Question for parents who spank?

Question

Do you think that 'time out' or 'taking a toy away' or 'ignoring them & letting them be hellions' are the only alternatives to spanking?

Most pro-spanking answers I've seen say that they spank because 'time out' doesn't work, as if that were their only choice as parents - either spank -or- timeout.

Just wanted to make my question more clear. What I'm wondering is if parents who spank think that the *only* parenting choices available are 'spank' or 'time out'. Wondering if they know that there are so very many other choices than that. If the only reason they're choosing spanking is because they don't think timeouts work, I wonder if they know that there are *other* choices besides just choosing between 'spank' or 'timeout'.

OK - just read a few more answers. Wanted to let you know that we don't use timeouts or spanking. We pretty much relied on redirection & supervision when they were too little to understand. Then, switched over to instruction, supervision & natural consequences.

But, really - that's beside the point. Or, maybe that is the point. What I really wanted to know is if there were people out there who thought it had to be one or the other - spanking or timeout (or 'taking toys away' or 'not parenting at all')- that those were the only parenting methods that existed.

For the woman who wanted to know about a parenting method that didn't involve spanking, grounding or timeouts - you might want to read 'Parenting with Love and Logic'. Awesome, eye-opening book.

Answer 1

my mother used to spank me, and trust me it works. comin from the girl who got it. i will never again do the crazy things i did when i got a spanking, espesially with a shoe!!!!!!
ouch!

Answer 2

I think you are perfectly right - there is not just the alternative between spanking, time out (which is next to nothing as a sanction) and doing nothing at all. Depending on the child's age and character, you can express disapproval verbally and get some effect, or remove privileges (which is difficult to enforce though if you are not with the child all the time, an they can go to their friends and do as they please). Having said that, though, I still think that a spanking in the right context might be more effective and less cruel than psychologically oriented punishments, as in "your parents are so disappointed in you" or the silent treatment.

Answer 3

My husband and I raised two children and used spanking as a method of discipline. It was not the only form of discipline that we used--it depended on the behavior. Each child was different, and some methods worked better for one child than the other--one child had a much stronger will than the other.
Whatever method is chosen, consistency is the key. You cannot say, "you'd better stop, or I'm going to...." over and over and never do what you're threatening. I have seen that repeatedly with parents, and kids learn how far they can push their parents. I have a family member that has children, and she did that, and the children learned that the louder they screamed, the more they got, because the parents would give them what they wanted to get them to shut up. If you're going to say it, do it. Read the book, "Raising Children that Mind without Losing Yours" by Kevin Lehman. It is a good book about discipline and consistency, as well as making the punishment fit the crime, so that the child learns. I do not regret spanking my children, and would do it again. I think it is terrible that the government is trying to take that away from parents....there is a difference in spanking and abuse. My two children are respectful, responsible members of society, and they do not regret being spanked. In fact, they have thanked me and their Father for it.

Answer 4

I have three children and I spank all three of them. Spanking is not my first choice, it is a last resort. I usually give at least one verbal warning combined with corner-time or a time out. Then child is clearly warned that he/she will be spanked if the misbehavior continues. If they continue to misbehave, then yes, they will be spanked. The exceptions are fibbing, disrespect or if they do anything dangerous. This is automatically a spanking because we have a standing rule in our home forbidding it.

Answer 5

It is not that black and white, and I honestly don't think many parents believe it is. You have to find the discipline that best fits your child and the circumstances and if it's spanking, so be it. There is no reason that spanking should be considered abuse when it is used correctly-there is a BIG difference between spanking your children and beating them.

We use spanking as part of our system and it is usually the last in a line of increasing consequences, except in immediate danger situations-if my son ran out in the road you better BELIEVE I would spank him without preamble! However, we usually don't have to spank him at all because my son understands exactly what his boundaries are and that the consequences for breaking the rules are always the same so he rarely feels the need to push the limits.

And for the record my son, who is spanked when he needs to be, is constantly complimented by complete strangers on his exceptional behavior and manners. He is 3.5 and says please, thank you, you're welcome, excuse me, and bless you, is very happy and follows directions well, and never throws fits in public.

I think that the bottom line is that parents stay CONSISTANT and discipline in a way that meets the needs of their child. Whether that includes spanking or not is a personal decision by the parents, but to criticize the entire practice of spanking is just as unfair as criticizing the entire practice of time outs. What works for one child may not work for another-even in the same family, let alone in different families all across the country.

Answer 6

Every child is different, as is every parent. I have 3 children, and they are each punished differently, as they each respond differently to punishment. I was spanked as a child, with a paddle or belt, or even a switch I had to go get myself. I tried the time out thing, and the kids loved it. They got to sit in their rooms playing all their video games. I tried taking things away. My oldest didnt care, he just took something from the younger kids to keep himself occupied. Spanking doesn't even have an effect on my oldest. He will cry for a few minutes and then back to being a smarty pants. So, after years of trial and error, we have finally worked out a punishment for each of the kids.

The youngest get sent to her room after we discuss what she did and why it was wrong, where she will cry for a little while and then come give us a hug and kiss and say she is sorry,

The middle child gets his TV taken away and sent to his room. He throws a temper tantrum then goes to sleep. When he wakes up, he says he is sorry and asks what he can do to earn his TV back.

The oldest gets sat in front of us, where he cannot see the TV and has to sit there for however long we decide. He hates it, and after 5 weeks of sitting everyday, he has finally decided his smart mouth and not doing his school work is not worth having to sit and look at us from the time he comes home from school until bed time.

And yes, I do spank them when I feel it is needed. I get compliments on how well behaved they are all the time. Little does anyone know they are monsters when they are home, lol.

Answer 7

Focus, as much as possible, on preventing the need for punishment of any kind.

Teach, train, bring them up in the nurture and teachings of the Lord. Do it by words and by example.

That certainly is not "letting them be hellions". It can involve the occasional punishment -- whether "time out" or "loss of toy", "loss of privileges", or even an occasional "spanking".

Pro-active should be the aim, the goal.
.

Answer 8

No I don't believe that - often for me the alternative to a spanking was the *threat* of a spanking and then that was *their* choice - they stopped misbehaving or took the consequences.
It's all very well for those "enlightened" modern day parents to criticise but I brought up four boys on my own and simply didn't have the time to read all of these "parenting" books and so on.
My boys all turned out fine

Answer 9

Here is the reality of our society. We use timeouts because a few people who did not like being spanked and who say that it emotionally damages the children make the most noise.

But the reality of the timeout is very simple. We are preparing our children for jail. We teach them that we will take away your freedom (ie time out from playing) and they learn that it what will happen if they do something wrong as adults. I will go to jail for a while, big deal.

The fact is that spanking when done with the purpose of correcting bad habits or misbehaviors teaches the child that there are REAL concequences for their actions. Not that they will just lose some freedom.

I spanked my children. My exwife did not. When we divorced, she tried to use that in the divorce procedings. I however expected that, and called as one of the witnesses for me, the sitting judges mother, who I asked to tell us if she spanked her child when he was young? And did she think he turned out to be a bad or socially unacceptable.

Needless to say I won that argument.

If we allow people to beat their children then we are wrong, but to not teach children there are real concquences for their adult actions while they are still young only breeds our society.

Just look at our jails today compaired to 20 to 30 years ago. The number of prisioners is many times more. Compair that number to the number of citizen then and now and it is frightning.

We are teaching our children how to be future prisioners with the use of time outs only.

Answer 10

NO Miss.
SPANKING your children is the only way.
Write to; [e-mail]
Thanks.
Laurey.
You Spank By; Over your knee on the bare bum.

Answer 11

I am not a mother who spanks but I did have to respond. Spanking is abuse - there are no levels to abuse - child abuse is child abuse no matter how hard you hit. I was never hit as a child and I am very thankful of that. It seems like parents today just don't want to put the time in and parent their kids, they just want to take the easy road. In reality it causes more problems than solutions. Parents who spank need to think about their children and take some parenting classes. These people who say it is a pr oven way to discipline must have been thinking about the 1950's.

I am just really shaken that there are so many people out there that use spanking as punishment. To physically take my hand and hit my child on the backside as a "correction" for their behavior is just too much. The truth is that it takes more time to properly discipline a child than it does to spank them.