My friend shuts down when she's confronted or insulted, why does she do this?

Question

my friend completely shuts down when she's insulted or confronted. When she's in public she just gets flustered and doesnt say anything. When she's at home, and someone confronts her, or insults her, she puts on her head phones and cranks her music so she cant hear anyone or anything, and then its like she gets lost in her music. Sometimes she even puts on sunglasses, like she's trying to completely shut herself off from anybody around her. She does that in the car too, if someone says something that she doesnt know how to react to, she'll just crank her music. Is something wrong with her? Why does she do that?

Answer 1

She is a role model for everyone as far as I am concerned. She just ignores it, and instead of lowering herself to act the same way, and be insulting, she just shuts them off. Good for her

Answer 2

As one person pointed out, it is a defense mechanism usually used when someone becomes frustrated and suffers from sensory overload. These problems occur because the person feels that the social mechanisms they have to defend themselves are inadequate and ineffective. If the person is not an adult, I can understand why they feel that way, but the response is immature and says, "I want what I want I want it now and I am not going to listen to anyone trying to deny it to me." Life is not getting everything you want and part of becoming mature is being able to delay gratification - in other words wait until you can have what you want. The ability to delay gratification for longer and longer periods of time is one of the things that increases as people mature and grow older, supposedly.
The other factor is learning to understand "why" you want what you want and be able to show people that their fears of letting you have it are unfounded. First, you have to get people to tell you why they don't like it by asking questions in a calm manner. Then think about it and see if they are right or wrong in their opinion. This is called negotiation. I also advise learning some assertiveness and problem solving skills. Even if you do not win the argument, you can be satisfied that you handled the situation better. Go to www.coping.org/relations/assert.htm and www.coping.org/relations/problem.htm for further information. I liked what I saw there.

Answer 3

Your friend may be using the only coping mechanism she has readily available.

Other people act aggressively, drink, drug, develop depression, have an eating disorder, etc.

Blocking out situations is a rather inoculous way to deal with stressful situations.

She also may be a shy person who copes by trying to shut her self off from aggressive or even threatening (her perception) situations.

You know, as I was typing this I thought about people I've known who are like this--sometimes they come from very verbally and physically abusive families and the only way they've learned to cope is by acting like a turtle.

You never know, for sure, why someone acts the way they do--when you're alone--why don't you ask her in the most non-confrontational way that you can muster?
Maybe she's not even aware she's doing it as often as she is...

Answer 4

Being insulted or confronted is not a very nice thing to have happen to you.

What is the problem with the insulter?? They are the ones that are in the wrong.

That is not being very courteous.

Answer 5

It's a psychological defense mechanism... im not sure but it can be "avoidance"... when people are confronted with problems or stressors, they use these defense mechanisms so that the person will be able to cope up with the event, even if he/she was not able to resolve it.

Answer 6

There are those of us who are easily affected by negativity directed at us. The opinion of others matters more to us than how we feel about ourselves. The negativity reinforces our bad self-image.

Answer 7

She doesnt want to hear your crap -