The name we chose for our daughter has my mother upset and refusing to call her grandaughter by any name!?

Question

My wife and I have a 14 month-old daughter who we named to honor both of our mothers. We used my mother in law’s nickname, used mainly at work, as our daughter’s first name and a version of my mother’s first name as her middle name. We told everybody our name selection prior to the birth and everything seemed fine until I called my mother to announce our daughter’s birth. That’s when she started raising the biggest stink about how we showed favoritism towards the other grandmother by naming our daughter this way. We refused to change our name choice but agreed that my parents can call her by any nickname they like. The catch is that they insist that everybody else call her that nickname before they start using it themselves. Of course everybody calls our daughter by the name we chose, so for the past 14 months they haven’t called her any name at all, just referring to her with pronouns.
What are your thoughts about this behavior and ideas on how to settle this dispute?

Just to clarify... It's my mother (paternal grandmother) who is having the problem with her granddaughter's name. We agreed early on that my parents can call our daughter a nickname but this has not worked since my mother expects my wife and I to also use the nickname or to call our daughter by both her first and middle name. My wife and I were never very enthusiastic about calling our child something other than her first name, but are more than willing to allow my parents to do so if it makes them feel better. Our intent was to honor both grandmothers and do not see the name order as important. My mother thinks that since most people are called by their first name, she's being going to be left out. If we knew before our daughter was born what a problem her name was going to be, we certainly would have chosen another one. But, I think that telling me 15 minutes after our first daughter and their first grandchild is born is too late and very tasteless.

Answer 1

I think you should have not done that but it is to late for that. Playing one grandma against the other is not a good idea.

But your mother has to accept it and go on......
Didn't you think it would hurt your mother?
just let your mom call her what she wants as long as she does not ever insult your daughter all if fine. Don't make a big stink about it. Tell you mom she can call her a nick name if it makes her feel better at the end it will only be her that calls her the nick name.

Answer 2

I guess it's a little late to mention that my mother avoided this issue by giving us each a first and third name from each side of the family, then a second, which we are called, just picked out of the air.

Sorry to say but your mother is a fruitcake.

If she can't accept her own grandchild because she's named for her mother's mother, I don't see what's to be done.

She can't force everyone else to ignore the child's name; it's a little late to change it.

Let her do as she likes, and never be a real part of her granddaughter's life, if that's what she wants.

I suspect that, once your daughter is more fully lingual, and notices that your folks never use her name, they'll see they need to come around and accept her.

Either that, or she'll grow up with one set of grands who love her, and the other set that doesn't (which is fairly common anyway). As long as she gets a lot of love from all the rest of her relatives, it won't do her any harm.

And your parents can get whatever comfort they can knowing that they've alienated themselves from their granddaughter because they are petty, cruel freaks.

(Sorry, but punishing the child is just completely out of bounds vicious. They deserve to never know the love of their granddaughter.)

Answer 3

Ultimately it is up to you and your wife to name your children, and your parents are suppose to be mature. I don't know why they would feel this way unless there are some other issues at the bottom of it all. You could try asking, if not they are just going to have to deal with it, they can't go around calling your daughter by pronouns the rest of her life. It will eventually probably upset the child and for good reason, lack of respect on the grandparents part.

Answer 4

It's offensive. Naming a child after her grandmothers is an honor, regardless of the order of the names. Tell your mother her granddaughter is named after two fabulous women, and that your granddaughter is going to grow up thinking her name is "SheHer." That's ludicrous.

Answer 5

They are being very immature. They need to get over themselves. Stand your ground , and stick with the name you and your wife have chosen if the don't like it then that's their problem. Let them know how you feel about the way they are acting . Let them know if they continue doing this , as your daughter gets older it with hurt her and confuse her. Grandmother should not behaving this way, they are after all adults. Grandma's job are to love and spoil thier grandchildren.

Answer 6

Sounds like your mom is having some sort of mental issues. You have already tried to make her happy, but she isn't ready to let it go. She is being controling which comes from feeling of helplessness.
Some women have a hard time letting their sons grow up and seem to blame their wives. This can cause alot of problems for your marriage.
Reassure your mom that you love her, but make sure she knows that your wife and child come first now.

Answer 7

Anyone who becomes jealous over the name of a child should be ashamed. you announced it before hand and nothing was said... then all of the sudden they dont like it! my opinion (only mine) is they need to grow up and behave like grandparents instead of 5 year olds who didnt get their way. Call your daughter what you want and what you prefer and dont let their immaturity hurt you!

Answer 8

You were very sweet in naming the child, I think.

Your daughter will be proud to have those names.

As far as your mom goes, don't discuss it with her anymore. She can choose to call her anything she wants.

Half the time I think the kids in my family think they're all named "Goo Goo Baby." anyway.

Eventually goo goo baby will say "Grandma, don't you know my name is ___________-" (whatever) and that will be the end of it.

Answer 9

I would not entertain them by even saying anything to them as they sound ignorant. I think that it's really pathetic for grandparents to act like this. I would tell them when they are ready to apologize for there unacceptable behavior and act like a grandparent to give you a ring until then don't bother you and your family with there childish drama

Answer 10

I believe thats very selfish of the two mothers. This is your baby, and you should be happy and excited that you brought her into their world. Honestly, if they want to be apart of their grandaughters life then they need to compromise or get over it.