My adolesense sucked...Feeling really down about life?

Question

I'm a 21yr old college student. Lately I've been looking back and I realized how much I wasted my youth and missed out on life. As a teenager I was miserable, living with my parent. Had no social life, no real friends only bad ones and never had a gf. I wasted my time playing games and drugs as a form of escapism from my miserable reality and parents. I didn't realize what life was supposed to be. Always having money problems and I suffered poor health. I had sleep apnea, but we were too poor to see a doctor. I achieved nothing in school, got bad grades and had no ambition in anything.
It feels like I've just woken up from a 10yr coma into this mess called my life. Had I known I could move away from home and live with other family relatives I would have done so, but I was kept ignorant of that fact.
Oh God I feel like crap right now, I have no social life, I'm on probation. Its been a month since my 3rd semester has started and I've missed so many classes.

They say keeping yourself busy helps keep your mind of things. But I can't concentrate on my work cause all I ever think about is how much i missed out on life. I just don't know what to do. I feel stuck like theres no way out. I just want those years back so I could change the course of my life.
Every night before I fall asleep I hope that I don't wake up or that I may wake up and all of this was just a dream. CAuse thats what It feels like, a bad dream. Suicide looks really tempting, I pray to God that he would understand why I want to take my own life.
I'm thinking of talking to a counselor about my problem, but i dont know if that will do anything. My life has improved slightly since then but it feels like it too little too late.I just really want my teenage hood back. Either I kill myself or get my life on track.

What can I do to take away this feeling? Really swallowing an entire bottle of pills looks really temtping.
how can I make the next 10 years of my life the most adventurous, exciting, socially dynamic ever? I just want to experience all the things I Was meant to as a kid.

RESPONSE #1

Thanks for the advice. I really want my life to amazing and filled with joy. But i just feel so depleted. I am socially awkward for being in social isolation for so many years. I have trouble connecting with people. Its like I'm several years behind everyone my age in terms of social skills etc.

I'm feeling really desperate. I need to get out. I can't believe can let this happen to me. This can't be. My life is so ****** up. I don't know what to do.

Answer 1

Don't get caught up in what you didn't have, what you didn't accomplish. That doesn't help you at all. Focus on making changes in your life for what you see is lacking. Start small and work up as you gain self-confidence. See a therapist to help you move toward your goals.

Answer 2

I, too, wonder what happened in my life for the past 30 years. I am in recovery from drugs and alcohol, and my life has gotten so much better. One of the greatest things I have learned about my drug use was that I am bipolar, and I was self-medicating for all those years. You may have an inherited mental condition like I did, and its nothing to be ashamed of. Bipolar causes extreme highs and lows in mood; one day you're happy, and the next you feel miserable, depressed, and even suicidal. It can be successfully treated with many new and incredible prescription drugs that work to alleviate these symptoms. It will make all the difference in the world, for the rest of your life.
The important thing right now is to calm down and seek professional help. Your life is not over; it is just beginning. Please try to get some help; you deserve it.

Answer 3

You can't recapture the lost years but you can make up for them., Suicide is never an option; suicides do suffer in the Afterlife, it is throwing away God's greatest gift. Even people in great pain from cancer in the terminal stages refrain from this escape; in your case it is an emotional escape but remember suicide is not a do-over; it is permanent.
Looking back is counter-productive because when you spend all your time looking back you lose the present and cannot see the future. Also you cut off your nose to spite your face; if you kill yourself you will never be able to make up for those lost years, don't add insult to injury.
You know what to do now, what you can do and every day you will improve; it may be small increments but eventually you will feel whole again. Depression is temporary; suicide is forever...live well and enjoy your life, you're very young yet and you have a whole lifetime ahead of you to make up for your lost childhood...

Answer 4

Orly, i feel for you,but i'd say don't just sit down there and start feeling sorry for yourself,it wont do any good.I know exactly how you feel,because i have been there before.I never had any social life as an adolescent,i never participated in social events when i was in school,i could never show off my new and latest trendy outfits like the rest of my class because i had none.I was sometimes ashamed of myself and had a complex.But all that soon changed,when i changed schools and i reinvented myself.I began to score top grades in school,became the president of the literary and debating society,became the social prefect in my school,my teachers respected me and all loved me because i was there model student.This was a long way from where i was before.All these changes boosted my confidence,and i went on to gain admission into college to study Art and carried on making this transformation and everybody liked me and wanted to be friends with me.I was still one of the best in my department throughout my years there.I was made the secretary of the student body of my department.Now,come on,this is a far far cry from what my life used to be.I suffered from poor health all my life having been asthmatic,yet i was so determined i was not going to let it kill me,it was a constant battle of survival.I never believed i would see 20,or 25,but hey,i rose above all these odds and i am here today and able to tell you the story and try to get you to come out of the doldrums.You are obviously,trying to sort yourself out otherwise,you would not be reaching out like this,but the is still more that you have to do.Believe me you are still very young,and you have plenty of time ahead of you.Take things one at atime and don't try to do so much at once.Try to face your studies squarely,set yourself a goal and paint a mental picture of yourself,how you want to be and what you want to achieve.Everytime you study,always have that picture in mind and tell yourself,'that is where i'm going,and i will get there,because i can'And then,tell yourself,i need to study hard to get there and that is what i will do.Believe me it works like magic,gradually,you shall begin to settle down and you will start to be ahead of your class and before you know it you've achieved it all.So,Orly,please do not despair,as some of us have been through this already and overcome all odds that were stacked against us.Sweetie,you have to take the bull by the horn,stop missing classes,their is no reason for it except,sheer laziness and cowardice.You can rise above it as long as you are determined.So start from today,to try to forget your problems,your disenfranchised childhood and adolescence,and make that history.Reinvent yourself and start on that path towards success.I'm not saying its going to be easy but you must want this change bad enough to make it happen.Let us know how you get on.
Good luck.

Answer 5

I know what that's like. It's all a part of growing up. Hang in there, because the future is not about the Past! Hey at least you didn't realize all this when you were like 30 or something. You still have an outstanding chance to change all of this around.

Answer 6

I know exactly how you feel. I'm you only 17 years older. Quit thinking about the past and focus on the future. Your still young enough to be able to go out and learn social skills and get life back on track. You can't fix the past but if you spend your time trying you will only **** up your future.

Answer 7

First of all, I commend you for asking for help! Coming here and asking for answers, guidance, and support means you haven't really given up on yourself and your life and truly want it to get better. Right now you may feel so depressed that you *feel* hopeless, but you aren't. And no matter what you feel you missed out on, opportunities you passed up on or "wasted," it's never too late to make up for lost time. You just have to remind yourself of the things you like about yourself, accomplishments you have made, people in your life you like, things you still enjoy doing...any little thing that makes you smile from time to time. Doesn't matter how miniscule or trite it seems. Remind yourself of positive things you did in your childhood or remember the best day you ever had, or the best times, and what it was about those times that made you happy. Or praise yourself for something simple you did today, like holding the door open for someone or, hell, remembering to brush your teeth! lol. Think real hard about the character traits you do like about yourself, think of just *one* if you're feeling too depressed. Anything you can do to remind yourself of the good person you are and can be will help you feel more confident and able to take on creating the life for youself that you want.


Try not to punish yourself for the things you don't like about your life. You may think that doing that makes you responsible and accountable for your own actions, but really you're just reinforcing your belief that you're a screwup, and that's not the case. Everybody makes mistakes, but we all have the right to make positive changes. You may feel that you made choices that you regret, but you have the chance to "right" your "wrongs" (I don't like those words, they're too black and white and totally guilt-ridden - I recommend elmininating them from your vocab lol).


You said you're in college? I'm pretty sure almost all colleges offer free counseling services for students. I took advantage of that when I was in college, and it's the best thing I ever did for myself. If that's not an option, and you don't have insurance and can't afford a psychologist, your county or town probably has free social services/counseling services. In any case, I HIGHLY recommend seeing a counselor. It might seem cheesy to you or that they'll either just make you talk about your childhood or give you some fluff advice, but I have been to counseling three different times (3 b/c I've moved a few times), and it's the best thing I've ever done for myself. I've been where you are - a lot of people have, and a lot of us get better. A counselor can work with you to start small, getting you through your day-to-day "blues"; get you setting some short-term goals on how to improve your social life, grades etc., until eventually you feel good enough to feel really hopeful about your future and your life without thinking back on these hard times as a "waste" but just what they are - hard times.


You have the desire to get yourself in a good place, which means you know you can and will. You may just need some help figuring out how to get there, which is totally fine. But I hope you get there! =) Wishing you the best,

~B

Answer 8

Please, whatever you do, do not commit suicide. I know everything seems bad now, but it has the potential to get better. Like simmi said, don't get caught up in the past, start working on a good future. Also seeing a counsellor is a good idea, it could really help, even just having them as someone to talk to.

Good luck :)