I had ...promised a female friend the best man position, I forget what the comtempory term is...anyhow the point is I am regretting the decision. As nothing official has happened...no planning ect. so how can I tell them that I have changed my mind?
2007-09-29 11:16:58 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If you tell her you have changed your mind, you may lose this friendship. At the very least, there will be hurt feelings.
Why did you change your mind?
I think if you value this person's friendship, you need to stick to your original decision.
There would have to be a very, very good reason for this change in plans to happen without the friendship being lost or damaged.
Bride's attendants no longer have to be all female, and groom's attendants no longer have to be all male. If people are pressuring you to change your mind because of gender, then you need to stand firm and stick with your original decision.
Go find the People Extra magazine from July 2007. Check out pages 74 and 75. There are photos of what you have described. If someone is pressuring you to change your mind, show them these photos.
You can call her the best woman, or call her your honor attendant. This is not a big deal for the groom to have a female honor attendant.
2007-09-29 11:23:48 · answer #1 · answered by Suz123 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to include her in the wedding somehow in order to keep the friendship. You can put her on the bride's side, make her stand up for you as a groom's woman and not the "best" woman. You can use an excuse depending on who you make your best man. For example if you were in your best man's wedding as the best man, or if it is a family member that works as an excuse. Or blame it on your fiance or a family member (like my mom is too closed minded, she won't support a woman as a best man) in a way, without causing a fight between them.
You are going to need to apologize a whole lot.
I also like 4scar's idea. You can have 2 people in the "best man" role by calling them 2 different things. One will be your "best man" (the person you want instead of your female friend) ad have er as the "best woman" that way she is still included but you also get your other friend in on it.
2007-09-29 22:24:25 · answer #2 · answered by az 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's okay to have given the position to a woman. It's not that traditional anymore. Anyway, I didn't ask anyone to be in the wedding till I was sure. Of course, at one point it looked like my matron of honor wasn't going to work out. But I didn't ask her not to be in the wedding anymore. I let it play out. In your case, she may be offended, so if you are prepared to deal with that, then tell her. But you might want to have something else lined up for her to make her still feel a part of the day. If it's not that big of a deal to let her stay in this position, then leave it be. Her feelings may end of getting hurt. Ask you wife for her advice. She may know the situation better, and offer advice that we can't.
2007-09-30 00:05:46 · answer #3 · answered by gizmos_dreamer 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Are you refering to the "best man" in a wedding? Why would you give that position to a woman in the first place? That's odd... I mean, if that's what you're talking about... because you're question wasn't clear at all.
2007-09-29 18:22:01 · answer #4 · answered by Mystoree 1 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Either face her and tell the truth or create a new position ; alt BM, Best Sort of Man, or ask YA for any suggestions for names.
2007-09-29 18:27:43 · answer #5 · answered by 4scar 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You SHOULD step down as it is the GROOM's responsibility to ask someone to be HIS best man.
Just say sorry to your friend but you must step down from the position. Hell, even say "I feel it is the groom's responsibility, not yours, to ask someone to be his best man. I do not feel that I should be that honored as to be the best man. If the groom still wants me to be in it, I will gladly be an usher/groomsman" (that is if you wouldn't mind being a groomsman/usher)
2007-09-29 19:19:22 · answer #6 · answered by Terri 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Avoid confrontation. Simply change the location of the wedding, but don't tell her.
2007-09-29 18:25:50 · answer #7 · answered by nam_miles 6 · 0⤊ 7⤋