am i crazy?

Question

a few years ago when i was 12 (im 15 now) my life changed forever. I wont go into details because it's to painful/embaressing/personal to talk about but I was chronically depressed and feeling suicidal for about 6 months. Eventually i became happier and now I couldnt be happier, but still every now and then when Im stressed I start to feel as bad as I did when I was depressed. After my depression I was left scared of the dark for some reason also and Idk why. idk... nothing in my life makes sense... i told my mom i wanna talk to a therapist but she wont let me(idk why) so my only way to let my feeling out is my diary (idk what id do without it).
At one point i even told her i think i had OCD (which i dont and i knew i didnt) but i just wanted her to take me to a therapist because I really wanna talk to someone who will listen (even if I have to pay them). Am i insane or what or am i just going threw something (because sometimes i wonder if i am permenantly damaged)???

Answer 1

Perhaps you need to talk to a trusted teacher or the school guidance counsellor and explain the seriousness of your situation. It is good that you have identified that you need help and perhaps they could help convince your mom therapy is in your best interest and nothing to be ashamed about.

I'm 25 and scared of the dark, I sleep with the light on and have just gotten used to the fact that while some people are scared pf snakes, I'm of the dark. So maybe you could get a small nightlight like they use for little kids as a sleeping aid...their cheap and its a temporary solution to your situation.

The big thing is that if you are suicidal, call 911 or whatever the number is in your country and get help immediately. Suicide is not a solution to a situation that can be treated with the right therapy and/or medicine.

Answer 2

We all have had bad times in our lives. So you're not crazy. You need to find a few ways to cope with the depression, that's all.

Diaries are good. Meditation can help, so can positive affirmations. All three are ways to choose what your mind thinks about. If you take control of your thoughts, and choose not to feel bad, believe it or not, you can drive depression and suicidal thoughts away.

You know how if you try you can convince yourself that you feel sick? It works the other way too, you can convince yourself you feel great.

MEDITATION FOR DUMMIES is a good book, THE POWER OF POSITIVE THINKING is another. Your local library should have both. If not email me, I'll suggest other ones that are good too.

You're not permanently damaged. With a little work you'll be fine.

Try this. Remember the cursed diary in HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS? Think of a negative thought or bad memory you want to get rid of. Feel it like a dark sludge stuck in your head you want to get rid of.

Feel the sludge ooze out of your head, down your arm, and out your hand as you write about the memory onto a piece of paper. Write the memory or thought until you feel the sludge has poured out of your body into the paper. The paper holds that evil thought now.

Take the paper holding that thought and destroy it. Tear it up, burn it, scatter the ashes to the wind. That evil thought is now gone from your mind and your life.

Trust me, it works.

If you ever need someone to talk to, I'd be glad to listen.

Answer 3

You sound like you were molested, and sorry if that is the case. If you were violated, then of course you are going to feel bad and angry at times. The best way to have freedom from the sins of others, is to forgive them, and move on, and let God and Jesus, take care of the perpertrator. I know it sounds hard to do, but if I can do it, so can you. I was never molested, but something else happened, and I forgave them. The Lord takes away the pain, and the memories, and you will go on with your life a better person for it, knowing that God won't let you down and will send His angels to protect you, when you put your faith in Him and Jesus...God Bless and good luck

Answer 4

It is very normal to want to see a therapist and a very healthy step in understanding yourself better. I am surprised that your mom won't let you go...maybe she is afraid of the stigma that people attach to therapy. But you can try to let her know that going to therapy is extremely helpful and a very positive thing to do. If she still won't listen, I recommend going to a teacher or administrator in school and ask to talk to your school psychologist. It is his/her job to help students with issues they have in their life. If you don't get a chance to talk to someone at school, ask your mom to see your doctor. You can talk to your doctor about depression and he/she will help you find someone to talk to.

I am glad you are mostly out of your depression. I have had depression for many years and I completely understand how much depression hurts. I saw a therapist and it really helped me sort through my problems. I am now working towards a degree in counseling so that I can help others. I truly believe in the healing power of therapy. I wish you lots of luck and happiness. And remember, you are a normal human being. You have been through a rough time and it will take time to heal; you are by no means permanently damaged.

Answer 5

speak to u'r school counsler.
u r doing the r thing, u'r mother is wrong. she may still have the mentally ill stigma, old fashion.
i've gone before, what a big help and just started going again because i'm sickly and have lots of drs an appts, surgeries. i have 1-2 serious surgeries before the holidays so they will be painful days.
good luck and stay strong. i find when i feel bad i force a walk, when i can. many theripist enforse this.

Answer 6

It seems to me ur parents don't care, with that in mind you hafto get help by your self talk to your teacher, counselor, i can go on and on and go before it gets to that point where you can't hold on anymore. I hope for the best.