communication skills -help appreciated.?

Question

so i have a problem.... people have told me (kindly) that I should think about the way I say things to people. i think they mean this in a way that sometimes what I say sounds more blunt, harsh or rude than it should. I've never really noticed this but I would say that sometimes I do have a know bullshit approach to things (which isn't a bad thing) and I can be highly strung (which is a bad thing). I am a junior in my office and sometimes I worry that what I say to more senior members of staff looks rude when I really don't mean it to be. I am also of the opinion that within the workplace it is not your position on the career ladder that earns you respect but simply how much respect you have for others, but I don't think this comes across in the way I speak to people and I always considered myself as very polite- and have been told I am.

Please could you give me some tips on communicating as I don't want to let myself down in anyway.

Thank you!

Answer 1

People like you are called "direct". You certainly don't mean to offend, but sometimes come across as too, well, direct.

If you are about to say something you fear MAY be taken the wrong way, try re-wording it in your head first with softer language and see if you get a better reaction.

Personally, I enjoy working and conversing with people who are upfront and direct and honest and ethical. Just because you are direct doesn't mean you aren't sweet, compassionate and possess all kinds of good qualities.

Answer 2

You can say what you need to say, without being blunt.

Since you don't give a single example, it's hard to rewrite what you say, to show how you MIGHT have said those things, but in a, well, kinder, gentler way (if you'll excuse the phrase).

You might want to read Miss Manners. She has lots of examples of how to get your point across politely and inoffensively. Putting people off won't do you any good, either with friends and family, or on the job.

Just taking a wild stab here, but instead of saying "You're wrong." you should say that the specific thing the person SAID was wrong. It just conveys the point you're trying to make in a less blunt way.

I don't entirely agree that a "no bullshit" approach is necessarily a good thing.

If it puts people off, then it isn't. (Which isn't to say be a doormat, which is why I recommend Miss Manners -- this is one of her crusades: to get rid of the notion you have to either be a doormat or you have to be rude.)

You can accomplish your goals without offending people or coming across as harsh.

You're also right that in the business world, a bit more bluntness is right, compared to the social world, but even so, you need to attack the idea, not the person, and be specific, not global in your criticisms.

Socially, even more tact is required, as well as the question "do I NEED to say this?" or "Is this any of my business?" or "Is this just going to hurt the person's feelings?"

Uh, a person's position on the career ladder IS what earns you respect there. That is, one shows more respect for those higher in the hierarchy. You move up by being good at what you do, and being proactive about preventing and solving problems, as well as by playing well with others.

Which isn't to say that the higher people can DISrespect those below. Everyone should be treated with respect (unless they've put themselves completely out of the reach of civilized behavior).

Also, it may be tone of voice, and body language that are giving a bad impression.

As I say, it would have been better if you'd given any examples.

Answer 3

Think before speaking.