Is this normal 3 yr old behavior?

Question

I babysit a 3 yr old who always whines and talks back if he doesnt get his way. When I put him in time out I have to carry him there because he throws himself on the floor and while carrying him he is kicking, hitting and screaming at me, sometimes even trying to bite me. He yells at his mother when he doesnt get his way. He will only sleep in his parents bed (unless I am the only one there, then he will sleep in his bed by himself). He does not share and yanks stuff out of other kids hands when he wants it. I was just wondering if this is typical 3 yr old behavior. Honestly if it were my kid he would be spanked, but hes not, and the parents dont agree with spanking so I cant. Any tips other than time out (already tried that) and spanking on how to get this kid in control? Or is this normal?

Answer 1

He is obviously used to being allowed to get away with this kind of behavior. Some of this is typical three-year old behavior (independence and sharing) but mostly it sounds as if he has very few limits at home. You need to set a new precedent for future behavior. Get down on his level- eye to eye- and make it clear (using a tone of authority) that this will not be allowed in your presence. This will take time...he's going to test you out to see if you allow him to have the same reactions that he has been able to get away with in the past. Children learn very quickly that they can behave one way with one person, and a completely different way with another person. It is all about what is allowed and what isn't. Lay down the ground rules. "Hitting is not okay. You will not bite anything other than food. I expect you to sleep in your own bed."
Things you can do:
- Avoid battles. Pick and choose which ones are really important for you to "win". Especially in the beginning- you want as few rules as possible, such as "you may not hurt yourself, other people, or property." Try to head off things you may know are going to be difficult, such as transitions from one activity to another or stopping a fun activity, by using warnings. "In 3 minutes it will be time to stop playing and clean up."
- Make commands/requests short and simple. He can't process too many things at once, so give one direction at a time. "Please pick up your cars" (when that is done...) "Now please pick up your clothes"- instead of: "clean your room".
- Limits are GOOD! Children need limits to feel secure and know that everything happens in a predictable routine. Try to keep the routine the same each time you come over. That way, he knows what to expect, and what is coming next. A picture chart routine will really help, and will be a fun project for you two to make together. With a camera, take pictures of each of the things you do together when you are there; eat dinner, play for a little while, read a story, take a bath, brush teeth, get water, tuck in bed, etc. Post the pictures, in the order you typically do them on a posterboard, and hang where he can see them on a regular basis. Put a picture of yourself on the top, and perhaps a title, like: Things I Do When (your name) is Here. You can also do the same to make a "rules" poster with important rules you have set up together with the parents such as; hands stay to yourself, spit stays in your mouth, markers are for coloring on paper, and asking before touching other's property.
- Continue to use time out to help the child get to a calm state of mind. You can also use breathing techniques or teach him how to count to himself when he is getting worked up.
- Be prepared to help him gain control when he loses it. This may mean removing him from a room, and it may mean using appropriate restraint (although you should never restrain a child unless you have been taught how to do it appropriately!).
- Try to head off blow ups before they happen, by using warnings when transitions will happen ("In one minute it will be time to get in the bath") and using distraction techniques ("Lets see who can shoot clothes into the hamper the fastest!"). Games are often a great way to gain compliance without having to resort to discipline techniques for non-compliance. Any chore can be made into a fun game, if you know what the child likes. Use his favorite characters to motivate him. "I bet Spiderman can get into the tub faster than you can!"
- Lastly, you have to be in control. If you lose your cool with him, he will see that it is okay to be out of control and use anger and other strong emotions to deal with people. The more control you can model, the better he will be able to emulate it in return.

Answer 2

Some of the behavior you described is normal, sad to say. Especially with boys. I don't know about the biting. I have a three year old son and he does not bite. I am not a big spanker, but certain things call for different punishments. time out are good.. Since he is three then three minute time outs, are what is best. Some kids, sleep with there parents at this age, mine don't I value my sleep and adult time. It is hard when it is someone else kids.. I know I babysit two little boys ages 2, and 3. And I have my own ages 6, 3 , and 19 mo and I am 37 weeks along.

Answer 3

This is NOT topical behavior. From what you included in your question, I would assume that his parents don't spend that much time with him and are busy with other life issues most of the time. Because you are the baby sitter this tells me that Mom is not a stay at home mother.

It is my belief that children need at least 15 min an hour were the parent or care giver needs to spend with just them. No other responsibility should pull there attention away from the child. I'm not saying I'm always able or remember to do this with my own children but I know they tend to be able to then go off and do something on there own afterwards.

As there babysitter it's a job that you chose to take on. It is not really your responsibility to make there child a more content child although, it does help when your taking care of him to give complete attention as often as possible and then you should see a change in time. Give him more attention and it will start to become more enjoyable for both you and him.

Keep doing the time out method. I really believe in that. A good rule of thumb is one min for every year the child is. After time out, be sure to give at least 15 min. (or more) of loving warmth. This will be a positive reinforcement to not doing what put him in time-out.

I wish you the best of luck and also hope you see this as an opportunity to be someone in this child's life that he can look-up to and admire. You might even see a raise in income and referrals!

Answer 4

My son is 3 and yes this is normal if you allow the child to get away with it. Unfortunately as it is not your child there is little you can do other than telling the parents. If he is that bad maybe you should tell them you are not prepared to babysit for them while he is like this.

This little boy clearly knows by throwing a tantrum it will get him his own way and the parents need to deal with this they are creating a rod for their own back.

My little boy started at those terrible twos I kept to time out and on a couple of occasions it has taken me over 20 times to make him do it. I was determined he would understand that tantrums would not get him what he wants. When he got to 3 I have smacked his hand for running off in public and again only had to do this a couple of times to curb his behaviour.

At the end of the day the the parents will need to change before this little boy does.

Answer 5

very normal 3 year old behavior. Just dont give in and give him what he wants. Spanking is the easy way out honestly. I want my children to respect me but I dont want them to fear me. There are different ways to deal with tantrums. If time outs dont work. try taking away toys, give them back as reward for good behaior. All kids are different but most 3 year olds go through this stage some are just worse than outhers. I have 4 children and my oldest really diddnt have very many tantrums mi 12 year old did. my 4 year old did and hers were the worst. and my little one does but they are very mild.

Answer 6

Some of his behavior, to an extent, is kind of normal, all kids will test their limits. But what you are talking about is the result of never being told NO! Never being taught limits. And that's the parents fault and responsiblity to change that, not yours.

If I were you I would find another sitting job because there is nothing that you are going to be able to do to get this kid to behave, sad to say.

Answer 7

I have seen allot questions about toddlers acting like this, so put two and two together , of course it is a bit normal toddlers are testing their boundaries.Maybe some videos once in awhlie for hime to watch will get his attention else where.Ask the parents how should you disipline him, and read some books from the library on toddlers bevior.They short attention spans at this age ,can not sit still and can not handle over stimulation.

Answer 8

I also have a three year old nephew who does the same thing as yours very naughty at times. From the age of two children begin to pick up on the behaviour of others. If your nephew goes to nursery then thats probably why, other children and their behaviour rub off on them they pick these things up. Just refuse to give the child what they want. Take the toys away and reward it to him when he behaves, 3year olds are now old enough to know what is right and wrong. make sure your sister is not too hard on him remember he is still a child.

Answer 9

normal for a spoiled three yr old is he an only child??? stick to your guns it sounds like his parents give him whatever he wants GOOD LUCK

Answer 10

Its not a normal 3 year old, its a SPOILED ROTTEN 3 year old. Unfortunatly it seems that the parents have already sowed the seeds to make him the way he is and i dont see any way of you changing him. ITs the parents job to parent him properly and they havent done so, personally i would speak to them and let THEM alter his behaviour, youre the babysitter not his mother.