No thank you card received - should I say something?

Question

My brother and his wife were married 3 months ago. No one has received a thank you card yet - not even the wedding party. Should I say something?

I know for a fact they have not written the cards yet.

I'm not so much concerned about my card, but the impression they're making on the hundreds of friends and family members who went all-out for their wedding.

Answer 1

i think you should just ask your brother if he has any plans to send thank you cards - that people are asking you about it. better you ask and get the point across than they lose a friend over it.
as for those of you who don't think you should have to bother with thank you cards, shame on you. someone took time out of their lives to be at your shower, to be at your wedding and reception, and who spent their hard earned money on a gift for you and they deserves an acknowledgement.
for you to deem your time more valuable than theirs, to refuse to take time to send a thank you card, is rude and tasteless on your part. it takes a less than five minutes to write out a thank you card and post it. i know, some of you are going to come back and say yes but we would have to write dozens, [or hundreds], of cards and that is much more than five minutes and all i can say to you is this - you had no problem spending months on arranging your wedding, you had no problem spending hours getting yourself ready, you had no problem standing and being the center of attention for an entire day and you certainly had no problem spending time opening all those gifts. so why now can you not take the time to thank people for those very gifts you spent hours opening? there is no excuse for not bothering to thank people for their generousity. and not a generic pre-printed card with a hastily scribbled thanks for the gift. they should be sending out handwritten notes mentioning the exact gift. surely you aren't so vain as to assume you don't have to bother? and trust me on this, even though people may say 'oh, its ok', it isn't and they will not forget that you couldn't be bothered to take the time to send them a card. and karma will come back and bite you in the bum!

Answer 2

The longer they out off sending Thank you's, the more likely they will never get around to doing them! Of course people don't give gifts JUST to receive a thank you but with thefts from gift tables, loss in mail or delivery systems, mixed up cards, etc., it is absolutely necessary to send out Thank you cards just to confirm that the gift was received at all. and, as far as simple etiquette, well, that remains true as always. A thank you card should be sent out within a month NO MATTER WHAT! This new sister-in-law has no manners at all. What the heck is going on nowadays anyway? People on average wages demand weddings fit for royalty. Then they treat their generous guests like dirt! It is absolutely time for your parents - or you - to tactfully say something to your brother. Take him aside as soon as possible and mention that you are concerned for his future relationships with friends and family, that you know that no one has received a thank you card and that you love him and don't want this oversight to make relatives unhappy with his new wife. Give him a little hug and say you don't want to interfere but thought he'd appreciate the "heads up". If he complains about this sisterly hint, then he is as much to blame as his rude new bride.

Answer 3

I have never heard of sending a thank you card for a thank card. Tell them next time you see them that the card wasn't really necessary but you appreciate it. Case closed.

Answer 4

i ask this question and respond to them all the time. I did my thank yous on my honeymoon and people who received them 1 week after my wedding were shocked. Why is it so difficult for certain people to write out than you cards?? Some might say its laziness all i know is if i give a gift to someone i think its only proper to say thank you anyway you see fit.

Answer 5

By all means, be very strenuous in urging your new SIL to get those cards out before some disgruntled giver complains to her mother, or even worse, to YOUR mother. People can be really persnickety about getting a thank you letter, and omitting these letters is sure to curb these people's future generous impulses.

The most constructive way to do this is to arrange for some friends and family to help. Figure on about 10-12 notes per hour per person and get this knocked out! There is nothing incorrect about sending an "on behalf of" thank you note, like:
Dear Mr. & Mrs. Smith,
Dora and Dave asked me to tell you how very elegant the silver candlesticks look on their dining table. I know that they have received many compliment. They want you to know that they look forward to seeing you over the holidays.
Yours truly, Joanne Johnson

BTW, when you say "thank you cards" I hope you don't mean cards with a pre-printed thank you message, or even the words "thank you" pre-printed. Properly, a thank you note is blank note or letter that becomes a thank you note or letter by handwriting your own message of thanks on it. The cards can be either informal (the kind with pictures of lighthouses or flowers, etc) or formal (the kind on heavy neutral colored paper with nothing, or at most a monogram).

Send all the notes/letters on the same day so that everyone receives them on about the same day. Otherwise will be worrying "Well THEY got one and *I* didn't, boo hoo."

Answer 6

Well, that depends. Have they mentioned any of their gifts to you? If not, you might want to casually ask if they like whatever it is you got them, and see if they give any explanation. So depending on what they say to you, then you can say something like "Oh, I was wondering about that--I just wanted to make sure my thank you card didn't get lost in the mail" or " I just wanted to make sure you got my gift ok." You could wing it, really. But you don't have to accuse them of being rude or anything.

Answer 7

Yes. I had a friend ask me and we learned that I never received her gift. I thought she hadn't given us anything when in reality her card, with check inside of it, was stolen from the reception hall with a bunch of others.

Answer 8

Sweetie, I know your trying to help but I think getting married and settling down takes time. Let them handle the cards. I found it stressful for in-laws getting involved in my new life with my husband. The best advice I have is not to get involved, they still have time. And even if they don't it's not your problem.

Edit My husband went to his cousins wedding and was concerned that he never received a thank you card. Well, guess what?? they were divorced a year later. You may not be sure what stress may be in their marriage. If you want the best for your brother, maybe some support would be more helpful than judging them.

Answer 9

Yes, casually bring it up. I have at least three gifts that I have no clue who they came from. I wish I could thank someone but nobody has mentioned anything. I also have one gift with a name that no one knows who it is! I can't thank that person either because I don't know who they are.LOL. Maybe she doesn't have your address. That could be another reason.

Answer 10

I've read that you have an entire year to send out thank you notes. Unless this is something that comes up in conversation, without you leading the conversation towards it, or they ask you outright, I don't think you really have any right to say something.