my daughter is a flower girl in a wedding along with another little girl, what should i do?

Question

money is tight for the other little girls family so she is wearing a "hand me down" dress that is kind of old fashioned. I have bought my daughter a brand new dress which is really beautiful. and the mother has already approached me and said that she doesnt want my daughter to still the show bec she doesnt have enough money to buy her "fancy things" so what should i do ? take my daughters dress back or keep it?

okay the bride is strapped for cash too. and has had everything donated.i had my reservations about my daughter being in the wedding bec of this. i would be more than willing to buy the little girl a dress but i know that the mother would turn it down and say that "i think im better and she doesnt need my help."

i even invited the mother to come along shopping and i was going to pay for the dress and she was like "no that's okay she has dress that she is going to wear."

it gets worse... the dress is being mailed to the other mom from another relative. she doesnt even know what it looks like! i swear.... it's true.

Answer 1

The bride should have informed you both of the dress she would like her flower girls to wear. I would talk to the bride and let her know what is going on. They should have matching dresses if it is a formal wedding, but otherwise, I see no problem with them not matching. Also, how old are these girls?? Chances are they won't even notice the difference in dresses. Also, I can't imagine you daughter would "steal the show" just by wearing a new dress. Sounds like mom is feeling guilty she can't afford a new dress for her daughter. I would keep the dress, otherwise what are you going to do, hunt every Goodwill in town to see if you can find a dress?????? The other mom should just get over it.

Answer 2

Take the 2 girls shopping together and try to find a nice simple dress that they can get that matches then if the other mother still needs a little money help you can offer some from the money you saved returning the other one. Maybe you moms can add a little ribbon or something.
I think the other mother was not trying to be rude, she was protecting her daughter (what if the other little girl had some super-fancy designer dress that made your dress look drab? Would you try to keep up with the Jones' or just be honest and say I simply can't afford something that fancy, is there something else we can do?)
I respect you for wanting to make your daughter feel pretty and wear a nice dress for the wedding, but I also respect the other mother that was honest enough to say I can't afford to do that.
I wouldn't deny your daughter a new dress, but maybe take into consideration how the 2 will look next to each other (then picture the 2 girls in opposite dresses).
Talk to the bride and see what she suggests.
Good luck.

Answer 3

You know, this is a tough situation. And it was generous of you to offer to buy the other little girl a dress, but it is also understandable that the family did not want to accept.

I would think that the thing to do is to remember that everyone is celebrating a sacred union, and shouldn't go into debt or spend the grocery money to do so. If you are significantly better off than everyone (or at least than the bride, and the family of the other flower girl, which is enough), it is natural that you might want to be sensitive to that.

I know her dress must be beautiful, but perhaps this isn't the occasion for it. I agree with the folks who suggest buying a dress that seems to go better with the dress that the other little girl will be wearing.

I guess the other child's mother was a bit incorrect to mention it. It would have been more politic to have the bride discuss it with you, particularly since she probably would have objected just as much to any obvious disparity between the girls. I think each having her own dress is sweet, but they shouldn't look like they come from different social classes.

Answer 4

Hi. This is out of your hands. Inform the bride and/or her mother. I'm actually surprised that the bride just let each of you pick out a dress. Usually, if there are 2 flower girls, it's nice to have matching dresses. I don't know what to tell you other than to turn the matter over to the bride and see what she wants to do.

Perhaps you can come to a happy medium? Maybe between you and the bride you can buy the other little girl a dress? Just an idea.

Edit: Ok, I just saw your added notes. If the bride is strapped too....then it doesn't leave you any choice. I would keep the dress for your little girl. If you want, offer the other mother to buy her girl a dress, and if she refuses, so be it. But, keep the dress for your girl.

Answer 5

You bought your daughter a pretty dress, and she should wear it.

If money is tight for the other family, then they should not have agreed to let their daughter be a flower girl. They should have politely declined, explaining to bride and groom that they were unable to afford it.

I think you should approach the bride with this problem. Tell her you were/are willing to buy the other child a dress, but fear it will offend the mother. I think you should let the bride handle this one. As Amy P suggested, perhaps she can present a new dress quietly, as a gift to the child? Or she can speak with the mom, explaining that whatever your daughter wears is not her (the other mom's) decision, and in no way takes away from the other girl.

Little girls are cute, no matter what they are wearing. I think other mom is way out of line, and should never have said a word about it to you. You work hard, and should be able to buy your child whatever you wish. My advice is let bride handle this one.

Answer 6

Well I can understand the other mother's concern, and while it is a difficult position to put you in it is a horrible feeling to not have the money to make your child look the same as someone she will be standing next to in public. I think the most gracious thing you could do is ( if you can afford it ) buy the other girl the same dress and talk to the bride or her family about it ( whoever is paying for the wedding ) and see if they won't present the dress to the mother as if it came from them.... You could consider it your wedding present or contribution to the bride.
I know it is asking a lot of you, and technically it is not your responsibility to do this. I just think it would be an amazing and wonderfully generous gesture ( especially if you do it without taking credit by having the brides family "provide" the dress to the other mother to give to her child)

Answer 7

I thought flower girls were supposed to be in matching dresses? Not sure about that. Anyway I would probably just ask the bride and see what she says. You could keep the dress for another special occasion and try to get a dress that matches the other? If the other flower girl's family couldn't afford to get a really good dress and the bride wanted the girl in the wedding, she should have paid for the dress herself, that would have been better. Talk to the bride anyway.

Answer 8

I really think there's nothing that you can do. I mean it's unfair for the mom to say that to you. In that case she shouldn't have accepted the invite for her daughter to be in the wedding. I mean, what can you do?! You're not going to have your daughter looking like a ragamuffin because of the other flower girl. You've done all you can do. What if you get a dress like your daughter's and give it to the bride to give as a gift to the mother? She won't know that it came from you. The bride has to be close with the woman to have her daughter in the wedding. Good Luck!

Answer 9

You should keep it. That was incredibly rude of the mother to say that to you. Your daughter is not going to steal the show because of her dress. I think that the bride should have purchased dresses if she knew that one of the flower girls wouldn't be able to afford them.

Can I make another suggestion? When my cousin got married, his mother sewed dresses for the bridesmaids and junior bridesmaids. If you have a seamstress in the family, perhaps she can do that, if the bride is willing to shell out a little for fabric and a simple pattern. Really, this isn't your problem to deal with. I understand that everyone is having financial difficulties, but if the bride and groom can't afford to have a huge wedding, then they should cut down, rather than expecting everyone else to take care of it. It is really gracious of you to offer to buy a dress after she was so rude to you. It's really not your responsibility to worry about.

Answer 10

You could buy it and have the bride give it to the other mom. As if the bride bought the matching dress as a nice gesture, or as if that is what the bride wanted. She doesn't have to know it came from you.