My dad was an alcoholic when I was younger. After my mom took years of emotional abuse she filed for divorce. My dad had custody of me on weekends...he'd either call to cancel cuz he was drinkin...or he just wouldnt show up. After years of having nothing to do w/ him..I found out he has diabetes..pretty badly too..he wrote me a letter months ago blaming me for a lot of stuff...i wrote him one back tellin him how much he had hurt me through the years...he never wrote back..for the 1st time in years this past december we got together...unfortunately for my grandma's funeral...we talked for awhile...I want so badly to have him in my life again, but at the same time something is holding me back. I feel as if he abandoned me for so long he shouldnt get to know the person i've become...after all who i've become is no thanks to him..however, he is very sick n i wouldnt want him dyin thinkin that his daughter hated him...please help....
2007-09-30 08:06:21 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your father is sick in the head. Anyone who can sit there and put blame on you is ridiculous. You were a child. Youre choice might be to endure further abuse from him if you want a relationship. You have to decide if its worth that. If you have children Id say no way or they will think thats normal.
If he just wants a new beginning and theres no abuse then give it a try.
2007-09-30 08:11:57 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off you have to know that you were not the cause of any of his problems, the alcohol was. Has he come to terms with that or is he still blaming you? If he has not come to terms with that then you are in for a very rocky relationship and need to keep it at a distance. You can still have one just be prepared for the constant blame game. Is he still drinking? If he is then when you do talk to him let him know that the conversation is over and you will be happy to talk to him when he is sober. If he has finally quit drinking then he will be easier to get along with when you do talk to him. The point that I am getting at here is it is okay to start to converse with him again just take it really slow and set boundaries. With time you may be able to get closer to him. Trying is better then never knowing if you could have had a relationship with him. Good Luck
2007-09-30 08:15:16 · answer #2 · answered by firemouse23 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like the man you are talking about was just a sperm donor and not a real father. Your mother stepped up and raised you without any help from him. Now after a “feel sorry for me” letter from the sperm donor, you want to slap your mother in the face and accept him back into your life. How nice for you and how cruel for your mother.
Don’t feel bad about your so called father. He did just fine without you for years, abused your mother until she couldn’t take it any more and now wants a “relationship” with you because no one else wants him.
My best advise is for you to ask your mother if it’s a good idea. Maybe she can talk some sense into you.
2007-09-30 08:19:16 · answer #3 · answered by whiner_cooler 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him you love him. has he changed? give him the chance to show that. you are the only person who can really decide if a relationship is worth fighting for. the past is gone and only the future remains how you want that future to be? with him or without him... its not like he is asking to move in your house... only to have a relationship of some sorts. you can forgive a person of the past and see the change if you are willing to see it. as for blaming you for everything wrong in his past set him straight before any relationship is forged unless he can explain why he feels that way it will haunt you as long as it looms in your mind.
2007-09-30 08:25:42 · answer #4 · answered by Lynn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For your peace of soul...bring some forgiveness to your life.
Better that than having remorse after he is gone.
You´ll feel much better...Sometimes we have to do things just for menthal health!:...
Talk to him, go see him and shake hands...he´s your dad and he is sick..
2007-09-30 08:14:10 · answer #5 · answered by jackielafemme 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋