Through a paternity test, my boyfriend just found out last week that he is a father of a newborn. We are engaged to be married in a few months and I am having a hard time dealing with this unexpected situation. I am also disappointed in him because he is still denying that the child is his and is refusing to be in the child's life because the woman was in a relationship and had also accused another man as being the father. Should I go on with marrying him or move on?
2007-09-29 13:56:55 · 22 answers · asked by kakes 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Move on. He's a bum. If he's a creep to his son and ex-lover, what's to stop him from being a creep to you?
Good luck.
2007-09-30 14:19:46 · answer #1 · answered by kiki 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sweetie, you are having some serious doubts here, so please, do not get married just yet.
as hard as this is to do, you need to look at how he is reacting to the current situation. a paternity test is pretty darn good proof that he is the father and yet he refuses to acknowledge this child? does that sound like the type of man you want in your life forever more, and more importantly, does that sound like the type of man you want as the father of your children? if he can so easily dismiss what will be his first born, then he doesn't have much character.
if i were your mum, i would ask you to reconsider your plans to have this man in your life. he isn't good material sweetheart and i think you know this in your heart and are just having a hard time accepting it.
you know what to do, painful as it is, give back the ring, and close that door!
you don't need the heartache and even if he eventually accepts responsibility you will, for the next twenty years or so, be paying child support. and your wages will be counted with his when the courts consider what he should be paying.
good luck sweetie.
2007-10-03 19:24:20 · answer #2 · answered by wild thing 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A few months is not much time for the dust to settle on this.
First off, this is a prime example why people should not have sex before marriage. I won't elaborate because it won't help you now.
I don't know you but let's assume you are a wonderful woman about to give your whole heart and soul to your husband in marriage. I read nothing here to make me think differently.
IF you marry him you will be sharing him the rest of your life. This woman will be a major thorn in your side. For your marriage to survive would require you both to have extremely high morals and sense of committment. You fiancee' obviously doesn't have these traits.
Not only that, but he seems to have no sense of responsibility for a child he fathered. Doesn't sound like father / husband material to me.
It's very presumptuous for anyone to tell you what to do with your life via Answers. So let me ask you: Is this guy the ultimate, awesome example of a husband and father or have you had doubts and concerns before this. If you've had any reservations I'd say this is major confirmation and you should call off the wedding, break up with him permanently and never speak to him again.
Once you are free from this person, proceed with your life and try to find a man of integrity. Try looking for a guy who's willing to date you without sex. That's a great test of wether he's self-serving or he really cares for you and respects you.
2007-09-29 21:44:39 · answer #3 · answered by SolaFide 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You have to consider the fact that this baby is going to be in your lives at least financially for the next 18 years. Then, why is he still denying it after the DNA? I mean there's no more arguement about it. Then, he refuse to be a father. So, that makes me wonder what kind of man he is to do that. Did he cheat and produce this baby? He needs to at least come clean to move on. You have a lot to consider before making this step. Also, don't do it because you have made plans or because people are expecting you to marry him. Do it because it's the decision that you've made. You'll have to live with him, not anyone who judges you for calling it off. Good Luck!
2007-09-29 21:46:56 · answer #4 · answered by cunnitr 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Actually you have the answer to this question yourself. If the DNA proved tt your bf is the father of a newborn, do you think you will trust him after both of you get married? Even though the scenrio is in a mess but the basic thing a couples should have is trust and communication.
If you have lost the trust in your bf, the relationship won't last that long even both of you get married. it is a matter of time that this issue will be brought up by one party if there is a heated argument. Think over carefully if there is a point to get married for the sake of marriage.
2007-09-29 21:12:11 · answer #5 · answered by Clown & Joker 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi. I'm sorry about your unfortunate situation. But if you asked this question on YA, then you are OBVIOUSLY having doubts. If in doubt, then put it off.
That's not to say the two of you can't work it out. But c'mon....he IS the father and he is denying it? Tests like that aren't wrong. He now legally has an obligation to that child. I don't know how long the two of you have been together as you don't say, but in any case he was unfaithful to you.
He seems immature to me. It's best to put off the wedding until the two of you can work on trust issues and he can get his head on straight regarding being a father.
Good luck!
2007-09-30 10:48:52 · answer #6 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he conceived the child when he was with you, which is most likely seeing as it was only 9 months ago, that is cheating. If he is acting like he doesn't want any responsibility for the child then imagine what will happen if you get pregnant! I would not want to marry someone who is acting like this. They are not ready for marriage until they can be a lot more mature and grown up and accept responsibility. Plus I think if you marry him, you will have to deal with a whole lifetime of hassle. He should get involved in the child's life but maybe you should think about moving on. For my first marriage, and I'm not sure if it would be yours, I would not want to marry someone who has kids because I think they should have kids with me. Anyway it is up to you. Good luck!
2007-09-29 22:30:59 · answer #7 · answered by BTB2211 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If the paternity test indicates he is the father then he needs to admit it and take responsibility for the baby.
If he cannot I would highly rethink this relationship. If he cannot take responsibility for a child that paternity tests say is his, what else will he not take responsibility for?
If its that he doubts the paternity test results, he needs to pay for a paternity test of his own.
2007-09-30 10:22:54 · answer #8 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that your having doubts really should show you that your not ready to marry your partner. It doesnt mean that you have to cut all ties with him and move on but it seems that you both have several issues to discuss and work out together before making a life long commitment to each other.
2007-09-30 05:22:32 · answer #9 · answered by thedaddy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. Move on. You must marry a trustworthy and honourable man. What if that had happened to you? Would he take off? Deny it? He needs to grow up I am afraid.
Give the ring back, and say good bye.
2007-09-29 22:21:21 · answer #10 · answered by hopflower 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am not going to say to move on but DO NOT GET MARRIED! Just take some time to adjust to the situation and see what happens. Give yourself some time to see if you can handle the situation or want to be bothered with it. You may be able to handle it and see it through or you may not want to be bothered. All i am saying is give yourself the space you need to make a solid unregretful decision.
2007-09-29 21:13:00 · answer #11 · answered by Lana 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋