my parents are divorcing?

Question

my parents are divorcing and i have already choosen to live with my mom but like she says nothing is changing and everything is, its like the world around me is just going to end, and its like i can't get through this. everything is changing, their fighting all the time, i can't have some friends come to a party because my mom doesn't want them to just because of dad, or she tells me stuff, and its like i want to hear but then after im sooo upset about it, shes getting mad at me way more often, and its just like my life is unfair, what should i do, im turning 12 in 2 weeks

this has started about last year during hockey, about december, right at christmas, i found out the day before christmas when my sister told me, my sister 16 lives with my dad, and my sister 19 lives in a collage... thanks:)

Answer 1

Ask about talking to school counsilor. They can be great to just talk to and come up with some helpful ideas about getting your life to a more stable mode. And, talk to your parents about how you're feeling. They need to know too. They may be able to help more than you can think.

Answer 2

My parents got divorced when i was almost 8. Now im 13 and its still hard for me. I don't even really remember what it was like before that clearly, except all the fighting. Because my parents have joint costody my sis and i are always going back and forth plus my parents live a half an hour away. You will have it easier because your parents wont fight anymore if they dont see eachother and you are just living with your mom. Im not saying it wont be hard, it will. I still wish my parents were back together, but then i think of the good things that came out of their divorce. Someday you'll look back and will be able to think of the good things. I still don't have friends over because none of their parents are divorced and their parents don't want them to come over. I know its hard, maybe you could explain it to them and they might offer to have the party at their house. Just remember it will get better when everyone gets used to it including your mom. Try to make things easier for her now, shes going through a lot too. I hope i helped and i hope you feel better about it.

Answer 3

Hi,

Sorry to hear about your situation. My parents divorced when I was 9 and I went through pretty much the same thing. Your Mom will probably be really upset and depressed for a while. Of course she will yell at you more and fight with you. To be dead honest, their relationship ending is much, much, much more hard on her than it is on you. Ofcourse it's hard for you, you want everything to be fine and them back together, but for her I can't even imagine how hard it is. Sooner than later both your parents will be giving you and your other siblings (if you have any) A LOT of attention. When my parents got divorced, things were rough for a little while, but after that I got so much darn attention because of it! It was like things were better that they're divorced. Just go with the flow and be as nice to your Mom as you can. Even if she trys to fight with you or something like that don't retaliate and fight back, just tell her you love her. It's a really hard time for her, and you would be the best thing for her right now. I know your 12 and think you should be getting the affection, but for you, life moves on and you find the love of your life one day, her life has just started over and everything became pointless in her relationship now. I hope everything works out for you! And as far as your party, just have as much fun as you can! You will!

Answer 4

This is a really hard time for all of you.

Your mom is short with you because she's being stressed out.

The world is NOT going to end; but it WILL be different. Not horrible, just different.

Over time, you'll get used to it.

Don't let your mom tell you stuff. Just say "This is really hard, and I really don't think I should know any of this stuff until I'm older. Could you talk to a friend about this, instead? Please?"

Maybe you could get a friend to have a birthday party at their place.

You could be responsible for the snack and for set up and clean up, but it would be there, instead of at your place.

You can so get through this. Talk to someone at your school; if there's a counselor, this is the sort of thing they're there for; to help students who are going through a rough time.

I'm afraid you'll just have to wait this out until the situation settles down some. But do find a grown-up to talk to who can help you deal with all of this.

Answer 5

My parents divorced when I was 15. I'm 50 now so I've had a lot time to think about how it messed me up, confused me and turned my world on it's head.

The hardest thing you have to do is remember that when your parents are fighting and you mom is acting out her frustrations against you is that it is not your fault. It is they that have to get over their problems and those problems don't have to ruin your life. As I said I know this a hard thing to do. But don't forget. They did not get divorced beacuse of you.

Things will calm down a bit as your parents work throught their issues. Don't be frustrated with them. Be patient with your mom, it's a very hard time for her too.

In the mean time find something you like to do and create a quiet time for yourslf to do it. Something that will take you away from the sad or confusing thoughts for a while each day. Something like reading, painting, modeling or drawing, writing stories or whatever you like to do and can do by yourself for a couple of hours or so each day.

Don't withdraw into yourself, rely on your your close freinds. Talk about your feelings with them, don't bottle them up. That is not healthy.

Hang in there, be calm, things will be better and less confusing in time. 35 years later I can remember how my life was turned upside down when my folks divorced, but now I'm OK and you will be too.

Answer 6

honey, may god be with you and help you through this road bump of life. First, have you talked to your mom about how you are feeling, or even you dad..one of them has to listen. Once they realize how you feel, they will change. If they don't listen, that's what friends are for, to support you. You are only twelve and the other kids might not understand what is going on, but you have at least one friend who will understand you or try your counselor or a teacher at school you can talk to, they will most surely help. What you shouldnt do, is get all depressed, or run away, or do anything that is dumb. This will get really hard for you but like I said before this is only one of the many road bumps you will hit in life. Unfortunately yours have started at a very young age. Just think about it, soon it will all be over.
God Bless.

Answer 7

you are caught in the middle of a bad situation but it will get better, I assure you. she is feeling the frustration of the marriage ending. Just try to let the two of them argue over the details of the divorce and realize that some things, like the party, may have to be put aside for the moment but once the divorce is final and there is just you and your mother, things will be much better, so just have patience until then. You say that she tells you things and you get upset about them so I imagine you mean things about your dad but she is just taking her frustration out on you when she gets mad and that will end also once the divorce is final. Just keep telling yourself, This too will pass!!

Answer 8

you should talk to a counselor or school or maybe a pastor at you church, or even a teacher or other adult you feel comfortable talking to. They can help you sort through these things and they may need to talk to your mother about how this is effecting you. She should not be talking bad about your dad to you because he is your dad. No matter how upset she is with him, she should go talk to another adult, not you. It's not your job to be her therapist. Is there any chance you have grandparents or maybe an aunt or uncle nearby who would let you have the get together with your friends at their house? Just a thought.

Answer 9

it'll be fine, my parents got divorced last year and i felt the same way. it was so weird. and my mom acted similar. she had these random mood swings, but it was just a phase, time changes everything. i thought i would never be able to get used to my parents splitting up, but now im ok with it, and u will be too. i kno it sucks so much, but just remember that ur not alone.

Answer 10

I know how you feel, and beleive me you dont want to hear it. And the reason shes getting made is that she is probably really upset too. You just have to try to keep both of you happy even if that means saying mom, I dont want to hear it this is too hard for me, you cant take all of this out on me, its just too much. Good luck and dont worry you'll adapt.