My best friend recently got married, and I was the Maid of Honor; I have not spoken to her since her wedding a month ago. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not, but I feel used and disgusted by her behavior up until the wedding.
First off, between myself and the bridesmaid, we spent close to $2000 on wedding materials (bought her favors, dresses, etc.) and the bride didn't seem to care how much we spent; to top it all off, the groom's side did not shell out one cent for the wedding.
Second, there were no "thank you" gifts at the wedding for us (not even a thank you for all of your efforts in her speech).
Third, I spent close to 8 hours preparing a slideshow and my efforts went unseen.
I guess my main question is, is it wrong of me to not want to speak to her (knowing her for 10 yrs), as I'm so angry that she had total disregard for me (MOH) and the bridesmaid? I'm just not sure how I should handle the whole thing, as it is not easy to confront her (pig headed).
2007-09-29 15:35:36 · 18 answers · asked by andjan82 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Thanks all for your input.
I am not concerned that I spent the money on the wedding, just that it went unnoticed.
The slideshow was seen by all (tons of praise from guests on it), just the bride didn't care.
She has always been like this (not sure why I'm surprised). Never says thanks when dinners, drinks, etc. are bought from others, etc. Birthdays and Christmas presents are accepted by her, but never given to others.
She only went on a 4 day honeymoon (been back for a couple of weeks).
I never expected a gift, but from what I've seen at other weddings, it's ignorant if you don't receive one.
She was not going to hand out favors at her wedding (how embarassing), that's why I piped up. I asked to her to pick a couple ideas out, she picked the most expensive she could think of from the options (only gave one option).
2007-09-30 04:49:07 · update #1
Alot of people on here think that it wasn't the bride's responsibility to make sure the groom's party was doing anything, which I have to disagree with.
Why did you and the bridesmaid dole out over $2000 when the other wedding party members didn't do anything? It sounds to me like you were used as a workhorse because the bride knew that your loyalty was unbreakable...until now. If the groom's party, in fact, didn't contribute at all, then I would be inclined to say drop the friendship, maybe not in a volitile way, and just go your seperate ways. I think you should ask the bride a few questions before making any rash decisions..
1) Did the groom's party do anything (financially or otherwise)
2) Does she know how much the wedding cost you and the bridesmaid personally?
3) Does she have any Updawg?
Sometimes it's better to cut your losses.
2007-09-30 08:15:01 · answer #1 · answered by crimson_fang7 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people really freak out over their wedding, how many bridezillas have you seen, when in their normal every day life they are perfectly nice people. It does seem very thoughtless of her not to even mention you in the speeches, I think the best man is supposed to do that, the brides speech is a fairly new thing and I've never seen a bride do a speech so I feel the best man should have mentioned the bridesmaids, that's how it is traditionally done anyway, although it would have been nice of her to say thank you also. I've never really understood that the bridesmaids are expected to buy their own dresses, it's not done that way where I come from but if that's how it is done where you live then she should have taken into consideration your incomes and what you can comfortably afford. You should expect a gift, OK most brides do give them, but it is not something you should expect. I can totally see why you are hurt and not wanting to talk to her, but really is it worth losing a good friend over one day?
2007-10-01 05:11:30 · answer #2 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. You did not have to buy the favors. Dresses yes, but favors are the bride and grooms part to pay for. This is the year 2007, so the brides side and the groom's side doesn't have to pay for anything. It should be the bride and groom paying for things.
2. Gifts should never be expected or required. I do not say yes to participating in a wedding with the expectation of a thank you gift. Did they thank you personally? Then that should be sufficient.
3. What do you mean by this? Did nobody watch it? Did nobody thank you? Was it played at the wedding? More details needed here.
IMO I do think it is a bit childish of you to not talk to her since you've been friends for at least ten years. Have you even brought your angst up with her? Or just avoided her?
You should talk to her.
2007-09-30 09:52:28 · answer #3 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would certainly be peeved but I don't think you should be giving her the silent treatment over this. On the contrary, if she is a good friend of yours I think you need to clear the air that you were just put off by not being thanked for your efforts. I wouldn't expect that she'd be too responsive-- I'm sure she thought she already thanked you-- but just so she knows.
I can't imagine ending a friendship over this, and here's why.
As for the rest:
You agreed to do the favors, that was silly of you. Lesson learned.
The dress is part of the deal. You should have said something if you were worried about the expense. Did you seriously wear a $1000 dress? You should have said that is too much.
You cannot ever expect presents. Doesn't work that way. Would be tacky to mention.
How much the groom's side contributed is irrelevant. None of your business.
Good luck. I hope you get your friendship back.
2007-09-30 00:01:07 · answer #4 · answered by Meredith 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hon, if you know the leopard has spots, why are you expecting stripes -
As you say, you knew....
I'm sure you were not required to spend the thousands of dollars - you must have taken upon something yourself!
And usually a mature couple pays for their own wedding, so it's not your place to care that the groom's side paid for nothing.
It's sad that the couple didn't thank the wedding party and the people who worked hard to help out - but you seem to be saying that's not out of the ordinary with her...
So you've been good friends for ten years because......???
2007-09-30 14:25:33 · answer #5 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, to be honest you kind of knew what you were getting into by helping out an already ungrateful friend. Maybe she just "expected" you to do everything for her without a thank you because you haven't said anything to her about it in the past.
Since you two have been friends for so long (and I'm assuming want to continue to be friends) you need to tell her honestly how you feel.
Write her a letter if she automatically goes on the defensive. It's hard to argue with a piece of paper :)
Good luck
2007-09-30 21:16:23 · answer #6 · answered by kiki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OH WOW!!!! You are a GREAT friend!!!!! You did ALL of that and not even a thank you???? What kind of friend is she??? And why should you call her???? The phone works both ways! You have all the rights to be pissed,I would be. I made a Wedding dress for my friend...I got the same thing you got. I put in a LOT of hours making it too. She wouldn't come for fitting(only once). It turned out great,but it would have been nice to get something more than a half heart thank you. We are no longer friends. I found out that she likes to use people
2007-09-30 00:11:42 · answer #7 · answered by whataboutme 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is very expensive to be in a wedding so you should have declined if you were concerned about the money. The bride should be glad you put so much into it but you are expecting special treatment. The lack of participation on the groom's side is not the bride's fault either. You should not expect thank you gifts. It's a nice thing to do but not required.
If you were a good friend you would be happy she was happily married and that you could be there to help celebrate the happy day.
2007-09-29 23:26:41 · answer #8 · answered by j 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Your friend is rude, simple. But you have to consider, it has only been a month since her wedding, she probably not long got back from her honeymoon and has been busy getting back into things after the wedding. She should call you soon. But if she doesn't call and ask how you are and thank you for everything you did, I would say she just used you and is no friend so wouldn't bother calling her.
2007-09-30 08:23:28 · answer #9 · answered by BTB2211 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would probably let it go. Ten years of friendship is a lot to toss away. You are totally justified in how you are feeling but as I've figured out people seem to be oblivious to their bad behavior regarding big events in their lives. If she has always been a little bit selfish and this put it over the top then make new friends. However, if it was just an isolated event in your friendship it's hard to replicate friendships that have meant so much to us.
2007-09-29 23:52:39 · answer #10 · answered by indydst8 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋