Is it OK to share a room with a close friend of the opposite sex?

Question

Please can i get a general consencus on this? I am a 20-something female who has a handful of close male friends. They are no more than friends - it's all completely platonic. My friends tend to be mostly male. I am outgoing and very social and a bit of a tomboy.

If on a night out or visiting them (as they may live a distance away), it is more convenient to stay over at their house, they will offer me a bed for the night. Sometimes, I may have to share a room with them as they don't have any spare guest rooms. However, I will always be in my own bed and they will be in theirs.

Is this generally deemed as acceptable? Only I have been told that it would be OK as long as I was in a separate room. I have been told that it is totally not acceptable to sleep in the same room, even if it's in a separate bed and happens very occasionally.

I have been doing this my whole life and now this has completely upset me as I can't see what I am doing wrong.

Please help. x

So, to give a little more info.... the person who is uncomfortable with this is my partner. He says he is fine with most of my friends being male & this seems to be true. This is a part of who I am & always have been - I find it very difficult to think that I can't stay round at my closest friends houses anymore (they don't have spare rooms). My partner says that by sharing a room with my friends, it "cheapens" the times he shares a room with me. He is in his late thirties so there is a 10+ year age gap. He is also from a different (westernised) country to me. Could this issue be to do with his generation or culture? I just think he is being unreasonable & cannot understand the reasons he gives when he says it makes him feel uncomfortable. I argue that anytime I stay over, it's for practical reasons - like they live far away & I don't want to travel back in the early hours. I feel like there would be no issue if they were female - can't help the fact that they are not.

Answer 1

Personally, I see no problem with it, but I am not your boyfriend. It doesn't really matter why he is uncomfortable with these arrangements, what matters is that he is uncomfortable. You have a few things to consider: Whether your boyfriend is generally a reasonable person or not, Whether considering his feelings of insecurity over your needs to visit your friends is a priority, and Whether there is another compromise that could or should be made.

Let's assume that your boyfriend is a fairly reasonable guy...that means he doesn't get jealous of you hanging out with guy friends, or act nuts if someone happens to turn your head out in public. If this is the case, then although his feelings about your sleepovers maybe overly sensitive, you should consider respecting them, especially if you want to pursue a long term relationship.

If you don't want to give up your sleepovers, then you need to reassure him that nothing inappropriate would happen, and ask him to respect your decision, although you should know that it may be a deal breaker for the relationship.

This is just one of those instances where although logically there shouldn't be a problem, emotionally there is. You just have to decide how much of "me" you are willing to set aside for "we".

Answer 2

Kinda self centered of you.
Its not that your partner does not trust you, he knows what guys are like and he does not trust them.You may have a platonic relationship with these guys but that does not mean they dont want to have sex with you it only means they have not managed to... yet.
You should not be spending the night in the same bed or room as other guys or spending the night in other guys houses.
Even though they live some distance from your home, have you never heard of a hotel.
Your partner still has to deal with any comments from friends family and workmates when they hear of your nights away.
Why is your partner not going with you?
If you cant spend the night with your partner, you should spend the night alone.

Answer 3

You are doing nothing wrong, relax. You can even share the same bed with a person of the opposite sex and this could mean nothing, if neither of the persons is physically attracted to the other. And this is definitely your business and no one else's.

Answer 4

20 years ago, when I was single, I planned a trip to France with a male friend from college (he is straight). We were both single and not dating anyone. When we got to Paris, our hotel was overbooked and since we were three hours late in arriving (bad weather) our rooms had been given away. They apologozed and asked if we would like a deluxe suite for the inconvience. We said yes, because a deluxe suite in the States usually has a pull out bed in the couch or something. When we got up to the room and searched around, too our horror, there was only one bed.
So there we were in Paris, in a hotel room, with one bed. The thought of sleeping together was uncomfortable for both of us, but it was very late (11 pm) and we were tired. To solve our problem, he ordered up extra pillows and lined the middle of the bed with them so he would not accidently cross over to the other side. In the morning we went out to find a hotel with separate rooms.
When we got home, all the other guys gave my friend a hard time for just sleeping with me and not "sleeping" with me.
It just depends upon your relationship.
If you are comfortable with it, then it is ok.
If not, do not do it.
Who cares what anyone else thinks.

Answer 5

No, it sounds fine, do what you like.

I personally would try to have a room to myself, but only because I have been stuck in a hotel room where my female roommate snored like a foghorn, I've also been in a mixed-sex dorm in a Dublin hostel and had some guy snoring away above me and he wasn't the only snorer in the room!

Answer 6

Being tomboy and sleeping with friends of the opposite sex is fine when you are in your teens. Now that you are 20+ you should behave and live your life differently, especially when you have a partner. You need to conduct yourself like a decent, and morally upright lady.

Answer 7

Oh my goodness... you have my problem down to a tee!! I am the same as you but with an extra problem of being married. My husband is accepting of my male mates and trusts me 100%... but everyone else judges me on it and i mean everyone...even the ones who say they understand stab me in the back!
YES I say it is acceptable and I would even go as far as to say I would consider sleeping in the same room as some of my male friends because we both know that they is nothing other than mates in it....you wouldnt feel odd sleeping in the same room (or even bed) as a female friend so why should it be any different.. Me and one of my mates went on holiday together last year and you should have heard the bloomin uproar it stirred! We could have saved £300 on or holiday if we had shared a room but we got one each and both had an extra bed in our rooms going to waste! STUPID....grrr
Drives me mad... hope you find a solution to your problem..xx

Answer 8

Firstly, just like there's no such thing as a free lunch, there is no such thing as a platonic friendship - and your advisers are telling you that is their feeling (now that they are in their 20 somethings).
Secondly, your male friends are approaching the stage when they are beginning to realise some 'truths' about life.
Thirdly, of course you should do what YOU want to do but recognise that you may want to maintain a kind of relationship that is changing naturally and dont get caught out.

Answer 9

As a general rule, don't give a s**t what other people think.

I came to the conclusion long ago, that most "other people" are nosy busybodies who should mind their own business, and stop interfering in your life.

Do what you think is right. For the record, I don't see a problem.

Answer 10

Tell all those people who tell you there's something wrong with it to get a grip.

Better still, don't discuss the sleeping arrangements.

No, there's nothing wrong with it.

Heck, I've slept with men I wasn't "sleeping with."

Some people just have filthy minds. Ignore them.