My mom is an alchoholic. How should I help her?

Question

My family is being torn appart. My step dad wants to divorce her, because her her drinking has become a huge problem. We went out to run some errands today, and she brought "lemonade". We later found out that she had mixed vodka in it, and got drunk.

It's happening all the time. When she is drunk, she says really awful things. My step dad can't take it anymore.
We suggest AA meetings, and she is almost embarressed to go.

When we DO find her alchohol, and tell her, she get's really really mad. She'll lock herself in her room for hours. I really don't know what to do, me being only 15.

What can I do??

I also just found out yesterday, that she may have an ulcer. How serious is this?

Answer 1

This is as hard today for me to type to you as it was for me to do . The first step is for YOU and your step-dad, but if he won't go, YOU go to "Alanon for Families". My brother was a heroine addict/abuser/alcoholic, my mom an alcoholic, I have two sisters that are alcoholics (but won't admit it), I was married twice to alcoholic/abusers and one was a drug user (did not know until after married). Ala-non for families will help YOU understand a little better: it's not YOUR fault, YOU cannot help her, you are not responsible for how she acts AND give YOU tips on how to try to "guide" her decision- or walk away with your Step Dad. It Hurts. It hurts bad inside. I waited until I was 32 years old to go to Ala-non for families. I went by myself. I think it was better to go alone-the "fear" factor was less because, well, I don't know why - I just sat there, listening to the exact same stories coming out of other people's mouths and I never said a word. I cried with them, you will cry there but it will be one of the best cries you ever cry because you will be crying because you will have an entire room of people who are going through just what you are going through and to talk to and just to listen to-to heal with. It only took one time for me-I would have gone forever though. It helped me let go of my Mom's "guilt" and everyone elses' in my life that were alcoholics-drug addicts-abusers, but my Mom's was the heaviest on my heart! "What can I do" "Is this because of me" "WHY is she doing this" "why won't she stop" "doesn't she want to be with us" "If she is so unhappy that she has to drink so much...WHY won't she change her life so she is happier and doesn't have to drink!!???" Some people never quit. That's just a sad fact of life. Someting you are not in control of and must learn that it is her decision and you cannot bear the guilt. This is something I learned in Ala-non for families....I will say that, my Mom did get to only a beer or two a day but I believe that is because she got sick with COPD. Go to Ala-non for families, baby. Get support for YOU and your Step-Dad. YOU. YOU need Ala-non to help YOU first. The guilt, it is NOT yours to bear, but you are. I know you are. You are and you should not have to. You deserve better. You can tell you love her so! Trust me, she doesn't realize what she is missing. God bless! Drop me a line any time if you need to "type".

Answer 2

There is nothing you are able to do.

Your mother is not willing to acknowledge she is an alcoholic.

Your mother needs professional help.

Alcholoism is a disease and it is an addiction.

Alcohol is a Barbituate, also known as a downer.

What happens is the nerve cells in the body and neurons in the brain, which produces chemical messengers become dependent on alcohol. A nerve cell has receptors all around it which picks up the chemical messages, similar to many keys unlocking one door, once the door is open, it in turn sends the chemical message to the next nerve cell.

With alcoholism, the Barbituate takes over some of the chemical messages and the body quits producing the chemical messages and becomes dependent on the alcohol to provide the chemical messages, to the point where the body no longer makes the chemical messages, and now it is absolutely necessary for the individual to drink alcohol.

When an alcoholic or drug addict goes through withdrawal the reason it is so difficult is because it affects the central nervous system and the brain, after time it affects other internal organs of the body.

Your mother needs to go through detox, however this is up to your step father and he is able to get her help, if he is able to prove she is a danger to you, him, and she is a danger to herself. Never get in a car with her when she has been drinking and it might be a good idea to warn your step-father too.

Answer 3

I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. I've been clean for three years and it's been my experience that the only person that can help her is herself. Alcoholics by nature are conceded, manipulative liars and sometimes thieves. She is in denial and unless she admits to herself that she has a problem alcohol and that her life has become unmanageable ( this is step 1 of the A.A. 12 steps) she will keep drinking. Even then most people tend to relapse quite a bit. I was in 3 rehab centers and struggled for the first 5 years before I finally gave it up completely.

The best suggestion I can make to you is show her love and just make little hints about it. If your angry with her it will only make matters worse.

By the way interventions almost never work. I hate that show, it gives people the impression that going to a rehab center will cure you.

I also wanted to tell you that I would have to spend day's with you to fully explain all the aspects of the desease. So the best thing I can tell you is do research, research, research. Alanon is probally the best place to start and don't be afraid. The people in these programs main source of dealing with this is by helping others. You would be amazed at the lenghts they go through. They will pick you up for meetings and they will give you books, and phone numbers for support.

Answer 4

I feel for you, my friend. I've been there, I know your pain. My Dad is a recovery alcoholic for 11 yrs now, but we never thought he would be where he is now, totally sober. My Dad goes to AA regularly, is a lifetime program. I went to the meetings a couple of times with him, and I felt the love and the understanding there. I was in my late teens/early 20's. At AA nobody will criticize her, on the contrary: they will totally support her, she will have the opportunity to talk about her pains, her doubts, insecurities, everything. At first my Dad had to be dragged to the AA meeting, my Mom took him there. Then later on he appreciated it so much, because he started getting treated for his disease. It is a difficult journey, my friend, I will tell you that, but not impossible. They said the alcohol is the disease of the denial, because the alcoholic person never admits he/she has a problem. But encourage her to go, in a loving way, maybe you can take her there, supporting her all along the way. She will greatly appreciate that. Your mother is a precious human being and she is struggling now, and she needs those who truly love her to be by her side and believe in her 100%. To you I say: it is tough, really tough, I can totally sympathize with you because I was a teen daughter of alcoholic. I still struggle with some problems regarding confidence/self-esteem and I'm 31 now, married and grown. But there is also help out there for the family: Al-Anon. Don't give up on your Mom: there is hope and she can truly find it!!!

Answer 5

I don't know what you can do for yourself except Al-Anon which is like AA but it is dedicated to people who live with alcoholics and those who have relationships of some sort with alcoholics I think. Anyway it is group sessions where people like you meet with one another for support. But as far as what you can do for your mother is not much. You need to let her clean up her own messes, and mistakes and any other problems that she causes. She needs to know that you don't approve of her actions. Do not fight and argue with her about this problem. It will only make matters worse. Your mother has to want to stop drinking all by herself. It is a proven fact that nobody can make an alcoholic stop drinking or to seek help. You can leave articles laying around the house that have to do with alcoholics for her to see and hope that she may someday pick them up and start to read them. Trying to force this stuff on her, or force AA on her will only make it worse also as you pointed out. You shouldn't baby her or cover for her and stuff like that. This stuff was taught to me and I am just passing on what I was taught and learned. There is hope so don't give up that hope. Sorry I don't have a magic pill to help you or your mother. Hang in there. (smile)

Answer 6

sounds like your mom is very unhappy w/her life and that's her way of ignoring her problems. unfortunately no one can really help her until she take the first step and admit that she has a problem. your step-dad may end up leaving her and you will be left to carry the weight (this is very sad). you need to talk to your step dad and see if there is a way that you could stay with a family member until your mom gets it together. my aunt had a problem, but it was her liver and she ended up dying, simply because she drunk and never ate. since your mom is trying to be a closet drinker, you and step dad need to leave her as soon as possible so that she will see no one who love her will stand by and watch her kill herself, not only that but the heavy toll it is taking on the rest of the family. once she sees that you all are not putting up with her reckless ways, she will be backed up into a corner to go to a rehab. talking sometimes do not help, but you and step dad need to take ACTION for her to realize she is alone with what she is putting the family thru and you at 15 should not be taking on such a big responsibility - good luck to you and step dad

Answer 7

sit her down and talk to her when she isnt drunk and show her family pictures of you all from years ago when you were all happy and she wasnt drunk. tell her that you miss the old person she was before she started drinking and you will do anything you can to help her. thats all you can do really. most alcoholics dont try or want to stop untill they have lost everything. just be there for her and let her know that if she does have an ulcer and she trys to stay sober then things can improve.

Answer 8

YOU alone can't do anything. Neither can you step-father. The best thing he can do for the family is to DUMP her.

She is a sick alcoholic. You would need to get an intervention done on her. And yes ... an ulcer for someone who drinks like a fish is a serious, serious indicator she will be -- if she hasnt' already--suffered irreparable physical problems.

Answer 9

OK, so my friend was in the same situation.
Getting help from teachers, and other adults can honestly work.

She might be too embaressed to get help, but what if you suggest to go with her?It might be easier...
Alot of people our age go through this ,you are DEFINALLY not alone;
learn as much as you can about alochism, and try to make an effort to show your mom you can about her,and are just trying to help...


Also a ulcer is a lesion of the skin or a mucous membrane like that one lining the stomach or duodenum that is accompanied by formation of pus and necrosis of surrounding tissue, usually resulting from inflammation or ischemia

thats confusing , and/or alot of complicated words BUT it can be seroius, it just depends.

Good luck

Answer 10

ok do no longer do what the guy above has pronounced :/ 'get the police' it is merely terrible suggestion. I actual have had an identical concern as you.. a individual wont give up eating alcohol until their waiting. it is going to injury you to benefit that existence isn't love it is in videos etc. the place the mum/father could have a dramatic 2d with a newborn then stop eating for them. NO. she would be in a position to maintain eating until she needs to give up. you may enable your mom know your there for her, and as a fifteen three hundred and sixty 5 days previous you may no longer attempt to make your mom greater useful your self. bypass away it to the adults. ensure you communicate on your mom favourite and enable her know your nevertheless around for her yet shop on top of problems with your man or woman existence, you have tests etc. which you will be arranged for! whilst i replaced into 15 i found out my mom replaced into and have been an alcoholic for various years, i chanced on convenience in speaking to my brother and in a protracted time i moved to stay with an in depth relatives member so i'd desire to guard good grades at school and stay sane. good-success.

Answer 11

your mother definitely has a problem and she is not going to get help unless she really want's it or hits "rock bottom" How long has she been like this? When your stepfather married her was she like this? because if not something had to happen that made her start drinking so heavily. Call a hotline (you can google one on the net) and ask if they have any suggestions for you and how you can try to get your mom help! I know this is hard but she is definitely not just going to stop! this is a disease.