How can I ask my mother in soon to be mother-in-law to let me have some in put on planning my dream wedding?

Question

with out hurting their feelings. i know evey mother wants to have some say in their daughter's wedding day. but my mother wants to plan every detail. and his mother has all these ideas that are of jamaican tradition. my groom and i agree to have a beautiful yet simple untraditional wedding. please help me before i get to stress out. No, we can't elope because both of our fathers already put most of the money down to book the places we want to have the wedding and reception. I respect my mother and his mother and i know they want what's best for us, but they aren't taking any of my ideas into consideration. please give me some good advice that won't hurt anyones feelings. Thanks in advance

our mothers aren't paying for anything and they are married to other men not our fathers. our fathers are married to other women, if anyone should have a say in this it should be our fathers new wives.

Answer 1

Take them both out, possibly together if they get along, bring some of the stuff that you're planning your wedding with. And if they start to say "well you should do this" or "wouldn't that be nice" just gently say "i'm really glad that you're both so willing to help with the wedding plans and help us pay for this wedding, but we'd like to keep things fairly simple, and i'll really think about doing this or that and we'll look into it."

it's not telling them no, but it's not telling them yes either. let them know you want to discuss it with your fiance. have him tell his mother what you've decided on and you tell your mother what you've decided on.

Answer 2

I think that you need to talk to everyone all at once. When you have two excited parents on the same page you are going to need some reinforcements. Since they are both in the same mindset they probably don’t notice how much they are overstepping their boundaries. Calling them out alone will just result in them denying and dismissing your problem as wedding anxiety and it will make them want to help you even more. If you have both sets of parents and your fiancé there, you have more people to back you up.

They have both had there own dream weddings already and if they haven’t they shouldn’t be trying to fulfill it by making their dream your reality. Or in this case your nightmare. Once they notice how much they are invading, they should retreat.

What about even putting each of them in charge of something special? Example: A dedication to family members lost or a timeline of you and the groom as children, growing up into adults, and then how you met and came to your special day together. Giving them a special project to work on might distract them. They are obviously in a lot of anxiety themselves since their babies are getting married so they need a distraction too.

Answer 3

I disagree with the first answer. Too many times in all sorts of situations, people hold things in, instead of expressing how they feel. Then when the tea pot is steaming, we explode. I really think you should sit down with the both of them and add your ideas. After all, it is your wedding. Tradition says family pays for it, not plan the entire thing. Don't try to change their ideas, just simply add to them. When you are finished with your conversation you'll be able to take a freash breath of relief. Best wishes to the both of you!! ;)

Answer 4

One way would be to get everyone together for a meal, moms and dads and you two. Tell them you have some ideas you want to talk about regarding your wedding. (I would encourage the dads to be there since they have already started paying for things and they may be able to help influence moms to encourage your ingenuity and ideas to make your wedding unique). Yes, you are right when you say all moms want to have a say in their daughter's wedding day, and I can understand her desire to want to do everything her way, since she raised you and may think she knows everything about how you want everything...she needs to realize that you are still her "little girl" but you have thougts of your own and since you are now an adult, maybe your dream wedding isn't exactly what she has in mind. Also, be willing to bend a bit, give in on a Jamacian tradition and you will still be able to keep it simple yet elegant. E-mail me if you want for any help I may be able to offer.

Answer 5

Invite them both around for afternoon tea and sit them down and tell them how their behavior is effecting your enjoyment of the day. Write down the things that YOU want so you have them there as back up. Also make sure your fiance is there to stand up for you too.
Explain to them how very grateful you are for their help and ideas, but you wish to have a few things included that will make your day into a "dream wedding".
Good luck

Answer 6

just sit them down and tell them how u feel about all of this...
tell them that this is your wedding and you know that what they what is best for you...but you would like some input on all of this...this is your special day (congradulations, i eloped,haha)......i would still include a few of each ones ideas....to make them feel like they had a part in on their daughters special day...but it just sounds like to me that you're a pretty good person to have both sides of the family working with you...you're very lucky

i would just talk to them hun...let em know that you love them very much but you want some of your ideas,input in on this too.
goodluck with your special day

Answer 7

The problem is your families are paying for the wedding.

If you want your wedding a certain way you need to pay for it yourself.

Sit them both down with you and your fiance and talk to them!

Answer 8

You're an adult woman, and you need to speak up to them. Tell them you appreciate all they are trying to do for you, but they need to realize this is your wedding, and you have ideas about how you would like this day to go, too...they are doing too much because you allow it.

Answer 9

One word, and it's okay to use it... "no"

They're all wrapped up in the hype and want to help. They may not even realize they're barging in on the wedding... You'll need to be polite of course, but just talk to them. Tell them This is what we have decided....

Answer 10

It's your day. No matter who pays for it , you should have the final say in things. Besides, just blame it on stress if you come across rude.