I just lost my cat of 20 years. I know that is a long time for a cat and he had a good life with me. BUT,,,,?

Question

I am worried about my other cat that has been together with him for 15 years. She seems to purr constantly now and I know that she must feel the loss. I'm trying to spend more time with her. Any suggestions? My daugher wants to buy me a kitten and I don't want another cat to replace him. This was very difficult for me and I see that people who do not have animals don't always understand this. So if you don't have anything nice to say then please don't.

You are all so wonderful and have made me feel really good with your regrets, suggestions and the poem. I was holding Milo while being driven to the vets when he died in my arms. If the best thing to do was to put his down I would of held on to him until the end. I am having him cremated. Here I go crying agin.

Answer 1

I am so sorry for your loss!!! I have 6 cats, my oldest will be celebrating his 12th birthday in October, I can't imagine what we will do when he goes! There are two things you need to think about, one, your grieving, and two, your cats grieving. If your other cat is eating, and behaving fairly close to normal, don't worry about her, just spend special time with her, give the both of you some time. If she's not doing well, maybe she just needs more time, or maybe you can try a buddy. Try a shelter with a selection of older cats (which she is more used to), or maybe a totally fresh little kitten is just what both of you need. (Their antics will keep you laughing at least:) Your daughter loves you, but only you will know when the time is right to add another member to your family.

I lost my only kitty over 10 years ago, and decided not to get another one for awhile. (My heart was broken, vet didn't know what went wrong.) I was walking home one day, and heard this awful sound, turns out it was a cat, skin & bones, & filthy. I took him home to give him a warm place to die (he loked that bad!) Well, he will be with me 10 years on Oct. 12th, and the best cat I've ever had! God sent him to me, maybe he'll do the same for you!

Answer 2

I just went through the same thing a couple of months ago. My simba died in my arms at the vet as he had to be put down right away because of a kidney tumor.There is no easy answer and everyone handles grief their own way. I cried for a couple of months and kept thinking something was wrong with me. I also have another cat that was his buddy, he is still showing signs of the loss but he seems better now. I said I did not want any more pets after that, but then decided to get a kitten for my other cat. Well, it did not help him much, he is getting through his own way, just keep giving him lots of love and attention and that is all you can do.The pain does get better with time. When i got my kitten actually I ended up with 2 kittens, I did not want them to look anything like my Simba. I felt like I would be expecting them to take his place, so i got totally different kinds.They will never replace my first cat in my heart but i am learning to love a pet again. cry, scream, do whatever makes you get through it, it is a member of your family you lost, not just a cat

Answer 3

Your boy was obviously extremely well cared for and loved to live so long.

Yes, give your girl plenty of attention she's lost a partner too and doesn't understand.

Unfortunately nothing but time will make it much better. It was a year before I was ready to even think about another cat after my 16 year old female died 2 years ago and my male died one year ago in March.

You've already said it, but the only thing that actually consoled me was that I knew that my cat knew she was loved until the moment she died. And I knew she had a good life because of me. Your other cat will be a constant reminder that your boy is gone and she's alone, but also a consolation because she will help you get through this. She's going to be more affectionate and you're going to need that.

This may not be important to you but it was to me. When my first cat died I had her cremated and put in a little urn. I though that would be nice. Well it wasn't. Every time I saw that thing I felt sick. When my second cat died I buried him in my yard even though the ground was still partly frozen. I sprinkled the ashes of the first cat in the grave. It gave me such peace knowing that he and she were together again and were right outside.

People who don't have or love animals won't understand your grief. It's their loss that they never knew the love of a cat ;(

Answer 4

I am sorry for your loss. Losing a cherished pet is like losing a family member, and I am sure your other car is missing him too. I like the suggestion a previous poster made about a blanket or something he used to sleep on to help this cat through the next little while. Even as people we do things like that when someone we love dies. It is probably too soon for another kitten unless you feel you are ready. Everyone is different in that regard. Time is the best healer. Try not to leave this cat alone too much for the next little while, and continue as you are doing. Take care. It will take a while, but you will have better days and so will your pet.

Answer 5

I'm sorry for your loss, it's a very painful experience when a beloved pet dies. No matter what their age, we all wish we could have had more time with them.

How your remaining cat reacts to the absence of your older cat, will depend upon how close they were. If they were good friends who'd formed a strong bond, then she will miss him and may spend time calling or looking for him. Spending more time with her will help comfort her. A new cat would be seen as an intruder to her "territory" and may just be another source of stress to her at the moment, so I would wait a while before you decide whether to adopt another companion for her.

If their relationship was more one of toleration, then she may enjoy her new found status as the only cat. Years ago I adopted two kittens from the same litter and as they grew older, they had very little to do with each other. (The male always played too rough for the gentle female). When the male died unexpectedly aged 8, I was surprised that his sister showed no signs whatsoever of missing him. If anything she became more confident and sociable. My vet told me that it wasn't an uncommon reaction, and that very often the personality of a shy cat may blossom once a bullying or more dominant cat is no longer around.

The web article "When Cats Grieve" by Sarah Hartwell has lots of information and advice which will help you and your cat.

http://www.messybeast.com/cat-grief.htm

Answer 6

I lost my cat, who unfortunately only lived 12 years :( and she left behind an 11 year old "sister." She needed tons of attention, but even though my older baby died a year ago I have yet to get a kitten -- I know for my cat it would stress her beyond belief. Yes, she would love my other cat to be here, but she is terrified of new cats. I may get another cat later, but I need her to be secure and happy for now, and she is doing well with me for now. I would be wary of jumping to get a new cat too fast, if your cat is similarly sensitive and may think the new cat is a replacement and she is not enough by herself. And, it also helps with a cat that is 15, to get another older cat. Kittens will stress and upset them, which is a situation that happened at my parent's house. The kitten wanted to play rough, and the old lady kitty didn't feel up to it and it stressed her, which did not help when a heart condition reared its ugly head. But follow your heart, everyone's situation is different. I am sorry for your loss, it will be hardest hte first couple of weeks. But put together a photo album, Web site, or just talk to your kitty -- he is still there, just not in physical form, trust me. Take care.

PS,. PURRING IS NOT ALWAYS A SIGN OF A 'HAPPY, HEALTHY' PET AND THAT COMMENT IS IGNORANT. KFAULT YOU SOUND VERY IGNORANT ABOUT PETS (and your advice is horrible, cats CAN bond tremendously, like mine did -- they hugged and played constantly). It of course often used when cat say they are happy and relaxed. But it is also a sign that a cat is destressed or sick and trying to make themselves feel better. My cat purred a lot as she died, luckily she was in a coma most of that time, but please don't assume a purring cat is happy when there is something serious like this going on.

Answer 7

I understand. I think my cat of fifteen years is on her way out and it hard to know what to do. Spend as much time as you can with the other cat. Also I agree about what you say about not getting a new one right away. Here is a nice poem, I hope it helps.
Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of Heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor;those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing: they each miss someone very special, someone who was left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; his eager body begins to quiver. Suddenly, he breaks from the group, flying over the green grass, faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into those trusting eyes, so long gone from your life, but never absent from your heart. Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together...

Author Unknown

Answer 8

I'm sorry- I sympathize with you, as we also lost a cat recently to old age.

We had three- his sister (twelve years old) and a younger cat (about three) were the other two. They both seemed to miss him in different ways- we recently got a kitten, as we thought it would help with their sense of someone "missing" from their lives.

It helped a lot- but our three were quite social and welcoming to new cats- not all cats are that way.

Spending time with your cat is a good thing- if there was always another keeping it company during the day (and you're working away from home) the best thing you can do is make sure she's occupied iwth something. When you're gone, give her toys that smell like the other cat, or something she really likes (like toy mice). Make sure she's not becoming lethargic as a result of not having someone to play with.

What you do about getting anoter cat is completely up to you. A lot of it has to do with your cat's personality (are they more social or do they like to be alone?) as well as how you feel about welcoming a new cat into your life.

Again, my condolences for your loss.

Answer 9

I am so sorry for your loss of your cat. 20 yrs is a long life and I bet he was happy! Your other cat may miss him for now, but will adjust and you do not need to find him another kitten buddy if you don't want to. Cats are very independent and he will make adjustments to the other cat's being gone, just as you do. Spend a few extra mins with him brushing or playing with him every day and I bet you both will feel better.

Answer 10

i'm terribly sorry about your loss. i dont know what i would do if i lost nicki my cat.

even though i know its hard for you and you are dealing with your loss. you have to think about the other members of your family. i dont think that getting a new kitten will be replacing the one that you lost.

listen your other cat will pass away as well if you dont get it a friend soon. believe me. the other cat will not eat. start peeing pooing around the house. it will cease to want to live.

think about your daughter, if shes' young like a teen even. dont you think she might have a hard time losing both the cats?

the fact that you are spending a lot of time with this other cat is really good but. it need's a companion just like we do. i mean we have great pet's but they cant compare with a real person to fall in love with. the cat needs its own kind to take care of.

give the cat a reason to live get it a kitten. please

i hope that you will be ok. and again i'm sad for you for your loss.

just think its in heaven, yeah?

hope this was helpful