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do is be honest. Tell her you need to talk with her about something important. Then when you can sit down tell her that it's hard for you to say because her gifts are so sweet, but that they make you uncomfortable and that you aren't raising your children religiously. I'm sure she'll understand. Make sure you tell her that if your kids ever do ask about Christianity you'll of course have them talk to her but you don't want to favor any one religion over another as far as gifts or education.
2007-09-30 11:50:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋