in adoption can s/workers insist the child stays even if he's tearing the family apart?

Question

the child is unhappy. My other children are unhappy. The situation has made me ill. Social workers say they have the powers to make him stay where he is. Is this right ?

Answer 1

Hi,

I think the Social Services are saying this because they want the child to be stable and secure. The child has obviously been through a lot of change and now that this has been finalised to uproot him again may be the bad thing to do.

I know it hard as you are all unhappy but this is probably due to the change in the adoption going ahead and all the emotions coming out.

It will take a while but you can change the atmosphere at home by spending more time as a family and doing some family things.

If your own biological children feel unhappy and you unhappy, the poor boy may be feeling left out and unwanted.

If it really is a nightmare and you don't feel that anything you do is going to help change situation then it best to speak to Social Services again but I am guessing now it all finalised he will be where he is and that with you.

If this was a foster placement he would be moved but you have endured many assessment processes and told them you wanted this little boy and now he here and you changing your mind.

He isn't ripping family apart - he is a child and is fighting because he hasn't got his maternal parents. He probably feels alone in the world and needs to be shown how to form attachments and to play and bond and trust.

Good luck!

Lx

Answer 2

I am unsure if you are in the uk or the usa?
In the uk there is a settling in period and enough adjustment time to ensure the adoption is right for everyone before paperwork finalised, usually the child is fostered for a while first. But if it is an adoption of a child from another country or the paperwork has all been processed then the child is the same as if it had been born to you, your responsibility to take the good with the bad.
If you really do not want the child any more it is the same procedure as if you did not want your own child, you would be then putting the child into care to get fostered or adopted all over again.
It is so important that adoption is fully thought through before hand to avoid these issues arising, and perseverence can be the key to making things work.
Often children misbehave and push you away to test you and see if they can truly trust you, it is part of the acceptance process.

Answer 3

As an adopter and a foster carer (in the UK) I am surprised at your comments.
Social services are duty bound to ensure a correct and
happy placement for any child.If after very and I mean very detailed examination of your circumstances they see that the placement has broken down the child should be removed from your care.However it could depend on the type of "adoption" is he a family member ?.
You really need to speak to a senior social worker and relay all that has happened and how upset all members of the family are.The child, I believe , should have his own social worker who must be made aware of how unhappy you all are.
However it can be a rocky road you have taken and this could be a temporary albeit traumatic period in your lives.
Please, do try to give this child a home where he can be loved and love you back

Answer 4

Maybe this child is picking up on the way you feel towards him,maybe he can see that your 'siding' with 'your biological' children and of course hes going to resent the whole situation, your not treating him as an equal!!
Try treating him as your own son,you adopted him hes now your responsibility, i cant beleive if your this unstable about the whole situation that your adoption order went through!!
You sound like you need to sort yourself out and your attitude towards this child,you cant just decide to adopt him and then the going gets tough and plop him back where you got him from!! How dare you mess with this childs life, give him some love and security and i guarentee you see a difference!!

Answer 5

If you have adopted a child and the adoption is final then that child is your child in every way. If you gave birth to this child, what would you do? That is how you need to approach this situation because again if you have finalized the adoption of this child you are solely responsible to him/her and need to seek help for your family.

Yes, the social worker can make you retain custody of the child because you are his/her parents. Through a court process you can have the child removed from the home and placed in a treatment center but you will go through all channels that any parent, biological or adoptive, will go through to seek help for their family and children.

many biological families have issues with a child that tears the family apart. I do feel for you but you are this child's family and will have to seek assistance just like any other family who needs help with a child. I have been there with my oldest child. Long term family counseling worked wonders for us and more importantly for her.

Have you tried counseling?

Child evaluation would be a good strategy. Have the child evaluated so you know the source of his/her behavior, then take steps to help them heal. That child needs healing so the rest of the family can begin to heal. If they are tearing the family apart they are hurting and acting out for a reason. Find that reason and seek treatment for the child and your family!

Answer 6

You need to just work it all out, honestly this is the last thing this poor child needs to be uprooted again. This is why so many kids in foster care have problems they have come to realize and think that the only one they can depend on is themselves. Your adopted child might have fears that you don’t really want him thus why get use to something that he doesn’t think is going to last.

You adopted this boy knowing he was an older child and that he might have some issues. You need to help him deal with them. Enter counseling, show him that you love him and that he is a part of your family.

Answer 7

you are not required to ever keep any child. But if you have already totally adopted this child and you wish to give the child up, they will make you pay child support for as long as the child is in foster care or till another family officially adopts him/her.

Answer 8

love them all same and make it work. Would you give up your own children if they were unhappy. For God sake it a child

Answer 9

So you adopted a child - which makes him/her your own. Then you want to get rid of it ; and you wonder why s/he is unhappy. Would you want to get rid of a natural child ? I doubt it no matter what.

Answer 10

Its a fact that a small percentage of adoptions do fail, and the child is returned to live in care. This happened to a friend's brother. All of the children in the family were adopted, and there were 2 sisters and 2 brothers both from different sets of parents. One of the brothers never settled and would do some terrible things. (including repeatedly smearing faeces on walls and trying to poison the mother at the age of 7) and in the end they felt they had no choice but for him to return to care. It was devastating for everyone, especially for his natural brother, but the parents were losing their sanity over this prolonged behaviour and felt they had no other options. (This was 20 years ago)