If you think someones teenage kids are bad, do you blame the parent's or the kid's?

Question

Please keep in mind that NO ONE ELSE thinks that my girls (from a previous marriage) are bad. They are 14 & 16. They love each other. The rest of my family and even their teachers love them.
My husband tells me daily things like: "The oldest thinks that she's the boss of the house." "He can't live in a house that the kids run" He doesn't feel welcome in the livingroom, so he won't even go out the front door. He even told me the other day that he will be glad when they have children of their own and ask how to handle a problem. Then he can tell them,"Handle it like your mother, don't do anything."
BUT...this SAME MAN, when I'm sad that he thinks I've been such a bad mother, says that I've been a good mother. It's not my fault that they've chosen to be rebelious.
When you think someones kids are bad, don't you blame the parents? And with his recent statement, doesn't it sound like he really does too?

He has a son in prison and a daughter (19) with 2 illegitimate children.

Answer 1

sometimes we have to be more consistent with our kids.. and it's VERY HARD TO DO!

Your husband is exhibiting actions which shows he "gives up" on the kids, and instead of enforcing rules (or even making them) he appears to let them do what they want, complains about it like a baby... HE is the adult, and needs to start acting like one... if he wants living room time, then he's going to have to make a schedule for it, i guess?

You aren't the only parent in the house -- there are two of you. Your husband seems to expect you to do all the disciplining while he sits back and whines and complains. And obviously, it's not working for him....

I'm sure your kids are generally good kids -- most kids are. When my kids were growing up we had a little family room/tv area as well as the living room... kids used the family room. Both had their own TV's.. just so i could have my living room and sanity. Of course they were allowed in the living room, but because i had the family area, it made it easier for them to watch what they wanted or entertain friends.

Sometimes parents are to blame for kids' bad behaviors -- when they are neglected and abused and abandoned, yes. But you don't seem to be that type of parent.

I hope it works out.

Answer 2

psychological themes might nicely be stressful to diagnose, reason various the indications are very comparable. I strengthen up with a mum who's Bipolar illness, no longer a lot relaxing. even however, i understand whilst mum is in her depressed state she will somewhat get off the mattress. it is not proper what you do she would not % to go away her mattress, she lays there drowsing - crying - thinking. She's continually seems worrying, fragile and shaky each and every thing is in simple terms too overwhelming, that's why she would not % to get off the mattress. in case you're something or equivalent to this, then you particularly would not might desire to tell your father and mom, they could be waiting to tell and might take you to work out somebody (till they are thoroughly ignorant). additionally Bipolar in many situations runs in families so in case you already know of any kin member on your mums or dads area it is conceivable which you're able to have it. Then there is the manic area, she suspicious of all and sundry, paranoid, over-reacts, continually out, buys assorts of stupid stuff, thinks she's an adolescent back, gets very sexual etc... stressful to stay with. those distinctive episodes in many situations final for a minimum of two-3months at a time and then there may be a era of "customary-ness", that could final, if we are fortunate some years. you will possibly desire to have somebody a pals discern consistent with possibility? college? Is there an outstanding decision you are able to ring? (I stay in Australia so i'm not sure in case you're in US)? .....in simple terms examine Victor G, he makes sturdy component touching directly to the way you have got here to this end is a sturdy sign which you're actually not, as those with bipolar usually think of they are superb and all and sundry else has a topic.

Answer 3

Hello,, Don't condemn the guy. He never had any experience with this situation before. He has to say something to express the inner pain he feels toward not being the desirable father figure he wants to be. Not all responses are right,and he really does care. You need to reassure him that the girls are growing up and soon they will be having babies with some of the people that love them and causing more stresses than you can imagine. Maybe you would see the light more clearly if you had more visionary instincts.

Answer 4

This is one of those "six of one,half-a-dozen of the other" questions.
Sometimes it is the parents fault. But equally as often, it is the kids who are at fault. We are all capable of making decisions on our own, and we have the choice to make the wrong or right decidions. We must all understand that for whatever decision we make, we must take full responsiblity for it...good, bad or indifferant. I made somee bad choices while growing up but I always took responsbility for the choices I made. My parents raised me right...I just choice to do what I wanted to do. And I suffered the consequences (Juvenile Hall). When my children were growing up, I took the blame for alot that they did and the way they turned out...I then one day decided that I wasn't going to blame myself anymore,. I may not have been the best parent, but I did teach them right from wrong...they made their own choices as to what they chose to do.
I say that any parent who does the best they can do in raising their children should not accept the blame when the kids turn out bad. But there are parents out there who should never have become parents and the kids are basically left to raise themselves and they are easily influenced by their surroundings, but even then...they ALWAYS have the choice to make to do the right things in life. There's lots of kids who come form pathetic homes and grow up to become awesome adults...all because of their own choices that they made.

Answer 5

14 and 16...this is REALLY common! Don't worry, if you keep showing your love to them and teaching them right, everything will be alright. They are teenagers. Help them not do bad things but that's all you can do. It's not your fault, it's adolescences fault!
Hope I've helped!

Answer 6

Has this man ever seen a teenager? Sounds like he is wanting you to choose.

Answer 7

Well, your husband sounds very judgemental, does he even like kids?