He told me the other day, he has fancied me since i first met him (he had a gf at the time, she hated me because she thought there was something going on between us, there wasnt though, im not like that at all) and he said he still fancies me now (he has a newish gf) he told me hes always liked me and wants to get really serious. I mean i do like him, but i dont know if i want to go out with him, he has a gf, and i dont think its fair on her that hes doing this. When he told me he wanted to get SERIOUS i kind of freaked out, i never thought he thought of me in that way. Why is he telling me now that he likes me? He cant say these things to me and still go out with his gf can he? Please help, he was my good friend but i think its kind of ruined now that he's said this. What do i do????
2007-09-30 08:39:49 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
How odd that you think this ruined your friendship. He cares for you a lot. Who should you be going out with, someone who doesn't care or is in it all for himself? He may have a girlfriend, but he cares for you more. He is not obligated to stay with her if he loves you.
What do you do? Go out with him.
I just looked at some of those other answers. Wait a minute. Why should he not tell you how he feels? He is going out with someone because he hasn't had the opportunity or the nerve or whatever to tell you how he feels. This does not mean he has to stick with her, a girl he doesn't care that much about, if he can have you. In fact, he absolutely should be telling you these things if it is how he feels. He needs to know how you feel so he can decide in which direction to take his life and can be fair and honest with the other girl. If you foolishly reject him, he has every right to go out with that girl or anyone else he likes. He is trying to do the right thing.
2007-09-30 08:47:44 · answer #1 · answered by alterego 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, do you like him at all in any way? (altho going from your post, it doesn't sound like you do..)
If you don't fancy him back... I would make it clear to him that while you appreciate his honesty and feelings, that you only love him as a dear, platonic friend. I'm sure like all guys, he'll be angry and wounded for a while, but you may need to put some distance between you two for a while. I think that's the best solution b/c that's how it happened with some of my guy friends (and vice versa). If the friendship was originally very strong, you guys will eventually talk and hang out again like normal. It will hurt, but you guys will be ok.
So.. I don't even know if you need to deal with his g/f issues, if you don't like him that way. If you do like him.. well, I think you need to ask him some tough questions - like why is he getting involved with other women when he has feelings for you? Second, you should ask him - does he know what he's doing to his g/f when his feelings are for someone else? That should tell you a little bit more about his character.
Good luck! Let us know what happens. :)
2007-09-30 15:51:20 · answer #2 · answered by two_design_kitties 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no he can't say all these things and then go on with his gf if he is really really into you, i had a similar situation i was bf's with this guy for like 4 years, and finally he had the guts to tell me but by that time I was over him, because I liked him at the beginning, and i didn' tsay anything so by the time he did I already moved on and didn't see him as more than just friends, we kissed and went on a date but i decided we were better off as friends because I didn't want to ruin our strong bond, so that didn't ruin our frienship at all, we sitll went out every weekends and were always together as friends, now im in a serious relationship and he is married, and it was the best thing for both of us, so do what your heart tell you, the best relationships start out as friends, and you two already have that base so good luck :)
2007-09-30 15:46:09 · answer #3 · answered by jm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he thought that much of you, he would be going out with you instead of the new girl friend. He sounds like a player and you should be sorry for her and just tell him that he is not good boyfriend - or husband - material because he should not be going out with her and talking to you this way!!
2007-09-30 15:46:45 · answer #4 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe I am just a stupid logical man, but I do not understand the problem unless you dont like him romantically.
If you like him tell him he has to drop his girlfriend before you will date him... and tell him you will have to get to know him better before you will tell him whether or not you are his official girlfreind. (And make him promise you will remain freinds either way)
If you dont like him romantically but want to keep him as a freind, let him down easy and respectfully... but in the end, he might just resent you and that will be the end of your relationship. [But make sure you tell him while letting him down that you want to remain freinds] In the end in this scenario your continued relationship will pretty much be his sole decision.
And I dont understand while him stating his interest in you "ruins your good freindship"?
2007-09-30 15:48:40 · answer #5 · answered by rorzzz09192007 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should keep it still as friends. if you're not sure if you love him and agree to go out, it's really hard for lovers to become friends again. Also if he has a girlfriend why would he tell you this, maybe this tells you that he's not a loyal guy, and what if he does that to you?
2007-09-30 15:56:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well sometimes the best relationships start out as good friends. If the girl he's with isn't that serious, jump on it.
2007-09-30 15:43:54 · answer #7 · answered by Chad H 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i am thinking that he is telling you this because hes not happy with all of these other girls...and maybe its time for him to come clean and be honest to himself...you can't hate him for that...and as far as anything goes.
best friends to make the best friends,wifes,husbands, lovers...
if you've been there for him this long...id say give it a try....i think you're in complete denial.....
2007-09-30 16:09:09 · answer #8 · answered by Susan C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋