Hello All, I have posted here in the past and I must admit that I had gotten some really great support and answers, however here I am again with the same dillema. I just turned 4months with my baby boy..:) when I first learned that I was pregnant I was considering having an abortion. I decided to keep my baby. My problem is this I have been having ongoing problems with the father of my baby. He tells me that he wants the baby then as soon as he gets upset with me he tells me F*uck the baby and that he doesn't want it. which really hurts me because I want my son to know his father, and not only know him but have a good relationship with him. My baby father has a girlfriend, that I didn't know about until after I became pregnant, she keeps telling him not to come with me to my appointment, and he doesn't. My parents are telling me to not see him just to be done with him all together, I wish that it was that easy because I really want to..anyone with any suggestions on what I can do?
2007-09-29 13:56:54 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
sweetie, it sounds to me like you need to drop him like a hot potato. He doesn't respect you or your son and you two would be MUCH better off with out him. I know that it is easier said than done, but I think that is what you need to do. And I am applauding you for not getting an abortion, all babies are sooo... special.
2007-09-29 14:02:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard one but a few things you can do.
If he is no good for the baby and don't want to be in the baby's life or you know you can't trust him alone with the baby......
the best thing might be have daddy sign his rights over and be done with it. Take a good medical history and pictures of him "daddy's pictures birth to now" so your child can see his father but explain that sometimes in life people do what is best and you and daddy did what was best and signed his rights over. Life is hard but we "mommy and daddy" loves you so much we knew this was best!
Now for grandparents your choice if they stay in the baby's life. Might be a good thing...so they can have love all around. And if you get all rights to baby if daddy wants to see baby ITS ALL ON YOUR TERMS and he will never have rights to have the baby...you say no matter what! you can always work something out....
OR
talk to a lawyer and see what rights you both have. Get a good schedule of custody and make sure both of you never say anything negative about each other in front of the child. Make sure you sign legal documents what can and can not be done with baby...going out of state with out the others consent and more. Be picky and fine line the work!!!
After this baby becarefull choose a great birth control or something and when you date...he is not only datting you but you and your two kids. You have to think that way and be choose. Life is to short to stress over men...Spend that stress free time with your sweet amazing kids! Let the relationships grow as friends and dont jump in to bed.
2007-09-29 15:28:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can raise your baby by yourself and hey you can get child support from him and if he decides that he wants to be in your sons life than great. However, make sure he isn't one of these fathers that comes in and out of his life your son will need a stable environment. Good luck and stay strong. Try not to stress over his sorry butt. I know you would love to have him in your sons life but it may be better for your son if he isn't. If he is just going to keep changing his mind about it. A father is a father 24 hours a day. He can't keep popping in and out whenever he feels like it. Best wishes
2007-09-30 03:17:07 · answer #3 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sweetie,you really do not need the stress that this sperm donor is putting you and your baby through You have to move on with your life cut him out all together,he has moved on and you should too,i do not think that you should of had an abortion and i am glad that you did not,the baby is a blessing the sperm donor is not,does he even know what it takes to be a father ?getting someone pregnant does no make you father,a father is a MAN who loves his child unconditionally and would give their life for their child or the child's mother ,i do not think that this guy has it in him,so sweetie move on ,enjoy your baby ,it seems like you have a good support group in your family,that is what you and your child need now,i wish you luck,you will meet a MAN someday and you will know it ,this guy just isn' t it ,send a pic of you and the baby when you have him,good luck,check back if you need someone to talk to.
2007-09-30 00:30:51 · answer #4 · answered by john e 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Right now the most important people in your life, are you and your baby. The father of your child is obviously not going to be any help and is only causing problems, you should definitely remove him from the picture. Enjoy this time with your pregnancy, don't let some man ruin it for you. He says these things to you to hurt your feelings because he's being cruel and wants you to hurt, and that's no good for you. You don't need the added stress of all this.
2007-09-29 15:14:51 · answer #5 · answered by Zyggy 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am so sorry to read about your situation. But honestly, I think that you need to get rid of him. Everytime that he gets mad at you, he says that he doesn't want to be with you or the baby. You do not need someone like that around you, and do you really want someone so irresponsible to be around your son anyway. And I think that you should have him tell his girlfriend that she has nothing to do with this situation. It's not like she was in bed with you two, so she should not involve herself in this situation. Good Luck and I hope that he comes to his senses and becomes a better father than he has already proven himself to be.
2007-09-29 16:05:15 · answer #6 · answered by kat_kris2001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't add any more stress to yourself.
If the father can't deal then you are have to the be stronger one for your baby and do it yourself. You have your family and that is all that matters.
Just take care of yourself. Someday the baby's father will come to know his son. But for now you are all the baby has and needs.
2007-09-29 15:47:28 · answer #7 · answered by racegrrli 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay think about this for a minute, if he doesn't treat you right do you want to give him the chance to treat your child that way? He is disappointing you do you want that to happen to your child are you ready to pick up the pieces everytime he puts your child through that your job is to take care of yourself and your child who cares what his new girlfriend says if he was a real man he would be there for his child and not use the baby as a bargaining tool.
2007-09-29 19:09:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd tell him if he wants nothing to do with the care of your baby now, then to not contact you in 6 months when the baby is born. Then he'll be in for the shock of his life when he gets summoned to court for child support!! You can't force him to be a father, but you can make him pay his share of expenses.
You will definatly find someone who will love your baby as if it was his own. Good luck to you and congrats on your pregnancy.
2007-09-29 14:03:18 · answer #9 · answered by qυєєи of му cαsтlє ♥ 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Focus on doing it on your own. I know it seems SO much worse and it will kill you to see the loving husbands attached to pregnant women in the doc office. But you will be SO much better off. trust me, I have been there.
My husband was all gung-ho about the baby......til I was pregnant. he only ever came to 2 appointments.....the sonograms. that was it. He never bathed her, changed her, fed her........nothing.
needless to say we are now separated. he is better with her now. she is 18 months old now......he is finally getting used to her. Looking back, I would have been SO much better on my own. without the stress of a failing relationship. it was so hard to take care of the baby on my own AND struggle with him......looking back, it really would have been easier on my own.
I am not going to lie to you, having a new baby is hard. But at least if it is just the 2 of you, you can adjust to it more easily. sleep when the baby sleeps, learn to love the late night TV when you are up all night with the baby. Buy what you can gently used to save money, and take it easy those early weeks. I did so much trying to cook/clean/take care of HIM that I opened my stitches and took even longer to heal. Don't do it. Just lay down, out your feet up, and hold the baby........that is all you need to do in the first weeks anyway.
as the baby gets older, it gets better. You will have ALL the love and attention. You will get to raise your baby your way. no fighting about schedules, discipline, etc.....you will be able to raise your baby in a safe, happy, consistent family where he will know what to expect. You don't need the on again/off again stress of this relationship. and neither does your son.
My daughter has a good relationship with her dad. he spends time with her when he wants to. But I don't stress about it. Very night we come home to our own apartment, decorated how we want, safe, childproofed. I am so much more happy and relaxed since I got out on my own.........you will be too.
It will be hard, especially because you will think it would be better if only..........but don't focus on "if only".......focus on you and the baby and you will be fine....
2007-09-29 14:38:13 · answer #10 · answered by ShellyLynn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋