7 year old hell raiser?

Question

my daughter is 7 she will be 8 in jan and she is so angry with me and her dad she is fine with everyone else but as soon as she gets home hell breaks loose. she is mean and hateful and worse of all is her smart mouth ! we have spanked grounded taken away privlages and nothing seems to help. noone else has any problems with her just us and if we are around she is just down right rude and disrespectful i need help or im gonna go crazy any suggestions ?

i am a stay at home mom she does have a 2 year old brother but when i want to spend time alone with her it ends very quickly she tells me she hates me and wishes i were dead. one minute she is fine the next its like she is posessed then all is fine again

Answer 1

Dont spank, take off your belt and whup. She only does this because she wants to test your jets, see how hot they're are going to get. Talk to her for about 3 hours until she's completel fed up with the conversation. And everytime she gets her smart mouth bop her in it. It don't hurt but it dtings. Take the back of your hand kinda hit her with like you move your hand from reflex.

Answer 2

Well, the fact that she bothers to misbehave around you shows that she hasn't given up on you yet. It's not worth the effort to misbehave at school, she doesn't see any reason to. She's misbehaving at home because she sees that it's going to get her somewhere. She is needing something, and badly. That may be attention, understanding, feeling loved, it could be anything. Sit her down and talk to her. Let her know that you're listening. (Do this when she's calm, not while she's in the middle of a screaming fit.) Be sure to listen to her. And really think about what she's saying....7 year olds may not always be as clear as they'd like to be. If she says "You don't love me." You say " You think I don't love you?", not "That's not true sweetie, we love you very much." Saying that will only frustrate her, because she hears you saying her feelings are wrong. Ask her why she thinks you don't love her. Pay attention to what she says, and read into it a little. I'm willing to bet that it will all boil down to her not feeling like she's being heard. I'm basing this on the fact that she behaves in public, and her age. She's getting older, going from a little kid to a big kid. She's having a lot of new thoughts and feelings, and it's probably hard for her to express them sometimes. So make it as easy for her as possible to express herself. Tell her if she's uncomfortable discussing things with you, that you will buy her a journal, or that she's allowed to discuss things with an aunt or someone else you both trust. The deal is, she can talk to this person about anything, and that person will not tell you what she has said. And be honest about it. You need to make sure to pick someone that you trust to handle the problem the same way you would. Just giving her this offer will probably help her open up. It just sounds like she's got a lot of pent up feelings that are coming across only as aggression.

Answer 3

Spanking her and grounding her will only make her more hateful. I think that she is probably acting this way because there is a problem going on at school. Try talking to her teacher to see if anything unusual has been going on in the classroom setting (or even asking your kid why she is treating you like that).

Answer 4

Spanking her and taking away what keeps her entertained will only worsen her.

Sit down with her, talk to her, ask her whats the matter. Spend some quality time with her and reasonably take care of a situation and do not over react. She's probably looking for attention and will cause hell to get it. If you are to pay attention to her more and play games or do whatever she likes to do with her she'll more then likely stop being so snotty.

Answer 5

It seems the worse the kids act, the more they are asking for love, comfort, boundries & conquences.

7 yr. olds are smarter than you think. Tell her that there will be a family meeting. Set a buzzer or alarm when it is time. Then she isn't fighting you about the time. You can even help her set the alarm. Both mom & dad need to be totally on the same page. YOU are NOT to even discuss your disagreements of how to treat her in front of her. She needs the solidarity. She also needs to know that she can't pit one parent against another parent.

Then together talk about what things are like when you all come together. Don't put all the blame on her. Make a chart of the negitive things and write then down in a row. Then go back and you all pitch in on what can be done to change that negative behavior. The next step is conquences for this behavior. Your 7 year old can have some input but you have the final say. You know what usets her. For instance my daughter hated to be put in her room and spend time alone. She was and is a people person. My two boys on the other hand really enjoyed the quiet time in their room. Thus.....It was a good punishment for my daughter but not for the boys.

Be sure that the conquenses arn't so horrible that you end up with no where else to go. She is just seven And seven minutes sitting in the laundry room or where ever.You just might want bo buy a kitchen timer to place out of reach of your child so that they can't change it but can hear it.

While you are having the origional talk. Ask each person, mom , dad & daughter- how it makes them feel when there is crying and screaming and upset. You personallly might say that you love her so much and am glad to see her, but you get very sad and feel very hurt when she gets so loud and disrespectful. Have dad say the same thing. And haver your daught answer the same question. Just listen to her. Remind the whole family that just because you are listening you aren't agreeing.The issues can be discussed after everyone has listened.

She might be angry about some kids at school picking on her, Or angry that she doesn't get enough attention from you,
she might not even know the reason or know how to put it in to words. But I wouldn't be suprised if she too would welcome a happier homecoming.

She spends many hours from you. Make a space of time for each parent can spend time with her. If she breaks one of the rules she doesn't get that time.

Spend time talking to her on a secen year old level. If she says she hates her teacher. Say backto her what she said.
"you are unhappy with your teacher" this will make her think
wow mon and dad are really listening to me. Then ask her how she thinks things can change. ask her if you can offer any ideas. Sometimes she just needs to adapt to how things are..Sometimes life is hard. AS a parent you will have to decide what things to get invlved in and what not to get in to.


Concerning her smart mouth. Does she hear this from the adults she lives with.? Do you parents need to set a better example? I am not saying I am in agreement of this.....my mother put a bar of soap in my mouth and made sure some was scraped on my teeth. That instantly put an end to my smart mouthing.

You might want to try taping her when she is like this. Then sit down with her and ask her if that seems like a respectful way to be. You might have to explain to her what some of these words mean, Respect, honor. etc

With kids this age, it is best for the punishment to be instant. If you ground her from cartoons on Saturday.......there will be a stretch between her bad behavior and saturday. By Saturday she will not remember why she is actually being grounded but is just plain old upset with it.
8 minutes for her in her room or wherever you have chosen to have her time outs. Another thing you can do is have a jar of good times...like Daddy reads a book, Ice Cream- Take them out with each time the she does a wrong. There are lots of things you can do.

My daughter came up with something very wise. Instead of saying to her daughter "if you don't calm down we would go outside" It is much better to say "When you calm down we will go outside" That usually makes a kid calm down quickly.
And it it takes them a long time....tell them, well you had your chance, it has been 20 and now we can't go outside.

Kids are really good at twisting your words. And us parents weren't given a How to care for a child book.

if you can write me back and let me know if it works.
Remember it is of most importance to never ever give in on your rules. If you do once or twice they figure if they torturu you enougth they can get you to bend.

Answer 6

The New Strong willed Child by Dr. James Dobson saved my life!
Also with older kids they sometimes feel like they arent heard, and this sounds funny but if you do it right it works, give them a thought box that they can write to you and your husband how she feels and whats on her mind and then sit down with her before bed and read them together and talk about everything. That could help alot and make her feel like she is heard and you understand her.

Answer 7

I highly suggest, "To Train Up a Child" by Michael and Debi Pearl and "The New Strong Willed Child" by Dr. James Dobson.

Answer 8

i have the same issues. i am constantly having notes sent home from my sons teachers saying how wonderful and well behaved he is. at home he is a holy terror. my husband said i should be thankful he is behaving in public and not vice versa. sometimes children like to test the limits and who better to test than the ones they know will love them and provide for them no matter what. try sitting down and calmly talking with her. this method really works with my son. we he starts with the attitude and mean comments i calmly ask him how he would feel to be treated that way. i let him know that he has hurt me and that i do alot for him and i don't deserve to be mistreated. it really stops him in his tracks. usually then he will apologize and start behaving. it takes time but he is improving. good luck to you. it will get better.

Answer 9

Talk to her. And listen to what she has to say. Maybe something is bothering her. Maybe in school. Give her attention. Like think about the big picture...Does she have any siblings? Do you work long hours? Do you give her enough attention? ETC.

Answer 10

haha you suck i wish you would die mom :} jk
that suxs i was kinda like that when i was eight, put her down for naps, do time outs, yell, naughty bench, lock her in her room, sit her on the coach and tell her not to talke or stand,
take away tv , phone privalgys, friend privalys , take away restraunts , have a sticker chart with her name on it and every so many stickers she gets she wins a prize , earlier bed time till she behaves, ask teacher to take away recess , talk to her maybe its because the new baby ,maybe she thinks you love him more.. i hope the works