I am getting married in a month and when planning the guest list...had only 50 invitations to work with based on what my fiance and I can afford. We started with main family members (moms, dads, grandparents, aunts/uncles, and some cousins, and used the remainder for close friends. Now my family feels the need to upset me and critique the family members I did and didn't send an invite to. My fiance and I are paying for our own wedding so I think it's fair for us to invite who we want to spend the day with. Is this wrong of me to assume? My family brings along a lot of drama and I feel like my wedding day should be spent celebrating my fiance's and my relationship and committment....not arguing over distant relatives that didn't get an invitation. Ugh.
2007-09-29 16:26:02 · 34 answers · asked by Burned 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You are completely, spot-on, right. I understand that due to budget, you can't afford to invite just anyone and everyone. It's not your family's right to judge who you invite, especially seeing as they are not contributing to any of the cost. You just need to give them a gentle reminder that the guest list is up to you and you are doing what you want, that you can't afford to invite everyone, that if they give you some money, you can have extra people (they may want to pay for some people) and like you said "my wedding day should be spent celebrating my fiance's and my relationship and commitment....not arguing over distant relatives that didn't get an invitation". Stay firm, it is your wedding, not their's.
2007-09-30 01:02:14 · answer #1 · answered by BTB2211 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you family wishes to invite different people, calculate the per person price for inviting them and tell them they can pay that to invite them. Don't forget to include everything.
On the other hand, since this is a lot of work for you, I would just say that you wanted a limited guest list and these were the people that you really wanted there, that were really special to your and your family. Don't be angry or bitter about it. Sound sad that you couldn't invite crazy Aunt May or whatever, but it meant you would have had to take someone else special off the list like a really close cousin.
I have a feeling my dad is going to want to invite more people when I show him what the guest list is. I have already warned him that I don't want too many people, that my fiance's family isn't very big, and that my dad's side of the family already constitutes a lot of invitations. You're right, if I wanted to invite 300 people I'm sure I could find them and send invites. It doesn't mean, though, that I really really want them to be there to witness our wedding.
You can also remind your family that, to guests, a wedding is an expense, at least in gifts, if not in travel, clothing, babysitters, and the like. People who aren't close to you might prefer just to get an announcement in the paper.
2007-09-29 16:39:44 · answer #2 · answered by Meredith 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a while until the wedding. You don't know if they will still be together then or not. Don't bunch the undies until it's time to send invitations out. And for good manners and etiquette reasons - you cannot not include your best man's significant other - if she is still with him. You cannot do this "politely". Or not "rudely". You simply cannot have it both ways. Sure, it's your day - but know this. No wedding comes off as perfect. You say you are not fond of her. Is it just because she is an "ex"? She probably is a very nice girl. Sounds like she is in a relationship with someone else that is working out if the child is comfortable enough to call him "dad". Hard to find a fiance that doesn't have an ex somewhere. If he hasn't had anything to do with her in a very long time - you are over reacting. You simply can't exclude the best man's girlfriend without coming off as rude and petty. And hurting his feelings. Which will strain the relationship between your fiance and his best man. Which could have long term implications. You really can't expect your best man to come, spend the day, party in the evening without his significant other, can you? A wedding is one day. A marriage is forever. Do you really want to start your marriage by causing hurt feelings and such? He is marrying you. He feels nothing for the other girl. By his own admission it wasn't much to begin with. Take the high road.
2016-05-17 06:47:41 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If that's all you can afford, that's all you can afford. There is nothing wrong with having a small wedding and not inviting distant relatives. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice gesture but it would be a bad idea to invite all these people and go into debt just because your family thinks you need to invite EVERYONE to YOUR wedding. And even if you have the money, there is still nothing wrong with what you two want. Just tell them, this is our wedding, we're paying for it ourselves and these are the only people we can include. Maybe add that you would have liked to invite everyone but money is an issue. Also, if you want, you can tell them if they want those other people to be invited that they will have to pay for them otherwise they have no say in anything. Just be straight forward with your decision don't don't give in.
2007-09-29 17:25:31 · answer #4 · answered by Mekana 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ask the parent if they would like pay to have the ones they want come to the wedding.
I am getting married in April and my fiance' has said he was not able to invite the cousins he wanted to his first wedding, because the parents - on both sides - invited all the aunts & uncles and left the cousins out.
Ask your parents if there were people at their wedding that would have preferred not to be there and if there were people they would have invited had they had the say, I am sure they answer to both will be Yes!
Then tell them that you would like to remember your wedding day in a different way to them!
2007-09-29 18:41:46 · answer #5 · answered by AussieLady 58 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm a wedding planner and this works each time: You could sort of announce to everyone that you really had a hard time deciding whom to choose to invite, so you, as a couple, settled on the criterion that you are only inviting those whom you have seen or heard from for the past six months (or 1 year, depending on how many people this criterion disqualifies). This means that an aunt, for example - whether that's a distant aunt or your mom's sister - if she never gave you the time of day, then she doesn't deserve to be invited.
2007-09-29 16:31:50 · answer #6 · answered by angie p 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Because you are both paying for your wedding, they should butt out but be kind. Let them know that you would love to invite everyone but it's not in the budget. Remind them that it is YOUR wedding ....not their wedding. The wedding is about the two of you uniting as one and mature people should understand that. If they don't.........it's their problem not yours. Be sure to thank anyone who helps with the wedding and make them feel wanted and important. Being kind but firm, will go over better. Best wishes and may you have a long and happy marriage!
2007-09-29 16:58:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I completely agree with you. I am also only having 50 people and I already know I'm going to be heard crap from all four sides of the families. (Both of us have divorced and remarried families....) What you need to remember is that it's YOUR wedding. You are paying for it and it's your decision who to invite. Do as you wish and the family members who can't understand that will have to get over it.
2007-09-29 16:41:51 · answer #8 · answered by Loki's Mommy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
STAND FIRM!! Since they are not paying, they don't get a say.. Believe me, when I got married my mother in law made everything a living HE double hockey sticks.
I hope you have a beautiful wedding. When all else fails, tell them you will elope and use the money and go to Hawaii and get married on the beach with a couple of local yokels as the witness'. Have a beautiful day.
:)
2007-09-29 16:30:08 · answer #9 · answered by beanhead1972((14HIM)) 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Almost every bride goes through this with either her family or her fiancees (some unlucky ones get flack from both). This is the time for you to stick to your plans and develop a who cares what you think attitude. Smile at their suggestions while thinking to yourself, "I don't care." Then breathe deeply. It'll be all over when the wedding day comes.
2007-09-29 16:43:19 · answer #10 · answered by Jasmine808 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋