My counselor is teaching me how to be assertive and she said to say "Regardless I don't appreciate the way you treat me" and walk away. THat'll shut them up.
Huh how can that? There are situations where I want to say that but it sounds too stupid.
For example when my dad's around(I go to his house alot to help my mom raise her granddaughter(not mine). Well my dad would love to say "quit it" or "shut up" for no reason controlling me(he's also neglected me and abused me throughout my life). Anyway how is telling him "regardless I don't appreciate the way you treat me" assertive and smart?
Like for example tonight, he was getting his dinner and my neice was standing in his way and everyone was saying get out of the way and when I said "come here sweetie" he's like SHUT UP and QUIT IT (insert my name here).
Any assertive responses to say to make him stop treating me like a child or whatever you want to call it?
2007-09-29 14:38:13 · 7 answers · asked by Hydra Dragon 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think she gave that as an example, it doesn't work in all situations no, but the being assertive can. If he told you to shut up and quit it, you stand up, be as proud as you can be "I don't appreciate you telling me to shut up when I haven't done anything, I was just trying to get (insert neice's name) out of your way. You don't have to yell at me for no reason" Definitely turn it around on him and make him look foolish, after all you HAD been trying to help him out.
2007-09-29 14:46:56 · answer #1 · answered by Zyggy 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hes a therapist hes just trying to sound all-knowing and professional, and thats not what you need, you need someone in the same situation to help you with something like that, tell him regardless I dont appreciate the way you treat me and leave hahah, I know what you mean though about being in some sutuations where that would sound stupid, and thats the last thing a person needs. If they want to tell you to shut up then tell them to shut up back, or tell them somthing like, No you shut up, I hate the way you treat me, no matter how much I do for you, you have always treated me like crap, or something like that
2007-09-29 21:57:05 · answer #2 · answered by krisi 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I doubt anything will make such a individual "shut up". You sound like you are dealing with a very aggressive individual. I do think you need to tell him that it hurts your feeling to be treated that way, but you need to do that only for you. He probably will not hear or understand...he could get angrier. You need to vent it for your own sake. I wish there way a way you could separate from this situation, but in the mean time...when he says vile things , say, " I don't deserve to be treated that way." Say that to yourself all the time too...say it in your mind 24/7. You deserve to be loved.
2007-09-29 21:45:22 · answer #3 · answered by CherryCheri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some people (apparently your dad is one) will think making a statement like your counselor told you is ridiculous. It would be pointless with your dad i'm sure, and sound silly. From your description of your father he sounds an awful lot like mine, so i'll tell you how I handle him.
When my dad is outright nasty to me I just ignore him. I used to react when he was abusive or hateful towards me, and it just fed into it. Like a school yard bully, you just have to act like it doesn't bother you. I found when I did this that my dad slowly started to lay off of me. Now we have almost no relationship, and i'm sure it's because he can't get his kicks by hurting me. It may work with your dad, it may not. Give it a try though.
2007-09-29 21:45:23 · answer #4 · answered by Eraserhead 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
in that instance, instead of saying regardless, just look at him and say,.............. I don't appreciate the way you talk to me......... that is also assertive........ it doesn't have to always be verbatim.......... but it has to be consistent, let people know you don't appreciate being spoken to , or treated a certain way.
2007-09-30 10:02:09 · answer #5 · answered by bizzymom38 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, with some people "No, YOU shut up" works much better than what your therapist offered. But the principle is the same - don't take crap from people.
2007-09-29 21:42:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
it`s all about power, he either have power over you or you get your power back. this is a situation for you to learn to stand up for yourself and to show no fear while you do.
2007-09-30 06:36:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋